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My Dream
August 11, 2013
I am in a dark whole
dirt covering my face and body
nothing but ripped clothing saving me from exposure
I am clinging onto every branch I see
Some crumble at my touch
...but it doesnt stop me
I push my self foward
looking for a brach who wont crumble away
one I can grasp onto with all my wieght
As I climb higher , I see a light
I can feel it dancing across my skin
I feel warmth and love
When I reach the top of the whole
I feel free
...I am free
© Brandon T., Manila, UT
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This article has 11 comments.
I love how you went about this! You did a really good job conveying that the "branches" you cling on to for hope, or the "light" were people in your life. I like how you used it metaphorically instead of as a simile, because with a simile you would just be coming out and saying that people were like branches, something of structure, but it didnt need to be conveyed that bluntly, so good choice on metaphor! I also love the act of climbing higher as a way to feel better. You dont just give up, you climb and find structure in anyway and I love it :D Maybe instead of saying the branches crumble, maybe you could have said something about grabbing onto rotten branches to help make it more realistic, and if you are starting from the ground maybe you could have mentioned that first you had to fight through the brush and the weeds to finally pull yourself up to the branches, just to add some more detail and realistic aspects to it. Overall, it was very well done and I really enjoyed this poem! Good Job! :D
rand0mteenager SILVER said...
on Aug. 27 2013 at 2:43 am
this poem is really great and i can totally get the message out of it. good job(:
Mollybug16 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 27 2013 at 12:19 am
Love it, great message and great writing!
LaChouette GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2013 at 11:53 pm
Nice piece. It has a really positive message. Very liberating. Nicely done!
mymindspoken SILVER said...
on Aug. 21 2013 at 9:53 pm
Wonderful writing, really portrays imagery which makes the reader get something from the writing beautifully done :)
