Dear Americans (especially New Englanders),

Since I have come here you have asked me a lot of interesting questions and I have also experienced many fascinating things in your country.

First of all, I am from a European nation, Austria. I know it is relatively small and less relevant in international politics than the United States of America, but have you seriously never heard of it? Like, hello? Have you ever heard of Mozart, probably the most famous person of his time and a great musician, or Arnold Schwarzenegger from the movie Terminator, is he not a famous actor here too? He was literally the governor of California. 

On the other hand, I would not be too confident with bragging about famous people from Austria because there is a certain guy with a mustache from the 30s and 40s who kind of caused a bit of chaos in the world and we would probably rather not be associated with him, but we successfully managed to blame the Germans for everything. I mean he was elected as a chancellor there, not in Austria. Also, before you blame me, I do not have Austrian ancestors, my family is from Hungary, and we just moved to Austria to basically escape the political hell of Eastern Europe. But my exchange student organization wants me to celebrate my non-existent Austrian heritage here to share my non-existent Austrian cultural background with you, so you are welcome I guess.  

I do not know if this may be shocking for you, but for some of you it seems like it is, not everyone on this planet speaks English, especially not as their first language, I had the privilege of having English classes since elementary school and very fortunately, it seems like they have left an impact on me, but no, not everyone in Austria speaks English and it certainly is not their mother tongue. Also, please do not ask me if we speak “the Austrian language”. I really appreciate your efforts, but I have to disappoint you. There is actually no such thing as an “Austrian language”, we speak German. There are many historical reasons and explanations for why we do, but I literally came here to escape Austrian history classes, so just google it or something, thanks. 

Also, are you being for real when you ask me if the Fourth of July is a big thing in my home country? Is the whole point of an existing country not to have its own pride and day where they celebrate their existence? Is it really that shocking to you that other nations that are not even on the same continent as yours do not celebrate your Independence Day? Or do you want me to ask everyone here if they celebrate the twenty-sixth of October? You have probably never heard of that date being relevant to anyone. 

As a Hungarian growing up in Austria, I can also give you pretty good advice for interacting with a real Austrian, if you should ever meet one. Yes, they speak German, they have similar politics to Germans, they are in the European Union with the Germans, and they love that they come to Austria to ski and spend tons of money in their country, even though their mountains are pretty mediocre compared to Switzerland’s, but never compare an Austrian to Germans. Their faces will turn the same shade as the shade of red on their flag and they will get hilariously upset. Honestly, it's pretty funny, so feel free to try it actually, but maybe do not if that is your boss or something like that, make sure to look for new job positions before you do that. Austrians just have this really weird individuality complex, I do not know where it came from. I think the mediocre mountains and the Schnitzel just made them pretty obsessed with themselves, keep that in mind!

Austria is, as I mentioned before, a country in Europe. Please do not confuse us with AUSTRALIA. That word has two extra letters and is also on the complete other side of our planet, south of the equator. We do not have kangaroos or koalas and we were neither a colony of the British, which is a great achievement in my opinion. Venomous spiders and snakes that are bigger than me are also not a thing in my home country, fortunately. Jellyfish and sharks are also none of my favorite things but those are not any of my concerns either. 

When it comes to the movie “Sound of Music”, many Americans see that as the absolute source to be educated about Austrian culture, and while I am sure you learned a ton in those three hours when you watched it and you feel very Austrian and start to feel the individuality complex in your veins, not that you did not have it in the first place because you are American, but I have to disappoint you again actually. Most Austrians have never seen that film and do not even know that it exists, so you can probably tell by this description how much this represents the culture of our country. 

There is also a thing that I am really jealous of. Why do Americans have all of these stores and restaurants literally everywhere? In every second town there is always a Starbucks, a Dunkin Donuts, and most importantly, all of those amazing American fast food restaurants that probably cause cancer and diabetes, but dude, they satisfy your cravings as f**k. I could literally write a whole college essay about how Chipotle burritos and iced pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks probably changed my life forever. Honestly, Europeans have this petty stereotype of Americans in their minds, how they are so loud, overly happy and friendly anywhere they go, but to be fair, now that I have a Chipotle burrito and an iced pumpkin spice latte every week, I act the same way, and there is no shame in that at all. 

Also, I do not get how you people from New England can think that your small little town is boring and unexciting. Those towns are literally the prettiest and cutest thing ever, how can you not appreciate that? There are forests everywhere you look, which makes the air quality around us amazing. The architecture of the buildings and houses is also unique and aesthetically very pleasing. I absolutely love the gazebos in the towns, they remind me of series like Gilmore Girls and Pretty Little Liars, which should already be enough to be happy with where you live. 

Please, dear people of the land of the cheeseburgers, just consider what you ask us exchange students before you do it, it causes headaches. But even if you do not realize it, your country is pretty amazing, gotta give y’all credit for Chipotle.

Sincerely,

Your fellow American for this school year

P.S.:  You can still ask me which language we speak and tell me about your amazing experience with “Sound of Music”, it’s okay, I prepared myself for this pain for months, you are welcome.