Sister

I haven’t seen my sister for more than seven years,
Yet, when I look at a photo, she still
Inspires me.
The passion and beauty and grace
The kindness, the gentleness, the sweet heartedness
I am motivated to be a
Better person.
A better person in order to represent her more
Carry her with me wherever I go
She is a part me
In my blood, in my veins
Her fire circulating through my body.
I need her so much, I miss her so much
I want to see her so much
More than can possibly be described in any way imaginable.
The only thing I can do
Is keep her inside me because she’s not outside me
Remember her
Forever and ever and ever
Never let her go
She is my sister
My closest companion
I will enable her to grow.

Fragmented Pieces

My story is splattered.
A part I remember here, a clip from there
Nothing is cohesive, nothing makes true sense
I don’t even see the purpose of remembering anymore
Because the fragmented pieces of my life tell no story
Like ashes, there were once something, they once held meaning
And now the ashes are unrecognizable and have no use

The things I remember from the past don’t hold their true value
As I get older,
I remember less and less and it’s scary.

Nothing

Even when you have nothing to do
You always have something on your mind
You always think there is something you should be doing
Instead of relaxing and having a swell time
There’s always homework
Or cleaning to be done
Errands to be run
Or even a work-out well needed
Nothing is never nothing
There’s always something fogging clear skies
Good times are bogged down with a never-ending list of
Have-to-be-done’s.

Images

A montage of photos
My life on DVD
A picture slideshow
Images of my family and me
Images I haven’t seen or remembered
In such a long time
I don’t recall ever being there
Or ever wearing that
If life goes so fast
Can only images bring me back to the past?
Can only the click of a camera make me remember?
A montage of photos
My life on DVD
Will someone please take me back
To help me remember me.

Questioning

Why should I question my actions?
Turn the blame on myself
When it is you, you are the culprit
The reason for my problems
The reason for my insecurity
The reason for my uncertainty
It is you, yet I ask myself,
What’s wrong with me?
I look around and scout out the answer
But I’ve found none
My last resort is the right resort
It is you, all along
Questioning my actions
My look
My attitude
My words
It feels bad
To question your own integrity
Look at the mirror and not like what you see
On the inside and out
But I’m going to stop the questioning
Because I’ve know the answer
The impetus of the problems
The possessor of my sadness.
Lies in you.

One School Year

Seven months
Of Hell.
The opposite of bliss
Lies in junior year.
Cramming in everything
Perfecting everything
Being everything
Doing everything possible
In a stupid, over-hyped, overrated process
That counts for nothing in the end.
Unimportant.
Yet for one school year
It is your life.
You live the process, drink the process for breakfast.
With a hundred different voices in your head
All contradicting each other.
But the truth is, nothing’s right and nothing’s wrong
Because it doesn’t matter
You must decide. Which makes matters worse.
One school year.
A million tests.
5 minutes in the day
To breathe.