TATIANA

I let his hands explore my torso, his thumb brush my lower waist and his index finger cup the curve of my rather small breast. Here I was the “good girl: letting this guy inspect one of my most intimate places with his experienced hand. I barely knew him but one thing I was sure of was that he was popular. This meant more votes for my campaign to be student president. Yet I didn’t feel a hint of thrill whatsoever. Last time I had done anything like this was last month was with Matt behind the school gym, but I had my bra on. Matt, the thought of him makes me cringe. The popular guys hand stops exploring-what was his name again? MATT, MATT, MATT. Flashes of his face cloud my mind. “Is everything okay?” asks Nick, that’s his name right? His question pierces my thoughts. I blink, “Oh… fine” I simply say, sitting up, pulling my shirt down. Leaving my push up Victoria secret bra on the side of his bed. Oh well, he could keep it. I needed to go somewhere else, erase my thoughts. Nick, yep that’s his name I’m sure of it now, looks rather confused but shrugs and mutters “see you at the campaign”. I avoided his eyes and rushed out of his semi-messy room.

JESSICA


I practiced doing the splits in my beyond short cheerleading skirt. I knew I shouldn’t be warming up in my cheer outfit but I had forgotten my gym shorts in Matt’s car yesterday. He’s my work out buddy and can I just say I wouldn’t have a problem watching him flex and lift weights all day; you could say it entices me. I don’t think he would say the same about me, since the breakup between him and Tatiana he wants nothing to do with girls. Doesn’t hurt to wear a sports bra that clings to my rack and gym shorts that barely cover my toned butt, when working out with him. I could see Matt crossing the field practicing for the big game tonight. I do a cart wheel, hoping to catch his eye, successfully doing so. He runs over to me smiling, “That doesn’t look like the right attire” he said teasingly, scanning me up and down. I rolled my eyes, “your car thought my gym shorts would look better on their seat” I joked back. “Cant say I disagree” he whispered and winked, before running back to his teammates where his couch had called him over. I didn’t even let myself think he was flirting, that’s just his personality. I looked over at my cheer team who were giving me dirty looks, must be the way I’m dressed, I told myself.

MATT

The smell of sweat, steam, and rust plunged my nose when I entered the locker room to gear up for the big game. Throughout practice all I could think of was Jessica and how she looked in her cheer outfit. Whoa Matt, don’t go thinking about her, she’s not yours. Simple work out buddies, nothing more. Besides Esteben practically claimed her, although they don’t go public much, I’m pretty sure they are a thing. Of course I’ve heard the vile rumors of Jessica, but I know they aren’t true. She’s basically the only girl I hang out with without having some thought of getting her into bed. It’s a nice change, actually. Maybe she’s the only thing that keeps my mind off Tatiana. There I go thinking about her now! She hated me, and I couldn’t blame her. I had screwed her over, the reason I’ve learned to settle with is quite simply…she wasn’t enough for me. I had known she was giving me everything she was comfortable was, but it wasn’t enough. Or perhaps it was the fact I was falling deeply in love with her, and I could even let her see that. I’m the quarter back. My lack of feeling and superior strength always steals the point. So why had I felt I had lost the game with Tatiana? Yet I wanted to score a touchdown with Jessica? F*** YOU hormones.

NICK

I let one of my best friends, Uriel, into my room while pulling on a shirt over my well deserved six-pack. I flopped onto my bed as Uriel caught a glimpse of Tatiana’s bra on the floor. “Welllllll what’s THIS?” he asked picking it up studying the cup size. I chuckled and answered, “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you”. He punched my arm and threw the bra at me shouting “BULL S***”. “Fine, Tatiana Lars” I said plainly, examining the bra. Uriel stared at me in disbelief, “Matt’s ex? Dude if he finds out…” he warned with his jaw dropped. I rolled my eyes and without thinking blurted out, “then he can suck me too”. I was asking for it now, he was right if Matt did ever find out I was royally screwed.

