Your Girlfriend (Is Anorexic) | Teen Ink

Your Girlfriend (Is Anorexic)

March 9, 2009
By Kaitlyn Gartner PLATINUM, New Hope, Minnesota
Kaitlyn Gartner PLATINUM, New Hope, Minnesota
21 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Your girlfriend is anorexic
The one person in the world you love the most
Is trying to kill herself by starvation
She promised you nothing bad would ever happen
And the world keeps spinning
Spinning like the hair on her head
When she twirled in the sand at the beach
When she looked good in a swimsuit
Not like a skeleton
Not bones
Not death
She promised you it would be okay
And then she stopped coming over
She called you as often as she could
But told you that she was never feeling well
That she was too busy
Next time she'd say
Then we'll see each other again
And then one day she didn't call
Two days
Three
A call from her mother
And your girlfriend who you love so much
Who you loved more than anything else
Who you will always love
Is in the ICU
Dying
And nobody told you right away
Because they didn't know the words to say
You didn't know
They knew
But they didn't know why
And when your sister sees your face
She gasps
Because she says it looked like you'd seen death
And you had
You'd looked your girlfriend in the eyes in the ICU
And seen death gaze back
But you're back in the present now
And your sister wants to know why you're shaking
But the words have forsaken you
So help arrives
Your mother
She takes your shaking hands
Wants to know what's wrong
What happened
Why
Everybody always wants to know why
And all you can get out
Is that your girlfriend is sick
And you're off to the races
Surrounded by an unwelcome audience
Your sister your mother your brother your best-friend
Her mother her brother her best-friend
The world wants to know why
She loved you more than anyone else
She's not talking
She's too busy dying
You're not talking
You're not talking
And they all want to know why
One minute your planning your future with her
The next minute your planning your future
But in all honesty that's impossible
Because without her you have no future
And she has to know this
You shut your eyes to the staring faces
Brush off the empty hands
You walk as you cry
And she is there right where they said she'd be
Sleeping and tangled in tubes
You hadn't seen her in a month
But you didn't realize it until you see her now
that a month is a month too long
Too late
And maybe it's the white white walls
Or maybe it's the white white sheets
Maybe it's the whites of her eyes
That no one can see
But she looks more than sick
Your girlfriend doesn't look anorexic
Your girlfriend looks dead
And there is no remedy for the shaking
And you sit there and shake and cry
And you've no where to walk to
They catch up with you
The ones who want to know why
The ones with the staring faces empty hands
You shake and cry until they go away
They've seen enough
And when they are gone she opens her eyes
The whites of her eyes
Look too bright against her white white skin
Pale pale white white
Sick color of death in disguise
Your girlfriend is anorexic
Her eyes are upon you and yet you shake
Yet you cry
And the glass covering her eyes shatters
She cries and cries and cries
It breaks your heart
You tell her she has nothing to be sorry for
That it's not her fault
Then who's fault is it
Who knows
Who cares
Why
Why
Why
Goodbye
But you stay with her
You hold her cold cold white white hands
The two of you shiver
And ignore the unwelcome audience
With the staring faces and empty hands
The two of you have no room for empty hands
The only hands for you are hers
And the only hands for her are yours
And there is no room for anymore hands
Your girlfriend is anorexic
The one person in the world you love the most
And you give her all your love
There is no more love she from you she has it all
No room for anything that isn't love
And the disease is gone
Because disease isn't love
And you hold her hands
Feel them get warmer warmer
Still white still cold
But not as much
Not as much
And there is color
Color in her eyes color in her skin
Color in her hair color in her of her
Death doesn't have a color
So she is not dead
And when the wary audience asks why
For the millionth billionth trillionth time
The two of you will just shrug
Because there is no room for anyone else
Nothing else save you and her
You save her
Saved her
Saving her
And someday when you cannot remember
What her room number was
Or how many hours you watched her sleeping
When you can't remember her nurses' names
When you cannot recall the time of the call
From her mother that sent you to her
When you cannot remember the name
Of the wing of the ward of the unit
Where she recovered
The roommate who watched you hold her
Hold her hand
And take away the sickness
Witness to it all
Someday you will forget it all
And it won't be there anymore
But it will be there still
Always there
But not there anymore
Because you took it all away
And when you're there it is gone
And you'll always be there so no worries
And they stopped asking why
It didn't matter she was better
No tangled tubes
No white white pale pale skin
No cold cold hands
Just cold hands
Then warm hands
Always your hands
Four hands
Forever
Together
Your girlfriend is anorexic
No
My girlfriend was anorexic
That was yesterday
Today she is my girlfriend
Not anorexic
Your girlfriend
Your girlfriend



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This article has 3 comments.


Taylor(: said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 9:48 pm
Wow. Amazing.

on Sep. 5 2010 at 2:28 am
mhmmalright BRONZE, Fresno, California
4 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are cray

Amazing* Sorry

on Sep. 5 2010 at 2:28 am
mhmmalright BRONZE, Fresno, California
4 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are cray

Love this to death. Love your style of writing and how explaining the death in an anorexics eyes. Amazinf.