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Covid Halmoni
My Grandma remembers my name
is what I tell myself when she calls me Nate,
my cousin’s name.
Her laugh echoing through my mind
as we all sit at the brightly lit dinner table.
Plates of delicious kalbi and soondubu jjigae
lie over the table,
a blanket of deliciousness.
It was one of those nights
where the normally artificial harsh, bright lights
give off a warm comforting glow.
Foods that many people would call foreign
and strange, I call them delicious.
My Grandma playfully slaps me on the shoulder
saying, “Aigoo, don’t test me, I know your name!”
My Dad erupts into laughter with his echoing belly
laugh filling the room, contagiously
making us all burst into giggles.
My cheeks begin to ache from smiling
so much; my grin permanently set onto my face.
My sister turns her head with a mischievous smile
creeping across her face. She asks lightheartedly,
“Hey, Halmoni, what is my name?”
We all tease our grandmother about it, but deep down
somewhere deep in the recesses, we know confidently.
that she remembers…
deep
deep
down
wrapped in delicate butcher paper and twine.
It’s been a year since she’s been home.
Stuck in limbo during the pandemic,
on a trip to see Uncle that went
awry due to Covid. A year later, she is back.
Sometimes I forget
the moments we shared. Like midst,
they are there for an instant, so real, then
gone forever.
My sister’s favorite movie, Ferris Buller buzzes in the background as we eat.
Charlie Brown like “wha wha wha” echoes in the kitchen.
Suddenly,
“Life moves pretty fast sometimes,
if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you'll miss it.”
My eyes dart toward Halmoni, her paper thin skin, pale but glowing.
She smiles and her eyes crinkle into have moons.
I pause, squeeze her hand, mirror her crinkles back, and exhale slowly.
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This was a poem that had a lot of significance to me. I wrote this after my grandmother had been away for a year and had just recently come back. When I was asked to write something about a truth in my life, this story of my grandmother forgetting my name came to mind. My Grandma is almost 92, but in the last 5 years, has become more forgetful. She has lived with us for the last 13 years. I wanted to express my love for her even though sometimes she forgets my name. The more I wrote, the more my emotions came out and the memories just filled the page. I revised and added more depth to my poem by using Korean words such as Halmoni (grandma in Korean) and traditional Korean foods such as soondubu, a spicy tofu dish my grandmother loves.