My Treasure Box | Teen Ink

My Treasure Box

June 12, 2011
By BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments

I look down on my world
It swirls green
And blue
And white
And though many miles
Of empty space
Separate us
The sounds of life
Reach
My ears
The rustle of leaves
The rush of water
The shouts
The chirps
The barks
The cries
My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing
A treasure
Of life
But it is not
Alone
I look beyond
My home
And see countless
Others
None
The same
None
Worthless
The universe
Is my treasure box
And only treasures dwell here



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This article has 17 comments.


on Sep. 17 2011 at 12:34 am
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

Seems to me like your a jack of all trades. Your poetry is near flawless , formatted or not , and your use of metaphor and descriptive words make this an enjoyable read. My favorite line is " The universe is my treasure box". Seriously , amazing job!

5 Stars :)


on Aug. 31 2011 at 8:01 pm
BeLoveToday PLATINUM, Manchester, New Hampshire
24 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
-Nelson Mandela

"Leave your fear of love behind,
let your dreaming be your guide.
If you seek, than you shall find."
-"Dreamer," by Elizaveta

I really enjoyed the metaphor you use; very creative. The interesting thing is that you could have gone a lot of different directions with this comparison, so the reader is anxiously awaiting your elaboration. I think that to improve this poem, you could consider going into more detail on specific moments. Instead of leaving it up to the reader's interpretation, zoom in on a few selected connections in the metaphor, and elaborate! Use those imagery skills, and draw us in with your language. Also, be careful when using one word lines that the chosen word really carries its weight. Though it is tempting to use a one word line for dramatic significance or pause, be sure to vary this with other means of emphasizing your point. Thanks for sharing your work; it is lovely!

Keep writing, Bella 

 


on Aug. 5 2011 at 4:36 pm
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND, Venetia, Pennsylvania
72 articles 232 photos 251 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe that no matter who you are we all leave footprints on this Earth

Lovely poem!

on Aug. 3 2011 at 11:22 pm
JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Gibberish is awesome, and if that's really what you did here I'll join the Support Gibberish Team! You did an awesome job, it's so simple yet really powerful. My favorite line is:

"My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing"

Just perfect!


on Aug. 3 2011 at 8:10 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
I am a staunch supporter of gibberish! lol.

on Aug. 2 2011 at 11:49 am
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 457 comments
Great job! Really good metaphors. :)

on Aug. 1 2011 at 7:02 am
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

b_gomez114.... i love what you just said about writing and formats.. its now on my last of favorite quotes:)

on Jul. 31 2011 at 9:59 am
b_gomez114 BRONZE, East Haven, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Well I'm not too fond of it. but not everyone has the same opinion.

on Jul. 30 2011 at 2:45 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
what's wrong with gibberish?

on Jul. 29 2011 at 3:51 pm
b_gomez114 BRONZE, East Haven, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do what you want with it. However, unless you're writing complete gibberish, there is still some type of format to it..right?

on Jul. 29 2011 at 3:13 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

What a lovely poem! I love the meaning behind it. It a great way to view life as a treasure. It is. One that should never be wasted. Thank you for entering into the Personification contest! you will know the results by August 7th at the latest!

on Jul. 29 2011 at 2:23 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
It's not so much a format, as a lack of a format.

on Jul. 28 2011 at 11:20 pm
b_gomez114 BRONZE, East Haven, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments
unique formatting, nicely done

OceanFey GOLD said...
on Jul. 14 2011 at 2:33 pm
OceanFey GOLD, North Potomac, Maryland
12 articles 1 photo 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. - Confucius

This is beautiful. My favorite line is "the universe is my treasure box." :D

on Jul. 4 2011 at 9:27 pm
Silent_Artist SILVER, Selma, North Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One day I'm gonna run away and never come back and when I come back I'm gonna be the knife master" - Jimmy The Rev Sullivan. Not much of a deep meaning but it makes me laugh.

It's nice :)

Mariam.J GOLD said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 1:31 am
Mariam.J GOLD, Dubai, Other
16 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't have many favourite quotes , though I do love the truth that 'change is constant .'
For you , a thousand times over - Hassan , The Kite Runner
If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time , don't drag your feet - Rudyard Kipling

G0d, this is pretty ( :

Really nice. The structure of the poem just makes it even more enjoyable to read :D


on Jun. 29 2011 at 5:22 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

I absolutley love this... It doesn't sound like something I would write or even think about writing but the wayyou pulled it all together really made it good, even if it's not my style I love it! :)