A trail of lie's | Teen Ink

A trail of lie's

November 12, 2009
By Gatorpoet SILVER, Tavares, Florida
Gatorpoet SILVER, Tavares, Florida
9 articles 0 photos 11 comments

A lie tears you up inside,
Makes sure emotions cannot hide,
Leaves you broken on the floor,
Kicking till your heart is sore,
Bleeding, not blood, but waves of sorrow,
These wounds will not heal by tomorrow,
They'll keep a chronic pain going,
Make sure you are always knowing,
Then they heal but the mark is there,
And any pressure it will tear,
leave you back on that floor,
Lookin for that unseeable door,
A lie can change everything,
its the noble steed to ending,
A lie cannot stop love though,
In the end its the dead weed that helps it grow.

The author's comments:
This piece was inspired by a relationship I'm in and events that took place in it.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Dec. 17 2009 at 2:54 pm
katie_bugg GOLD, Scott Depot, West Virginia
14 articles 14 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But my heart, it is brighter than all the many stars in the sky"

-Edgar Allan Poe

i like this the flow is really nice, but it seems to be missing emotion it seems like you just kind of wrote it on the spur of the moment, but still good job :]

on Dec. 11 2009 at 3:12 am
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 297 comments
Hey, great poem! I really like it but I have some suggestions of minor changes~

In the line that goes "They'll keep a chronic pain going" i think you should split "they'll" into "they will" to keep up the flow as i found it a little short.

And I think it'd be better if the 10th line was "Add any pressure and it will tear". I think that 's what you meant but didn't write out. Just small things (: I love it !

on Dec. 9 2009 at 7:30 pm
CrystalClosure GOLD, Hudsonville, Michigan
11 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all like snowfakes, beautiful and fragile. Though our purpose is simple and our lives are short, we shall make the most of what we have been given."

great job Gator! L-O-V-E it

on Dec. 9 2009 at 3:54 pm
Gatorpoet SILVER, Tavares, Florida
9 articles 0 photos 11 comments
Ha thanks a lot

on Dec. 8 2009 at 1:50 pm
bluemagnet22 PLATINUM, Dearborn Hts, Michigan
24 articles 16 photos 644 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were born an origanal why die a copy?The secret to success is the consistency to pursue.To the world you may be one person,but to one person you may be the world.To receive the right answer,you must ask the right question.Don't worry be happy! :)

I like it

vry well writen

with a nice flow:)

jessi GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2009 at 11:18 pm
jessi GOLD, Nunya, Florida
15 articles 4 photos 115 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty."

O.o you are an amazing poet... so jealous right now. really like the 5 and 6 lines... overall good job!