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Women in the Mirror
“Am I really alive or am I just a figure of someone else’s imagination? What is the reason for my existence?” Evaine thought to herself as she looked deeper into her bedroom mirror. She lightly ran her fingers over her pale skin, as she looked wide eyed into the mirror, “How can eyes sparkle, when they have seen nothing but evil?”
“Do you know what I don’t understand? How you can even look at yourself. You are nothing, but dirt beneath others shoes.” Evaine looked down as she listened closely.
“Look at yourself. Look at yourself! You know I’m right. Whatever once of beauty you see, is a figment of your imagination. You are not pretty, and you know it’s true. You hate yourself. You always have. I know what you really think about yourself, because I am you.” Looking up Evaine saw herself in the mirror. Only the girl she saw seemed to be different in some way. Evaine opened her mouth to say something in response.
“Don’t you say a thing! Just look. Look at yourself! What do you see?! What do you really see? I’ll tell you what you see, you see nothing! Do you know why, because you are nothing!” Evaine placed her hands over her ears, trying her hardest to block out the voice.
“You can’t block me out! I’m your voice. I may not have a body, but I’m you. I live in your head.”
“I have to try!” Evaine winced.
“You’ll never succeed, because you aren’t strong enough. You don’t have the will or power to stop me. You’ll never be able to! You’re not good enough to. You’ll never be good enough!”
“How do you know?!” screamed Evaine as tears poured down her cheeks.
“You want to know how I know, just look at your wrists, your thighs, your shoulder, and your breasts.” The voice hissed. Evaine looked at the ground, ashamed of her self-inflicted scars.
“Do you not see, each one you’ve made was not to hurt others, but to hurt yourself. Do you know why, because it’s all you can do. You hold back from hurting others, only to hurt yourself. You try your best to play that role, where you seem happy, only to come home to cry yourself asleep every night. You feel worthless, because you can’t help others, because you can’t stop them from getting hurt in the long run. When part of the reason they get hurt is because of you. You know this, and it kills you to know that you’re hurting someone whom you care about. You never mean to do it, but you feel you deserve to be hurt too, but when you hurt yourself, it also hurts the ones that care about you. Do you remember the first time you hurt yourself?”
“Yes.” Evaine murmured.
“What caused you to do it? What did you use to hurt yourself?”
“My Grandpa, Dad, brother, and I were building a swing set. I kept getting in the way instead of helping, but I was trying my best to help. I uh, I ended up running to my room, I scratched at my arm, and I hit my left arm repeatedly until I began to cry.”
“Do you remember how you felt when you were hurting yourself? Do you know how you feel every time you hurt yourself after that day?”
“Anger, I felt anger towards myself. Each and every time, I was angry at myself.”
“Why? Why were you angry at yourself?”
“Why are you doing this?!” Evaine screamed as she slammed her fist on her dresser.”
“I’m doing this to try to get you to realize that it’s not worth it, because you are worth so much more then you think, I would know. You don’t deserve to be hurting as much as you are. You don’t deserve to die; you deserve to live your life to the fullest. You deserve to be happy. You need to start accepting those complements, and you need to start believing in yourself. Stop focusing on the negative and start on the positive. You need to realize that there are people who care for you, and when they see you hurt, it hurts them. You are not worthless, you are not pathetic, you are not a w***e, and you are not ready to die yet. Do you know what you are though? You are worth so much more then you could ever dream. You were placed on this planet for a reason, now go find it. Stop cutting, stop scratching; stop strangling yourself, but most of all stop attempting to end it all. You deserve to be here, so start realizing it. Go out and live your life, because you only live once. Go be who you want to be. Just don’t hurt yourself anymore.”
“I can’t!” Evaine sobbed as she fell to her knees.
“You have to try. Just try.”
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