Having strong feelings for another may lead to a trail of high hopes and misunderstandings in life. In many cases, I’ve put forth most effort, was the one left hurt and continued coming back; I tend to care too much. The experience I went through last December has made an impact on my life completely, because I wouldn’t be who I am today without so. See, the feelings I gained for this guy were like night and day, because we were opposites but we came together at some point because opposites attract one another. To be so infatuated that all you do is talk, think and deeply care for someone may change one’s outlook in life, because caring for another on a deep level is something that may scare people away. I was this young girl with no real experience in love so I gave my all to him, because he was my prince charming. I thought everything was perfect and content, because in the moment my life felt just right… and I felt at peace. Moving on in my opinion was not an option because I thought I’d never have the courage to say goodbye.

The first conversation we had made me open my eyes upon what I enjoy most in others because him being extremely sweet and hilarious definitely caught my attention because that’s what I love being around; happiness. I honestly had no clue he’d make such an impact in my life as he did but there goes to show that in life you never know what can happen. He didn’t treat me like a normal guy would, that will call you beautiful and pretty just to talk to you; he was different. We were like two peas in a pot, because I remember coming to him for everything whether positive or negative I knew he’d be by my side along the way. Everything began as typical, we got to know one another to soon begin being inseparable, because we pretty much did everything together and made sure to let each other in on everything that was occurring. The one thing about love is that you don’t actually realize you’re in love until you view the entire situation and think to yourself, wow I’d do anything for this person. In my case, at the time I’d tell myself and others, “oh I love him” or “he’s perfect for me”, but truthfully I had no idea what I was talking about because now analyzing the situation I realize I understand more and view everything differently than beforehand. Mentally, I never prepared myself for a complete turn around in my life, because at that time everything was going smoothly and I’ve never had to go through anything that would change me as a person. Being wrapped around the fact that I was “in love” didn’t allow me to realize that something tragic may happen. I was clueless and drawn solely in the direction of someone I thought was my “everything” that my guards were down and I was blinded in a situation that didn’t know would tear me down in the long run.

All the days and months that go by can’t truly describe the experience I had with him, because it was more than that. I feel like the little things such as the way he looked at me or the excitement I’d get when seeing him brings back the memories more so. During winter break of 2012 my life completely changed. I had no clue whatsoever that everything that was going so well for me would soon end. All the laughter, cries, and memories flashed through me and I couldn’t help but break down and feel hopeless and shattered; I had to move on. How do you let go of your other half when you aren’t ready to, how do you emotionally move on from someone when all you do is think of them. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through my mind day end and day out and I felt as though I had no escape, that I would be stuck in a place where no one would understand me. I remember everything felt surreal and I remember not understanding why this was happening and feeling hopeless and emotionless. To be hit with such information that can hurt you endlessly is tough but it’s something that’s manageable. I’ve learned a lot through this experience, because it made me wiser and more alert of my surroundings. I now know that happiness should come from within first rather than another because if something tragic happens your all you have. It’s hard to let go, but in life that may be the only decision left because doing what’s best for yourself is important and keeping a straight eye on what you want should be a priority. Looking back on everything, I can’t say that I wasn’t in love, because I was and I’m more than glad I had this experience because it definitely shapes who I am today.

He was so charming and wonderful, he wouldn’t just tell me everything I wanted to hear to make me smile; he was just right for me. I felt as though we’d last forever because he’d always say so and I believed him. I fell for his personality and like my aunt would always say, “Once you fall for the personality, there’s no turning back”. I really liked how whenever he was happy I would be too and vice versa because it made me feel like everything was just right. I loved how my family enjoyed his company and how we had so many plans and opportunities ahead of each other that all we’d do is picture ourselves in the future. We were so happy and no one could tell us elsewise because no one else mattered to us, because we had each other. Hurting me over and over was something he began to do and I was confused because everything that seemed so right was turning elsewise. I didn’t think too much into what was going on because I thought well maybe he’s going through something personally that’s making him act in such manner; I was wrong. Not being himself and acting careless were few of the signs I began to notice daily, and from then on things changed. He wasn’t the guy I met who made me smile and laugh anymore, because I felt a different vibe and I didn’t like it. Eventually, I looked at the situation and thought to myself why do I continue to be treated in such manner that isn’t what I need.

To this day, I can’t genuinely describe how he made me feel, because love is something so beautiful and delicate that explaining will be more than difficult to expose. Everyone has their own outlook on it and experiences of it and I believe they overall describe one another. Allowing another to have your happiness is something that should be lovely and rare because if all ends someone is usually left hurt. I remember all the butterflies and sleepless nights I experienced and that made me feel wonderful but now viewing the situation I’m glad I moved on because being hurt and defeated is nothing I would want to run back to. Of course I miss him, because he was my life and I felt attached and comfortable but I realize that everything happens for a reason and with that it’s not too hard to let go. From all the experiences I’ve gone through in life, I’d have to say this is by far one that will carry with me in the long run, because I wouldn’t be who I am today without the experience of being hurt, lied to, and defeated. Don’t get me wrong, he still has a spot in my heart, but I wouldn’t in a heartbeat take him back, because looking at him with tears in my eyes I said goodbye…. and I meant it; for good.