TATIANA

“Hi! Thanks for being interested in helping out…” I started to say standing up from behind the table pulling out more flyers, until I saw who was at my booth. Matt, he looked more amazing than ever with his tanned skin. He smiled, but it looked forced, I felt my face get hot. “Hey Tatiana, how’s the charity going?” he finally asked after a few moments of silence. “G-great. How is football?” I glanced at his teammates who were trying a vegan cupcake. “I’m thinking about taking a break this year, but the cheerleaders haven’t been hotter”, he joked catching my eye. I felt a ping of jealousy and shrugged, assorting flyers neatly. He leaned down over me close enough so I could smell his cologne. I remembered the first bottle I bought him for a anniversary. I choked under my breathe forcing back the memories and went to the opposite side of the table. “Well I gotta go, great seeing you. You’re going to be taller than me sooner than we know it” he laughed and caught up with his friends. I felt my face get hot again, he always use to tease me about my height. I spotted Jessica Lopez, a girl from school make her way to my booth. “Awww I love animals” she squealed, noticing a flier asking for help at the petting zoo. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond so I just stood there like an idiot. She took a flier and waved then tuned around and made her way over to Matt. Oh that’s right she was one of the ‘hot cheerleaders’.

MATT

I knew I shouldn’t have teased Tatiana about her height; I was probably giving her the wrong idea. So why did it satisfy me when she blushed? Shut up. I shoved a piece of vegan cupcake into my mouth, listening to my teammates read off the ingredients. “BOO” I felt someone whisper into my ear from behind wrapping their perfectly smooth arms around me. I turned around surprised, “You’re gonna give me a heart attack, Jessica”. I laughed as she wiped a chocolate crumb off my chin, and then licked her finger. Only a horny teenager would think the dirtiest things as she did a simple gesture. “I need my gym shorts from your car” she purred, sliding her hand into my back pocket looking for the keys. I shivered at her hand; she pulled out my keys and jingled them. She locked her arm around mine and I lead her to the parking lot, catching a glimpse of Tatiana’s face which was filled with jealousy. “There they are”, Jessica said leaning down to pick up her shorts from the seat. I scanned her body, and couldn’t help but ask, “Want company with your workout?”

TATIANA

Seeing matt with that slut Jessica made me more than mad. Maybe that’s why I asked Nick if I could spend the night. I wanted company and someone to vent to, not that Nick was really someone I trusted we had done stuff before and kept his mouth shut-at least that I know of. It was late, around 11 when I finally forced myself to stop eating fudge ice cream and watching the notebook crying to myself. When I got to Nicks I fell into his arms and started crying again. He listened to me for two whole hours until I didn’t have any tears left in me. “Thanks for listening….” I said dumbly lying down onto his welcoming bed. He climbed into bed next to me and softly rubbed my back, as both our breathing were in rhythm. I turned so we were facing, and kissed him, it wasn’t a romantic kiss, more like a hungry desperate one. This led to us stripping each other of clothes. No extra voted for the election this time, just simply the need to feel wanted. Here I was loosing my virginity after pouring my heart out to the school player. I didn’t feel happy nor achieved, yet I still went with it, and yet I still felt needed.

NICK

I hadn’t planned on sleeping with Tatiana EVER, but when and after it happened I had regrets. I wish I could feel the same for her, but the next morning all I could see was written all over her. “Er… good morning” I said sitting up, running my hands through my messy hair. Tatiana was already dressed and sitting at the edge of my bad. “I just wanted to say… I’m sorry for last night. All of it”, she said bluntly. I got up quickly and wrapped my arms around her fragile figure, hugging her, “Don’t be sorry”, I whispered into her soft hair. I could feel her body shake violently with the silent sobs. “It…wasn’t supposed to happen with YOU, Nick” she said pulling away and grabbing her stuff. Ouch. I crossed my arms, standing rigidly, trying to hide the pain I was feeling. “Well then… I’m sorry”, I muttered. She looked at me with mascara streaked cheeks and mouthed an apology. I walked mechanically into my bathroom after she had left, and turned the shower on. What had I done wrong? Was I not enough? I washed all the questions and feelings down the drain.

JESSICA

I had spent the night at Matt’s after our long hot workout; we watched horror movies and ate 4 bags of popcorn before passing out. I woke up pretty late and looked over at Matt who was still sleeping peacefully. I got up and took a shower, when I came back into his room he was up and scanned me wrapped in the towel. I smiled and sat on his bed, not caring to get dressed yet. “How did you sleep?” I asked, picking up the remote and turning on the TV. “Amazing” he answered pulling me towards him, I giggled. “Maaattt stop, you need to get dressed” I insisted pointing to the clock that read 11am. “But I don’t wanna” he whined pulling the covers over me as he slipped the towel away from my still damp body. I looked into his eyes but couldn’t tell if he was just being playful or was serious. He pulled himself over me as we tangled each other in his dark navy sheets that smelled just like him. He gently brushed a piece of her from my face, and he kissed me softly yet passionately. I had wanted this moment since I first lay eyes on him years ago. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, moment ruined by a loud knock on his front door. He sighed and I tried my best to hide the disappointment. He pulled his pants on and went downstairs leaving me in his bed alone. I waited 5 minutes for him to come back, must be someone important, I dragged myself out of his bed. I threw the towel into his hamper and started getting dressed.

