Is love real?

Introduction   

Love. Glorified by movies and fairytales, love is a core part of our culture. Cinderella met the love of her life one night after a fantastical makeover. Snow White met her soulmate after running from him, then met him again after he kissed her abandoned corpse. Everyone dreams of finding that special person. The one they were meant to find. The one that will bring endless happiness to them. It’s almost necessary for someone to be considered successful in life. However, are these magical feelings real, or are they just chemicals in the brain? Can science solve the puzzle called love? Or, is it something truly different from attraction, something so powerful, even science can’t explain it? And, if so, how is this phenomenal power created?

Science of Attraction

First off, the science of attraction will be explained. Attraction is the beginning of love, but is crucial to its creation. This can be easily be explained by psychology and neuroscience. For example, Psychology Today (2015) talks of the Pyramid of Attraction, which consists of status, health, emotional, and logic. The first one, status, is spoken of in this way, “Internal and external status are both important, although most people might argue that internal status, particularly confidence, is more attractive than external status in both the short and long term” (Psychology Today, 2015). Status is basically your perceived value by society and others in general. Confidence is crucial to status, because one automatically raises their own the more confidence they possess. The next is health, which includes hygiene and physical prowess. For example, our source states, “Health is straightforward. It includes the way you look, the way you move, the way you smell, or your basic intelligence. After all, most of us are attracted to those who smell good and bathe regularly, right? And most of us are definitely not attracted to those who smell bad and don’t bathe regularly, right? Right” (Psychology Today, 2015). After that, is emotional. The source elucidates, “Trust and comfort, Emotional intelligence: the ability to make others feel comfortable, Uniqueness: That special "je ne sais quoi"  that makes us “us”, and Uncertainty: The certain level of mystery we have when meeting someone. It’s boring to have all your cards out from day one” (Psychology Today, 2015). The last one is, logic, which is one of the most crucial parts of attraction. “Logic also helps us ensure that the person we are talking to is practically aligned with us. For example, do we both want marriage? Do we both want kids? Do we both live in the same city? The argument is: With greater alignment, there is greater attraction” (Psychology Today, 2015). This is basically the core of attraction and it psychologically aligns with society and common conception. However, is attraction different from love? And, if so, how?

Science of Love

Love is a step further than attraction; something perceived to be greater and even another construct entirely. However, it is possible that love is just a stronger dose of hormones. Life Advancer, 2017, speaks of the odd, psychological reasons love may appear. However, it mentions nothing about hormones or other neurological functions. The source writes of eight causes of love. The first is that people can fall in love with someone who is similar to themselves. The source declares, “This would imply that you share the same interests, experiences, value and beliefs (religious or spiritual) and maybe even the same hobbies” (Life Advancer, 2017). The second fact is, strangely enough, that it’s common to fall in love with someone who represents an opposite parent (dads for girls or moms for guys). The third reason is the other’s smell. “It’s been found that it isn’t down to the type of perfume/aftershave we use, it’s our natural scent. Women have been known to give off a particularly attractive scent when they are ovulating, which of course is linked to procreation and attracting a mate.” the source (Life Advisor, 2017) expresses. The fourth fact deals with posture, which goes back to the status sector of the Pyramid of Attraction. Posture is directly correlated with confidence, as we perceive it anyway. The fifth reason is, we can fall in love with someone of the right height. The source enunciates, “Women are more attracted to men who are taller than them, because of the idea of being protected and feeling safe. Women are much less likely to be with someone who is shorter than them” (Life Advisor, 2017). The sixth fact is that people are more likely to fall in love with someone if they both experience an invigorating event together. Life Advisor expatiates, “Due to the high amounts of adrenaline that come with doing something such as a skydive it can make you more attractive to each other” (Life Advisor, 2017). The next fact is, people can fall in love with someone who lives close to them, which connects to the logic part of the Pyramid. “If you live close to someone and see them by accident on a daily basis, you are much more likely to get closer to them and potentially fall in love with them.” says Life Advisor, 2017. The last fact given by the source states, “You are more likely to attract and be attracted to someone with a positive person with a nice smile” (Life Advisor, 2017). This is an extensive outlook on the causes of love and some of the facts add a necessary element of closeness as opposed to just attraction. However, while it’s clear that love exists, because of its differences from attraction, a huge question still remains. Do soulmates exist?

The Existence of Soulmates

The promise of someone made for you is steady in modern society. But is it all a lie? With all these facts about love and attraction, it can be hard to believe in something as magical as soulmates. Healing Couples Retreats, 2019 puts it in this way: “The idea of a soulmate has both conscious or unconscious elements. Even if we do not intellectually believe in soulmates, we are still affected. Many people openly and consciously yearn for a soulmate. They may even believe one person is out there for them, that “right” person” (Healing Couples Retreats, 2019). The source is revitalizing the fact that a soulmate is a common dream for most people. However, on the realism of soulmates the source expatiates, “It’s easy to feel like you are soulmates in the midst of a passionate and seemingly endless honeymoon. When you feel like soulmates at the end of a decade, something else is involved. It is not a fantasy, but a realization based on a real-world track record, already well tested by time” (Healing Couples Retreat, 2019). This is a great point. Perhaps, if a couple feels the same way about each other as when they were on their honeymoon, they are made to be together. However, it could just be that the two are compatible. There is a difference between compatibility and made for each other. Like the previous paragraphs, soulmates could be just a myth while people are just madly in love with each other. In conclusion, even if soulmates don’t exist, there are still relationships of insane attraction and love which could give the illusion of soulmate.

Conclusion

While fairy tale endings and happily ever afters are picturesque, no one can find a suitable partner if they sit and expect them to fall in their laps. Effort is required for any type of relationship to last, romantic or not. And who knows? If soulmates do exist, are you fated to be with them? Can you mess up a relationship despite this? What if you never meet your soulmate? There are still endless questions when it comes to love. However, this analysis has shed some light onto the topic. In other words, love may be explained in science, but it still remains a beautiful oddity. Most of it is still shrouded in mystery. And, it could remain unknown for the rest of time.