I lie, lie and lie
But it is just to not hurt your feelings
I m not bad
Am I?
I probably am
But I cant help it
U have found a meek fearless person
Who doesnt even have courage to say the truth
I want this lie to be carried on
But I die everyday with guilt
The guilt has engulfed me making me a self loathing pathological people pleaser
I dont think time will be in my favour in long run
But I fear to lose you
I cant stand u
I dont wanna be with u
But I cant hurt u
Nor can I break up with u
Nor can I stay apart from u
Nor can I be nice to u
Nor can I....just....
I m tired
I cry everyday
Question myself
Then subtly trick myself into believing I m right
And this cowardly foolish cat again turns back and thinks I am bad
Its way too much
I never realised it would be so difficult and hurt so much growing up
I m sorry
I m really very sorry
Its not u, its me
I m coward, bad, unfaithful
Something u dont deserve
I hope u forgive me
Even if its unforgivable
I have cherished u
But I think I m not stable to have u or even to let u go
Its for the best to separate our ways
I wanna free u from my mental cage
So I cannot leave u darling,
Nor can stay.....