MATT

I opened the door to find Tatiana standing on my front porch, for the first time since summer. This might have caused for my jaw to drop, maybe it also caused me to forget I was seconds to do the unthinkable with Jessica, and the fact she was waiting upstairs for me. Maybe it’s because I will drop to my knees when Tatiana blushes, that I insisted her inside. Maybe it’s the way Tatiana held my arm like an innocent little girl; I led her upstairs to my bedroom. No, it’s because I’m stupid. I opened the door and stood in my doorway as Jessica was (thank goodness) dressed and staring at me in confusion. Tatiana looked at me angrily, “Am I interrupting something”. “NO!” I said quickly, wrapping my arm around her waist although she hadn’t moved. “Jessica was just leaving” I insisted, avoiding Jessica’s eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the way she might have been looking at me. “Yeah… good job with the workout” she said quietly, pushing past us. As soon as we heard the front door slam, Tatiana pushed me onto my bed and climbed onto of me. De ja vu? Just with a different girl less than 10 minutes ago. I knew this was wrong, but why didn’t I stop it?

TATIANA

Having sex with Matt was something I hadn’t wanted since 9th grade, the fact that I had ruined whatever him and Jessica had been doing was a bonus. I couldn’t help but feel guilty about lying to matt he had taken my virginity, or keeping the fact I had slept with someone 24 hours before him. The sex with him wasn’t really magical not romantic, I left as soon as we were done and I didn’t hear from him over the next few days. It was enough to tell I was in love with him, though. I hadn’t noticed how much I missed him, seeing him for a year and not being able to hug him or sneak in a kiss when no one was looking, hurt badly. The next Monday, I stood at my locker collecting my AP English books, when I spotted matt coming down the hallway with his football team. I turned and smiled waiting for him to pick me and spin me around like he used to, but when he walked right past me without even looking my way, I had to blink back tears. I slammed my locker shut as the bell rung, and turned the corner where I saw Matt and Jessica talking.
JESSICA

“I have to go to class, Matt” I said irritated, pushing past him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. “I know you’re mad but I really need to talk to you”, he pleaded. I rolled my eyes and impatiently said “talk”. He looked down uncomfortable, “Jessica I…” he was in interrupted by Tatiana hugging him-and parting us. “Hi babe”, she said cheerfully smiling at the both of us. I rolled my eyes and walked down the hall, letting the tears fall freely. Stop it, they deserve each other. I was stopped in the hallway by Nick, who looked terrible. His hair was messy, his eyes were blood shot, and he was still in pajamas. “Are you okay?!” I asked wiping my tears away quickly. “Not any better than you” he answered noticing my watery eyes. “Wanna talk about it?” I suggested, taking his hand. “Please” he said relieved.

NICK

Why I had ditched class to talk to Jessica about everything that was happening in my life, is beyond me. But I had done it, and it actually made me feel better. She insisted I be honest with Tatiana and stop beating myself up about it inside. I called Tatiana and invited her over, saying I needed help with AP English homework. She was over within 20 minutes, “Come on upstairs” I called to her after my step mom invited her inside. I was greeted by Tatiana who looked like she would rather be anywhere but here. “Uh… you look great” I said sitting her on my bed where random text books were opened up. “Thanks” she said plainly, pulling out her phone to text people. “Look um… I don’t really need help my homework. It’s just… alright. I’ve never actually had a legit gf. Just hook ups and stuff like that. But…” I stopped waiting for her attention. She looked up from her phone impatiently waiting for me to go on. “Idk… I have strong feelings for you Tatiana, and it’s not just because of the stuff we did. I think I love you.” I looked up her waiting for a reply, but she just stared at me for what seemed like a life time, before she stood up and before leaving quietly said “I shouldn’t be here”. I stood there dumbfound, feeling my heart crumble for the first time.

