“Ding Dong” the doorbell ever so loudly rang. I was hoping it was him. It wasn’t. My mind sobbed out with anger while, my mouth did the opposite “hey” I slowly muttered with a joyous voice. I was handed a letter from someone that was unknown to me. A face that a name couldn’t be put to. Anger filled my mind fire could have been coming out of my eyes but my hands and feet were disagreeing with my mind. Even the thought of me facing the mirror terrified me like I was nine again playing bloody mary with the lights off. My anger became noticeable in that moment the messenger was my enemy. I was mad at ink that came from a smooth pen he so tightly handled in his soft hands. I was mad at the paper so perfectly folded saying the things I wished he said in person so I could say something back.This time it was so surreal. That we were over. Us never having a future together.

Repeat. Repeat. One more time. Repeat.
The song that slowly helped my sorrows depart with my brown eyes and freckled nose. Cuddled up in bed not having the courage to turn and see where his head once laid. It was cold and empty. I was scared to fall asleep to relive the nightmare that I caused.
I didn't care about the chocolate or the expensive gifts. Then in that moment I realized this would be my first valentine alone. Maybe i’m  afraid of losing him. Maybe i’m afraid of being alone. Maybe I can’t be alone. It’s time for me to try to do something I was so scared of doing. Being alone.