Letting Go | Teen Ink

Letting Go

April 20, 2022
By Anonymous

It was the hottest summer on record. Well, at least to Jacky it was. After Jacky's husband, Dave, left Jacky, everything just seemed more dreadful than it was. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to leave her just because she had a bee obsession. Yes, she had hundreds of apiaries in her yard just for the bees. Is that a big deal? Jacky didn’t think so. Even though Jacky would look out the window and see Dave running for his life with a swarm of bees behind him. 

They had been married for 22 years, and he just walked out because of some bees. She really couldn’t believe it. Summer was for a fun break, especially because she didn’t have to go back to teaching eight year olds for three months. But now, it was ruined and wasted. Not because Dave left her but because it was a little hot for the bees. It’s all Jacky thought about. Her bees. She ate, slept, and breathed the bees. Some people would feel like their life is falling apart. A middle aged divorced teacher that depends her happiness on little buzzing creatures. But Jacky didn’t. She felt as though she’d be better off without him. 

For now, she will enjoy the 100 degree weather in her trailer home with no air conditioning and take care of her bees without Dave. Every day was the same. Wake up to the sound of the trees blowing, sunshine through the windows, and profuse sweating. Laying in bed, she thought of how she never had kids. Never had much family. Running her whole life through her mind, she realized how alone she felt for the first time. She needed something to change. This summer was going to be different. This hot trailer home wasn’t keeping her here. 

She jumps out of bed and runs out the door. She sprints to the bee apiaries and unlocks all of the locks. She hesitates before she lets them out, thinking about how she’ll never get them back again. At first nothing happened. They stayed in the hives, staying with their queen. All of a sudden a couple come out, then a few follow, and soon hundreds are in the air. Swarms of little yellow and black dots flying into the sky, and loud buzzing disappears as they get further into the sky. It was the most beautiful thing Jacky had ever seen. The feeling of letting go of something she’s been holding onto for her whole life was the most freeing feeling she had ever felt.

 Jacky stands there and laughs while they fly away. The bees are gone. Forever. Jacky turns around and looks at her trailer. She thinks about it and realizes there really are no good memories in there. She frantically runs to the shed and grabs a gas can and a lighter. She goes in and pours the gas over everything. The counter, the floor, the bed, the couches, and flings the gas over the walls. She grabs a stick outside and pours gas all over it and lights it on fire. Leaving everything in the trailer, even her clothes. She chucks the flamey stick in the doorway and it automatically goes into a raging burst of flame. The flames go everywhere and the bright yellowy red pierces through the walls. She can feel the heat from it even though she was standing far back. 

She stands there and realizes the fire department could show up any moment. She can’t be here when they do, everyone would think she was psycho. She grabs her keys and takes the back roads out of town. Realizing she’ll probably never see her neighbors again hurt her heart a little bit. She’s not even sure what possessed her to do that, but it’s done. She turns around in her seat and sees smoke above the trees. 

“Oh God,” she said out loud, her voice shaking. 

If she burns the whole town down, they’ll be after her forever. She steps on the gas pedal and dust and rocks fly everywhere. 

Jacky drives, and drives, and drives. She doesn’t stop until she sees the steep sloping sides of mountains. She didn’t even know which mountains they were. The winding roads starts making her nauseous and annoyed her that she couldn’t set the cruise. 

After 30 minutes of driving she stops at the head cabin to see where she was and so she could get a cabin to stay in. Jacky asks the old guy running the head cabin for a place to stay that was the farthest out. He asks Jacky if she heard about the fire that got out of control not too far from here. She acts like she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She pays for the cabin, and he hands her the key. She grabs a map on the way out.

 The cabin she was looking for was named “point a9,” it was miles and miles out on the National Park map. Almost on the edge of the map where there wasn’t even a road leading to it. She drives about 20 minutes on the highway and then the map rears off to a dirt road that’s baked with mud. The road was pencil thin and there was no way two cars could pass each other. 

The mud is flying up on the windows and the tires are sinking but Jacky keeps going. She isn’t even sure if this 1990 Ford truck could make it. She comes across a gigantic hill. The single cab truck gets stuck halfway up. The wheels are spinning in the mud, she backs back down the hill to get a running start. She slams on the gas and the truck flies over the hill with the tires not even on the ground. 

As she’s going down the terrible road she looks around at the beauty of where she was. The further she got, the more of the mountains she could see. People would never find her back here. Miles and miles out, the map finally shows that she turns down the next right and that the cabin is there. Jacky was feeling nervous, she didn’t know what to expect. She turns and comes across the driveway with trees following down it. There it was. Wooden and boxy but charming. Sturdy and cramped but a little bit luxurious. It was everything she could have wanted. 

Jacky gets out of the truck and breathes. She has never smelled fresher air. The view was nothing she had ever seen before. Long, drawn out valleys with huge mountains waiting at the end. She could see for miles and the sun setting behind the mountain. She looks at the cabin and smiles. This is mine, she thought in her head. At least for a little while.

 Jacky opens the door, and it creaks open. Everything is dark except the light from the windows shining through, but the smell of wood overwhelms her. She feels the wall for a light switch. Nothing. 

“Oh great, no electricity. Should’ve expected that I guess,” Jacky says with an irritated tone.

She gets the kerosene lamp off the table. If she could light the lamp it would light the whole cabin up. She finds a flashlight and goes through all the drawers to find a lighter of some sort. Opens one drawer, nothing. Opens another, nothing but dust. She runs out to the truck and finds one in the glove compartment.

“Oh yeah!” Jacky yells in complete bliss. 

She runs back in and lights the lamp. The cabin is still sort of dark, but she can see a lot more clearly. She sees a small, cozy bed in the corner with large native blankets thrown on it. A sink on the other side with running water from the well outside. It was perfect for Jacky. She didn’t need anything more. She lays down and immediately falls asleep. 

Jacky wakes up, having no idea what time it was but it was bright outside with the sun shining through the window. She walks out of the cabin and the sun hits her. The warm wind, the birds singing, and the huge sky. It was like she could see the sky more vastly out here. She walks out further and hears something. 

“Buzz, Buzz, Buzz”

Jackys sees a whole swarm of bees.  She stands there, not afraid at all, while they swarm her. She stands in the middle of them, and it brings back flashbacks of her old bees. Maybe these are her old bees, maybe they're not. It didn’t really matter, because at that moment, all she saw were bees.


The author's comments:

I am a very outdoorsy person and I want to move to the mountains one day because I think this society is too technologically advanced. I want something more for myself.


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