MATT

A good party sounded like a great way to get my mind off girl drama. All week I had been freaking out over how to get Jessica to talk to me and how to get 5 minutes away from Tatiana. I had lied and told Tatiana I was going to stay home and catch up on all my homework, ha yeah right, it was Friday night! I relaxed onto the couch next to some friends while I watched Esteban roll a joint. After a few shots, couple beers, misc. pills, and a few hits from a bong I was spinning. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jessica with Esteben throughout the night, which just caused me to drink more. Anything to blur that image, I didn’t want to see her with any other guy. Someone woke me up and whispered that the party was over. I groaned at my pounding headache and queasy stomach. I opened my eyes slowly and saw Jessica helping me to my feet. I stumbled and reached for her as she helped me steady myself. “Jessica… I love you” I heard myself say. She looked at me sternly, “Im taking you home, come on” she lead me to her car as I fumbled to find the seat. “I’m in love with you” I said reaching for hand. “You’re drunk, Matt” she answered, closing the passenger door.

TATIANA

I had woken up early on Saturday morning craving to be held by Matt. I decided to bring him pancakes from our favorite breakfast café. I knocked on his door, after picking up the food to-go, and was greeted by his handsomely young father. “Good morning sir. Is Matt awake yet?” I asked smiling as he invited me inside. “I’m afraid not. Feel free to wake him though, sweetie” he said politely leaving me at the stairway. I tip-toed into his room and set the to-go boxes on his night-stand. I slipped out of my dress and climb into his bed next to him where he was deeply asleep. I curled up next to him and tucked my face into his warm neck where I fell asleep to the sound of his calm pulse. I awoke to him eating his pancakes sitting up, watching the news. “Mmm, good morning” I said kissing his syrupy lips. He set the box down and hovered over me, kissing me again. “You’re seriously the best gf ever”, he purred into my neck. And there with his handsome father downstairs, the sound of a woman explaining budget cuts in the background, and the scent of blueberry pancakes surrounding us, we made love.

JESSICA

Being lonely on a Saturday is one of the worst feelings, so I invited Nick to go out to eat. Not sure why I called HIM…maybe because he’s really the only person I want to be around lately. I had been tempted to spend the night on Matt’s floor last night because of how messed up he seemed, but after the things he was saying I knew the best thing to do was leave him to recover on his own. Besides, he hadn’t been serious, who knows how intoxicated he was. Ugh… that’s it I needed to text matt. Hey, hopefully I’m not waking you, I just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay. I threw my phone into my purse and headed out the door to meet Nick who had honked the horn of his huge diesel truck. I waved at him and climbed into the monstrous seat, “where to?” I asked smiling. “Sushi?” he suggested. “Perfect, I would kill for a Dragon Roll” I answered jokingly. This was nice…. I hadn’t laughed or had sushi in awhile.

MATT

I threw away the empty to-go box and got dressed while Tatiana freshened up in the bathroom. I heard my phone Ding alerting me I had a message from somewhere beyond the ocean of my navy blue sheets. I searched around and finally found it, opening the text alert on my screen. It was from Jessica asking how I was. Huh. I had totally forgotten about last night. As I was getting ready to reply I felt Tatiana’s arms around me. I turned my screen off quickly and dropped my phone into my pocket. I turned around admiring the way she looked, “You look gorgeous”. She blushed and rolled her eyes, “I’m hungry babe” she playfully whined. “You know me I could eat 24/7 if I could” I joked, taking her soft hand, interlocking our fingers. “I was thinking sushi… then shopping?” she suggested fluttering her eyelashes. I kissed her forehead, “How could I tell you no”, I lead her downstairs into my mustang. As we drove to Sushi she rubbed my thigh, brushing over my phone, reminding me of the text from Jessica I still hadn’t replied to yet.

NICK

As much as I hated to admit it, I was actually enjoying the time I was spending with Jessica. We seemed to laugh a lot and talk about almost anything. “Aright, you weren’t kidding, these Dragon Rolls are delicious”, I laughed popping another one, that was drenched in soy sauce, into my mouth. She laughed as she wiped the soy sauce dripping down my chin up with a napkin. “So… you never told me what happened with Tatiana”, she said honestly curious. I sighed and pushed my empty plate away from me, “well I told her how I felt...and she basically laughed in my face”. Jessica’s mouth dropped, “REALLY?!”. I shrugged, “Basically… I mean she stared at me then left”. Jessica reached across the table almost flashing the entire restaurant her rack, for almost came spilling out of her low cut top. “I am so, so sorry. You deserve better”, she told me smiling. I could tell she really thought to and it made me smile. “Dessert is on me!” she exclaimed handing me the fancy menu. I watched her smiling to myself as she scanned the menu occasionally saying “ah” and “hmm”. She’s adorable… but my heart belongs to someone else. Or does it?



~~~~To be continued~~~