I'm tired of initiating conversation
Contorting myself through the unlit pathways to your stories
Just to light a candle and find myself on a treadmill.
I'm tired of trying to solve your problems
Just to be flung to the ground when my advice is flawed.
I'm tired of always having to know what to say,
When to ignore my thoughts and just agree.
I'm tired of being afraid to need a hug
Because you never seem to want one.
I'm tired of relying on you for balance
When our relationship is quickly becoming one-sided
Or nonexistent.
I'm tired of a friendship that is never stationary or effortless,
A constant battle for your attention and affection.
I'm tired of being satisfied with sacrifice,
Convincing myself that reciprocity is optional,
That so long as I don't fall the hardest
I don't need a net.
But then I falter, and the earth gives way.
I cling to the fraying rope,
Far from peril
But drowning in fear nonetheless.
I reach for your hand,
But you have already scrambled to safety,
Using me as a footstool.
I pull myself up
And I am safe once again,
Left without scars
Just a severed rope.
I should have learned my lesson
Yet I lift you onto my shoulders and stagger
Under the weight of both our troubles once again.