Night | Teen Ink


June 5, 2012
By Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

I’m scared of the dark…
No! I’m scared of Night.
For with Night comes the silence that deafens me.
As it is Night who unhinges the doors to my sanity,
Allowing those thoughts that I thought were un-thought to be thought again.

When they laughed
and called me names.
The time no one believed
and I was blamed.
That day they saw
and I was ashamed.
When I realized people are animals
and can’t be tamed.

Stop it! Stop it!
I can’t take it anymore!
As they scream to me
One by one
Two by two
All at once
A painful slue
Of this and that
And that of this
One more slander
And ill have a fit
Go insane
And slit my wrist
Die that night by the hands of Night
And succumb to the torturous bliss

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This article has 3 comments.

on Apr. 7 2013 at 11:55 am
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
56 articles 0 photos 253 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." ~Camille Pissarro

Overall, I thought this was well written. The only small thing I should point out is that I'm pretty sure you meant for "ill" in the third stanza to be "I'll". Other than that, I could find no errors. :)

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2012 at 5:56 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

Well, I enjoyed the first stanza. It sounded like real poetry. The rest . . . slipped back into rap again. I'm not sure if it's just me (I'm on jet lag, and I only got 3 hours of sleep) or if it's your style.

I think the random rhymes help foster the rap feel, as well as the short lines and absence of puntuation. I actually did enjoy the thought/un-thought/thought in the first stanza.

on Jul. 26 2012 at 5:03 am
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Wow! First before I start with the the construtive critiques I must say this was amazing! I loved how you personified Night and made it seem like an actual person, an actual villian...truly brilliant. Second, I loved how this sounded as though you were talking (or in some cases yelling) at someone...amazing! 

Ok well the first thing that stuck out to me was in the first stanza...the word un-thought...I understood what you meant, but that word just stands out and it ruins the flow of the poem so maybe chose another word that helps the story's flow continue. Also in that same stanza, the word thought itself was repeated a lot in the last lines and because of that repition it loses it's meaning and strength so maybe a bit less repition there. I found nothing wrong with the second fact, I loved it, especially that last line! The third stanza was also amazing; you really picked up pace and had a lot of emotion in it...the only thing that stuck out to me there was the second to last line...I had to re-read that and it really broke the tempo you had built up so maybe look for a way to reword it.

Still your poem was amazing!