Dear Prospective Student,

Do you ever get the feeling that modern technology is so irritating? That technology like air conditioners are just so dreadful, especially when it’s ninety degrees out? Well if you do, you should go visit my high school! My school has such a lack of cool air that it makes you sweat like a pig! However, that’s not a bad thing because as you all know: sweat is the new perfume at Ramapo! No more cool breezes on a hot day. You’ll never get to experience the feeling of relief accompanied with walking through a school with air conditioning. No more being able to wear your hair down! No, you get the sweet luxury of having to wear your hair up, and the best part about it is you don’t even have to bring your fall clothes out. All that money you spent on sweaters and jeans at the mall gets to go to waste since wearing them isn’t an option!

Another reason why you should enroll are the gym classes. In the gym, we continue our policy of having no air conditioning. The coaches know you come for the lack of air conditioning, so they constantly will make you do workouts and exercises that more than double the amount of sweat you have! Maybe there’s that one day that you decide to take a risk and wear a sweater. Once you’re done with your gym period that day, you’re sweating so much that you’re almost incapable of putting your sweater back on! What’s better than that?

Our cafeteria is state of the art, and will ensure you a great experience. During your lunch period, cold refreshing drinks or snacks are almost never available because of the lines. Instead, you will be able to have hot meals that make you want to jump into an ice bath! So, no more sandwiches or iced tea at lunch. Unless you want to get dehydrated, you can drink hot tea and have pizza every single day. When I was a student, my experiences were great. I used to suffer from massive headaches that were usually triggered from heat. If I ever had to go to the nurse I got to wait in line for 20 minutes. because there were so many kids in front of me suffering from dehydration! At my school you can bring back old school in a way never thought of before! If any of the features mentioned interest you, enroll today!

In addition to all of the great features mentioned above, if you and one hundred other students enroll now, the class of 2019 will get an actual water fountain installed, free of charge! This state of the art water fountain will work fifteen percent of the time someone attempts to use it, and it will spurt out water so low that that person may have to touch their lips to get any water at all. So if you are feeling a little too hot one day and think that you might faint, just grab a drink of water. However, our school does have a ten-ten rule. The rule is where a student can only get a drink during a five minute window during their classes.

My school is fiercely competing with Indian Hills High School for the highest enrollment number. Indian Hills is not a smart choice for you to choose. They are so inconsiderate because they have air conditioning and fans! However, we care about your health and needs. Which is why we encourage sweat and heat.  You should enroll at today to ensure your happiness and health.

Thank you,
Principal Zerbo