When I look around at my peers all I see is bad decisions that they have made, and how I have never even considered making them. When I see 14-16 year olds on drugs my mind cannot comprehend why someone would do that to themselves, my addiction is video games, but I know when I am hurting myself and I know how to stop. Maybe it’s because of my past, both my older brothers made bad choices, my oldest brother did drugs, and my other one gave up on his dreams and still lives at home, doing nothing productive. So maybe I was uniquely influenced beforehand, and that’s all it is, I learned from the mistakes I didn’t make that they did.

But then there is another mistake that I just never could wrap my head around, falling in love. My best friend fell in love, he fell in love with a girl in our class whom he had limited association with and never really stood out much, and for whatever reason he came to me for help. I knew right away that it made no sense to me, the only thing I ever loved in my life is my dog, that is not to say I did not love my parents or even my terrible brothers, but this “I can’t live without ___ feeling” I only get with my dog, but even though I knew it did not really make any sense to me I understood right away that he did. So I told him what to do, I told him he should follow his heart, be confident, and not do anything stupid. So he asked her out and she agreed, now they are happily together but I can’t help but feel that his love has degraded our friendship, and his friendships in general. For some reason I feel inclined to help people with their love pursuits, despite how stupid I think it is, maybe I just can’t bring myself to crush their dreams of love, so time and time again I encourage them to love, to chase those they have aspirations to be with, even if I know it might cost me our friendship. I guess someone who doesn’t love makes a good neutral opinion on the matter.

It just doesn't make sense to me though, if you have a circle of friends whom you are able to be yourself with and enjoy yourself, why would you pursue love? It feels like another bad choice to make, a way to ruin your life in the long run. Congratulations you have a girlfriend who you spend most of your time with because you “love” her, whatever that means. But you are spending most of your time with her, which means you spend no time with your friends, why trade one person for many, is this term “love” that powerful? According to Google love is “an intense feeling of deep affection” but how did you get this deep affection to someone you barely knew, or even someone you really knew, do you just wake up one day and say you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and why would you? If you have a group of friends who you like equally can you one day wake up and decide “this one is my favorite now, the rest of you go away” it sounds silly to me.
Maybe I am just too cynical, I just haven’t been bitten by the love bug yet, one day i'll get it. I don’t think that’s the case though I don’t understand most things people enjoy outside of my bubble, Video games make sense to me, interactive competition where you constantly improve, Tv makes sense to me, watching stories develop and grow into something you can call yours. But even in Tv and Games I don’t tend to get attached to characters unless I am confident they aren’t going to die, why get invested in someone that doesn’t make it to the climax of the story?

The idea of love somewhat makes sense to me if you and someone share a lot of interests and hobbies, it's kind of like a permanent buddy you can rely on to do your hobby with, maybe co-op in a game, maybe you have a stamp collection and you work together to put them in a book, I honestly don’t know but that idea makes sense to me. But when you have nothing in common it feels to me that people are just reciting the old brainwashed mantra “opposites attract” that’s nonsensical, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t share interests with, opinions I could understand having differences, but at its core shouldn't the lovebirds have something in common? And it never seems like they do, it just looks like they suddenly decided to hook up for the sake of hooking up.

I don’t think love will ever be something I bother myself with, the same way I don’t think I will ever like alcohol “acquired taste” is just another way of saying force yourself until it’s all numb. Maybe I am a Sociopath and I just don’t know it, it would be a simple way of explaining my difference, why it doesn’t make sense to me, but to me it simply feels like I wiped the fog away from the mirror, and everyone else just says “It’s supposed to be foggy, that’s how it always was”.