Some people ask me what I see when I fall asleep. They ask me who haunts my dreams and why my dreams are haunted. They want to know why I act the way I do when I awaken.

I see a man who claims to love me, but when he touches me all I can feel is death creeping up my arms and legs in dark wisps. And more than anything, I dread the moment the wisps  reach my heart because I know it will stop. He’s so angry and its suffocating, but I love him I don’t want him to be angry.  I just want him to be happy. What if his happiness kills me? I just need to see his smile. What if he only wants to smile at my death? In my waking moments the thought passing my mind is why. If this man loves me so much, then why does he want me to die? Why, when my love only wishes him life?

Some people ask me what I see when I fall asleep. I see Him. Not God, but Him. Not the Devil, but Him. I see Him, and I love Him. What if his love kills me? Maybe I am too afraid.