I’m sorry

I love you.

I’m sorry,

I love you.

I love you,

I’m sorry.

The same five words,

Three different meanings,

All of which I can’t properly say.

Words can’t demonstrate

How much 

I love you.

How much

It hurts.

And how much

I regret it.

I’m making it harder,

But I don’t want to let go,

So,

I’m sorry

I love you.

You came into my life

And I saw you as a comrade

To help me fight

The battle I’ve been fighting

For years.

You were a shining star

In the empty void of space.

You were the smile

In a million angry voices.

You were a friend

When I needed one most.

You made me laugh,

When I felt 

Like I could 

Never smile again

I said the words 

“I love you”

And they never meant anything more.

But when you said them back,

It was like a million stars

Exploded in my heart.

It was so warm,

So safe.

So happy,

So beautiful.

I was filled with cotton candy,

With peppermints,

With sweet chocolate,

With sugar.

Your smile

Could light up the darkest night.

Your laugh

Could drown out a thousand sorrows.

Your eyes,

Like dark pools of obsidian,

Held a world I had never seen,

And was desperate to explore.

When you held my hand,

The world disappeared.

It was only you and me,

With our hands intertwined.

Your friends were fools,

But I would bear them

If it meant

I could sit with you.

The world said no.

Too young,

Too innocent,

Too soon.

Puppy love,

They said.

It would be bright and fast,

But fizzle out,

Like sparklers, 

On the fourth of July.

Discarded for something

Brighter,

Better,

Beautiful.

They said no,

I said yes.

I guess you didn’t think the same.

My heart said forever,

My mouth spoke kind words.

My eyes were filled with love,

And my hand in yours.

It would have never worked,

And I know that now.

But I still want to dream,

To pretend

That what we had

Was my forever.

Pretend that you were my always

You were my lover,

My only one,

My other half.

Pretend that you were 

Completing my soul,

As it traveled through 

The vast emptiness,

Of space, 

Of the world,

Of life.

I was

Confused,

Searching,

But never lost.

You were a beacon,

A lighthouse, 

A flare.

You were always there,

Always steady,

Always strong.

It was perfect.

I believed it would be

Forever. 

I was wrong.