I'm so caught in the middle

Sometimes I try not to write
for I feel like words won't allow me to figure it out
I don't even know
what I am trying to figure out

Its so painful to me

I'm trying to figure out why I stare
at people
in the hallway
and feel
as if I am watching a movie
So
Away
And so much so
that I have made a new feeling
But I try not to make this cliche

I don't really even know how to explain this to you
I'm so very
Away
from whatever life is
I am not lost
Now watch as I hesitate to type my next words because I am so lost
in my own thoughts
and what I am even thinking

It never occurred to me that any one
person
could feel this way
Its not a state of sadness
Its being aware that my eyes
blink to the beat of the ticking
and my brain
understands years before
they can even think
and my fingers
don't know
which ways to move
when I write my feelings
I am so aware, it almost scares me

But now I say
No
What are you writing
How can I explain that I see the sky
as a canvas
and I hate people because
they are so
human
and I can't stand the fact that
these lockers are such an ugly teal
And what does that even matter
Well it matters in the way that the world is so very ugly
but I am
this ugly
so who am I
to act different
I am just different in the ways
my eyes
see
but what confuses me is whether
or not
my soul sees at all

Sometimes I feel
14
and
infinite
But sometimes
I feel like a little sliver
of dead grass
that just
watches the
very
very
alive
world go by
So which one am I
Which one do I even want to be

It doesn't make sense because my soul is so
alive
but I cannot
show that
When can I?

I'm just so stuck in the middle
Stuck in the middle of Here.


But please
escape me

Please
Please

Let my soul see Jupiter.