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We grieve
We grieve hopelessly, sputtering breathes hitching in our throats
Questions for the universe and the heavens above formed on our lips
Try to outline our pain into a person
Try to conserve her in photographs and shirts and memories and words
But words will always be futile devices
How will we ever recover?
How can we ever move on?
Songs of lament escaping our diaphragm, our upturned faces pleading the sky for comfort
It is silent in spite of us
We grieve hopefully, memories whispered in the dark of the evening
Hands involuntarily reaching and grasping each other for comfort, for connection
“She is still here” we tell ourselves, rivers of clear, warm pain escaping our eyes, decorating our cheeks
because to remember is to hurt, and yet she is worth the voluntary heartbreak
In our grief she is closer than ever
Or so we say
As her smell fades from bedsheets and pillowcases, and the details of memories we swore
We would never forget are now fading into blur and our own fabrication
We forget what her voice sounds like for just a second
We grieve hopelessly
pressing our hands against our hearts in futile attempts to stop the bleeding
We ask ourselves again how we will ever recover
How we will ever move on
Ask ourselves if we even want to,
leave the question hanging in the heavy empty air
We rush at the barricades of time, try to pry through dimensions
Turn back time, words, places
tear and plaster the world into a place where there was not this infernal absence
Where our hearts were not paper macho, shredding with the elements
And the worst part is the hopelessness
All encompassing, loud, static moving silence
The empty stretching hands we possess
Reaching towards nothing, towards the heavens, towards the cross, towards old dusty pictures
We will try it all and then not try at all
try not to keel over when the waves of weight hit your midsection
Grief, a physical reaction
We grieve
Loudly and then quietly
Its strange
To grieve equal parts hope and hopelessness
We will go to bed crying
And wake up just as the sun remembers the world it left for the night
And for a second we forget she is gone
until.
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This is about a recent loss.