There's a Demon Outside My Window | Teen Ink

There's a Demon Outside My Window

April 9, 2014
By TheLorax BRONZE, Parkland, Florida
TheLorax BRONZE, Parkland, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The first draft of everything is s***&quot;<br /> -Ernest Hemingway


There’s a demon outside my window,
I want to let him in.
I know that if I do I lose,
But I forgot why I want to win.

The demon’s still outside my window,
Knocking, not very loud.
He smiles at me with a vicious grin,
And doesn’t make a sound.

There’s a demon opening up my window,
I think he belongs to me.
He sees me for who I am,
Not who I want to be.

My demon’s coming through the window,
I think it was unlocked.
He obviously belongs to me,
Or else he would have knocked.

He tells me now, with pushing words,
That it’s easy to take the leap.
He knows the thoughts inside my head,
The secrets that I keep.

There’s a demon in my bedroom,
He’s getting closer now.
He tells me to come with him,
And I only wish that I knew how.

My demon kneels beside me,
As if saying a prayer.
He shows me eyes that look like mine,
Full of desolation and despair.

I take the demon’s hand now,
Finding courage I used to lack.
I’m running with my demon now,
And never coming back.


The author's comments:
This was inspired by the demons I see everyday.

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This article has 9 comments.


on Apr. 24 2014 at 10:04 pm
ofthesouthernisles, Parkland, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Pretty good

on Apr. 24 2014 at 7:40 pm
Nella.Girl97 BRONZE, Ashland, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 437 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.&quot;

This was perfectly penned! Love the imagery!

on Apr. 24 2014 at 7:28 pm
Crystallite BRONZE, Santa Elena, Other
2 articles 2 photos 347 comments
wow i realy liked this. ur use of words actually had me picturing what was hapening

Lucifer666 said...
on Apr. 22 2014 at 8:50 pm
Lucifer666, Hell, Other
0 articles 0 photos 63 comments
Haha. Sorry for leaving a "novel" on this. I leave lengthy comments to fulkky analyze both the piece and my thoughts reflecting it. Again great read, and excuse the atrocities caused by my misspellings. ب_ب

Lucifer666 said...
on Apr. 22 2014 at 8:45 pm
Lucifer666, Hell, Other
0 articles 0 photos 63 comments
Your title, is drawing. And not because of my username haha, but because it seemed a shame to ignore something that is promising. Thought provoking, extremely thought provoking. "The demon's still outside my window, Knocking not very loud. He smiles at me with q vicious grin, And doesn't make a sound" when I read this line, I thought of it in a figurative way. For exampke, the window, would be representing a person's mindset. The demon, everyone faces is themselves, and  ones innerself persuades to corruption, and later mentioned in the poem desolation. Something that feels so right, can be gained from doing something completely wrong. The rhythm of the poem is nicely done, and the pioem its self is impeccable. Powerful throughout, aidded by your creative is what adds the eccentric uniqueness to this poem, making it all the more well done. The authors not, is short and simoke, yet simplicity, is complexity at its finest. Thus is what actuallt made me start thinkinh throughout the poem, because everyone sees demons. Everyone fight demons, some win, but somre also lose, and you convey an idea of this in the first four lines, "There's a demon outside my window, I want to let him in, I know that if I do I lose, But I forgot why I want to win" brilliantly worded, as this signifies the narrators wilk to resist such salacity of corruption (any sort) has begun to eescend into a dream, and in there end the narrator gives in, as foretold. As the poem goes on, the demon is being invited. All will to resist fades as aforementioned. and the narrator looks into the demons eyes, finding him or herself. "...He shows me eyes that look like mine, Full of desolation and despair" my favorite line throughout the whole piece. Short, and yet overpowering, opening the readers mine to possibilities. Well done, this is by far the most thought provoking pooem Ive read so far. Extremely well penned. As for suggestions, i don't see anything other than punctiant, a few places the punctuation felt odd or it needed to be rearranged. Nevertheless, i enjoyed this, and i hope you write a piece that surpasses this both in quality, and creativity as you have demonstrated great talent and even greater potential. 

on Apr. 22 2014 at 8:30 pm
TheLorax BRONZE, Parkland, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The first draft of everything is s***&quot;<br /> -Ernest Hemingway

thank you i really appreciated hearing your feedback

on Apr. 22 2014 at 8:26 pm
themajesticpoet BRONZE, Bloomington, Other
1 article 0 photos 14 comments
This poem can be quite confusing.  You go from "a demon" to "the demon" to "my demon" making the reader think you mean more than one.... Its quite amazing to read a poem-story such as this because the reader would need to analyze every inch of the wording, but not only that; the reader would need to analyze his/herself.  It seems as if in this world we all have demons.  We look in the mirror and see one, outside our window, inside our bedrooms.. There is always a demon.  This poem is brightly colored to show us that these things do exist.  Also, the rhythm was well, there weren't any grammatical errors, so that's always a plus.  But I myself, as a reader, I see the demons as inner and outer battles which make life a swirling vortex of confusion.  And this poem showed the depths of what is real in everyday reality...... I hope to see more of your writing soon!! Thank you!

Sail_ BRONZE said...
on Apr. 22 2014 at 7:18 pm
Sail_ BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
3 articles 10 photos 196 comments
Wow, I loved this! It was really great. Your words flow freely and nicely. I'll check out more of your work. Keep it up! You have a real talent! ^_^

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Apr. 22 2014 at 10:35 am
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

Woah great use of metaphors, and this is very creative. The poem has a very deep meaning I can definitely relate to. Nice work