The beeping kept going. It was
steady, beeping once every second. The walls radiated with the sense of
sterility. The only thing that is on the walls are pictures of people washing
their hands or checking temperatures. Other than that, the walls were pure
white. When the lights were on all the way, it seemed as if you were walking
into heaven. In this case, heaven was the one subject I was avoiding.

            The bed that was in the room was occupied.
A skinny body made the blankets stretch. It was perfectly still except for the
small rises coming from the chest area. Small hands came out over the top of
the extremely clean white blankets. Both had IVs coming from the back of them. There
was a breathing mask over the body’s face. The head had scraggly brown hair
with sunken in eyes and hollowed out cheeks. The whole body looked like a
corpse sitting in the bed. The only telltale sign of life was the small rises
in the chest.

            I grabbed one of the hands and tried
to keep from crying. I still had blood stains on my arms and on my clothes. I refused
for them to clean me up. I only cared about the person in the bed. A strand of
my straight blond hair fell in front of my face. I felt my ice blue eyes start
to sting. I wouldn’t let myself cry. I had to do it for him.

            The person in the bed is my best
friend. The only person who I ever let into my heart. He saw the deep secrets
that laid within and didn’t run. I waited my whole life for someone to make me
feel like I was in a movie. And now, here we were. In our own little movie, but
with him in the hospital. A chill ran up my spine and the sobs came out. I could
not keep the tears in anymore. I tried my hardest to keep him conscious but it wasn’t
good enough.

            It started when I coming home from
work but he called me. I wasn’t going to accept his call because I was driving
but his name flashed and I had to pick it up.

            “Hello Matt.”

            “Hi Jen,” he said with a sigh.

            “Babe, what’s wrong.”

            “Jen...can you pick up some pasta
before you come home.”

            “You sound upset. What’s wrong?”

            Matt took another deep sigh, “I have
a plan and I just you to that for me. That’d make me really happy,” Matt choked
a little, “I just need...time.”

            “Time for what?” I was a little
worried but I tried not to show it.

            “Just…get that.”

            “Okays. Love you babe,”

            This time it sounded like he was
crying, “I love you too babe. Goodbye.”

            Before I could say bye or question why
he didn’t just say “See you later,” he hung up. I knew something was wrong. It felt
really wrong to go to the store. I haven’t seen Matt be sad, let alone cry. I put
my phone away before something else happened and focused on getting to my
house. As soon as I got home, I didn’t even care to lock my car. I barreled
inside and tried to catch my breath, “Matt?” There was no reply. My worry
increased, “Matt?” Still no answer. “Matt!” I ran to all the rooms on the first
floor. I couldn’t find him anywhere. When I got to the kitchen, the medicine cabinet
was thrown open with bottles on the floor. My worry sky rocketed at that point.
I ran to the bathroom and threw it open. Empty. I couldn’t contain my tears. Tears
streaming down my face, I ran upstairs and searched all the bedrooms. The bathroom
upstairs was the only place unsearched. I tried to open up the door, but it was
slammed shut. “Matt, open up the door!” No response. “Matt open the door!” My
mind was racing a million miles a minute. I didn’t care. I kicked down the
door. It swung open and the first thing I smelled was blood.

            On the floor was a razor blade, with
blood dripping off of it. Then next to it was an empty bottle. I collapsed to
my knees. The tears kept coming. I knew Matt had issues and dealt with
depression, but I never would have guessed that he would do this. In the
bathtub was Matt. His wrists were sliced open and I could see the veins. And there
was a little foam coming out of his mouth. I gathered up what strength I had
and grabbed the hydrogen peroxide on the counter. I poured enough down his
throat and then checked his pulse and all the vitals. I couldn’t believe he was
alive. I took a towel and wrapped up his wrists. Then I called the ambulance. I
slid behind him in the tub and heard a small groan escape from Matt, “Matt!
Please hold on!”

            His brown eyes flickered open for a
second when another groan escaped, “Why? Why did you stay?”

            “I love you, I would never leave
you.”

            “I’m a failure Jen. Just,” he
coughed and a bloom of red flooded into the towels, “Let me die.”

            I started to shake as more tears
came out, “I’m not going to let you die!”

            “You weren’t supposed to see
this.”

            I held his head and just held onto him,
trying to keep him awake, “You were there for me when I went through this
depression as well. You were there for me. Why do you think you were a failure?”

            “I couldn’t make you happy.”

            “I’ve been nothing but happy with
you. I would give anything to be in your place. Just hold on!”

