Fingertips pattering across the keys
syllables and letters intertwining into
sentences with deep meaning
But I still cannot click send
Disguising my fear with a fathomable smile
I ask how you are
Although all I wish to say
Is how my heart beats passionately
and my butterflies vibrate my bones
My brain gets all overwhelmed
When your around
Lately I haven't slept well
Because I fall asleep and I'm in your arms
I have you closer in my head and heart
But then I awake
Reality hits harder than I anticipate
And I wish you knew how much you meant to me
But instead I bottle it up inside
Wait until its late at night
Press my head into my knees and cry
My bedroom walls have seen the paragraphs
Of emotion I never seem to show
And I erase all the thoughts
Because why would you want me now?
It's all my fault I lost you
So why would you take me back?
I got afraid of love
Didn't want you to leave
Became so obsessed with you staying
That I pushed you away myself
Oh how I hate the way I sabotage myself
I really had a good thing
This happens all the time
And now you'll move on and be happy without me
I wish I could tell you
How much I want you near
And not as a friend
As something close to my heart, near and dear
Of course, could you understand?
I could never be the perfect christian
I make so many mistakes
All I want is you to want me
Even as a train wreck
I would give my life for you
I would marry you if I could
Your the only person I truly want
But I never seem to find the words
I know you like your ancestry roots
And your noodles cut before served
That you could never sit down and read a book
Because you always have something to do
I know that you like music
And you sent me a tune or two
I even performed one of our songs
But I cry to it too
I know your family is your passion
You'd do anything for them
And the abuse you had before
Is drilled into your head
I know you struggle to be satisfied
With all the weight and pressure you carry
And you want people to be there for you
But you can never let them stay
You became a broken boy
And I cared for you while your heart gave
I kiss you on your forehead
As you enter your mental coma
I whisper "I love you"
But you never knew