trying to say goodbye

it’s harder than i thought.
to wake up each morning with a smile on my face,

listening to our orchestras without you around,
speaking to someone who isn’t here.

I don’t know if you’ll be listening in.
but I hope you are.

what is it like? going from “is” to “was”.
watching the sun finally set, was it all darkness?
or are there stars up there?

don’t think I will forget you.
you were my best years—
a day doesn’t go by without you inside.

I wish those days with you here had been longer.
a hundred years wouldn’t have been enough time.

you didn’t get to say it.
fate said it for you.
it’s my turn, and I don’t know if I’m ready.

our orchestras are fading.
maybe it doesn’t matter that I’m not ready.
I’ll say the word you never got to—for both of us.

goodbye.