            The ambulance came right as Matt was
starting to fade. The tears eventually stopped. I had to be strong for Matt.
The EMTs wanted to have me cleaned up and taken away but I wouldn’t go. I was
going to be there for him. They took him away for about a day to make sure he
was still breathing and didn’t have brain damage from the blood loss and the
attempted over doss. He was finally able to be visited and I was the first one
to be in there. I’ve been holding onto his hand since I was able to see him and
I won’t leave no matter what. He didn’t give up on me and I will not give up on
him.

            A nurse ducks in around eight o’clock,
“Jen, visiting hours are over. Plus, you’ve been here for three days and haven’t
eaten.”

            I glared my bloodshot eyes at her, “I’m
fine. I’m going to stay here until he wakes up.”

            She rolled her eyes, “I’ll have one
of Matt’s parents bring you something. They went to get food. You know, Jen,
they are really grateful that you were there.”

            “Thanks.”

            The door shut behind her and the
room was quiet again besides the beeping of the machines. I could feel my eyes
slowly fluttering, my body telling me I needed to sleep. I kept staring at Matt’s
closed eyes. His chest rising and falling, breathing in the oxygen the mask
gave him. I squeezed his hand, “Matt, please hold on. You aren’t a failure. You’re
my hero. My prince charming,” The tears came again and the headache that
developed pounded, “You’re everything I ever wanted. I love you.” I leaned in
and removed the gas mask gently. With his breathing still going as it was, I leaned
in and kissed him gently on the lips. I could feel the heat radiating off of
his lips but the rest of his face was cold. I kissed him on the lips again then
slowly kissed up his cheeks, stopping on his forehead. I placed the mask back
over his nose and pecked his forehead.

            “I can’t live without you, please
hold on. Please don’t die tonight,”

            The heart monitor slowed down. I released
my grip on his hand, bringing my hands clutched tight in front of my face. Matt’s
eyes shot open and his hands grasped the sheets. I immediately reached over and
pressed the nurse’s button repeatedly. With one hand, I kept pressing the button
and with the other one I held his hand, “Matt, fight that. Fight this. Don’t
die!”

            Matt’s eyes fluttered and a groan
came from deep inside. My hand that was pressing the button went to Matt’s
hand. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to channel my energy into him.

            Matt’s eyes stopped fluttering and
closed softly, “Jen..”

            I prayed in my head that this was a
good thing, “Matt, I’m here.”

            He struggled but squeezed my hand, “Jen…you
are my princess.”

            One tear escaped my eye, “I love
you.”

            The monitor slowed down as the nurse
arrived. More and more nurses flooded in to the room trying to keep Matt alive.
One tried to pull me out of the room but I resisted. Nothing would take me
away. I kept eye contact with him even though my eyes were wet with tears.

            Matt struggled away from a nurse
that was trying to put an IV in his neck, “Jen… I love you,” He said as a soft
groan escaped his paling lips.

            The nurse rush and the sudden flood
of doctors seemed to fade. I kept my eyes locked on Matt and he kept his on me.
I kept my hands on his hand. His hands seemed to warm and then got deathly
cold.

            “Matt, Matt!!!! Stay with me! You’ll
make it!!!! Just don’t let me go.”

            With the last little bit of effort
Matt had, he forced himself to open his eyes, “Jen…I love you. Don’t let me
fade away…goodbye.”

            “Matt! Don’t die! Matt..,” I felt
the last little bit of life drain out of Matt as the monitor flat lined. All of
my energy flowed out of me and the tears came again. In the midst of the chaos,
I stood up and leaned over Matt. I removed the gas mask and set it on the
table. I traced the line I kissed from his forehead to his lips. I leaned in
and kissed him as gently as I could even though I knew he was dead. I ran my
hand through his hair and then stood up. I fought as hard as I could and it
wasn’t enough. I collapsed on the chair next to the bed and all my tears came
out, along with all the anger and despair that was held inside. I screamed into
my hands as loud as I could and for as long as I could. My face was burning in
my hands. The tears washed my face but couldn’t get rid of the pain. I screamed
into my hands again as I heard small footsteps and I felt Matt’s parents
presence next to me. They both rubbed my back as I screamed. Then, a small beep
came from the monitor.

            The heart monitor fired up again. Slowly,
then faster, then faster. Beeping cut through all the commotions. I rushed off
the chair and fell on my knees by Matt’s chest. I put a hand on his chest and
felt it rise. A giant smile rose on my face as I cried harder. Matt’s eyes
fluttered open slowly, reveling the soft brown eyes that captivated me the
first time I saw him. My heart did a back flip when his lips were moving
slowly. I inched closer trying to hear what he was trying to say. Then I felt a
hand on the back of my head pulling me closer. I closed my eyes as I felt Matt
move beneath me. I felt Matt’s warm lips on my forehead, kissing a line down to
my lips. They finally landed on my lips and I drank in his love. He stared at
me in the eyes and slowly whispered, “Not going to die tonight.”