After reading about one observational study on twenty-first century relationships, millennials are asking: What did I do to deserve being born into a time when finding a genuine connection with someone is more agonizing than decades of schooling to keep me from dumpster diving for food? Unfortunately, even experts do not have an answer to the pressing matter, only commenting that “It’s definitely a below average experience.” Other researchers are also expressing their bewilderment for the low relationship rates among Tinder matches, even after exchanging Snapchats. One expert even mentions how he thought the new infinite picture and video upgrade would boost connection rates. Rather, it decreased motivation for genuine effort, reducing quality conversations to meaningless pictures and videos of people live-streaming entire concerts or doing dumb, pointless shit like standing on a wooden crate in the middle of the hallway. 

Dating in the twenty-first century shouldn’t be this hard considering the multitude of platforms connecting you to the seven billion other people is a fingerprint scan away. To some extent, platforms like Tinder breed the concept of casual dating and “hook-up” culture, but sometimes it feels like more than people misusing the platform. I guess more people are just assholes these days. Sigh. If only dating was structured to be more like a job interview. You could collect all the information that you needed to know about the person and their intentions (maybe even do a background check) before you even have to deal with their messy desks and coffee-stained chairs. 

Imagine how efficient it would be if everyone could just fast-forward through the weeks (or months) of talking and “what are we” conversation (yikes, especially that conversation). Think about it. The process would expedite your life a hundredfold. For instance, say you receive a request for an interview (instead of a date) with someone named Jamie. He (or she) seems decent enough on paper so you agree. You set it up and the interview might go something like this: 

“Hi, nice to meet you Jamie. Come in and have a seat. Tell me a little bit about yourself, maybe some of your hobbies, and your intentions for this relationship.”

“Oh. Um, hi,” he (or she) sheepishly starts. “As you already know, I’m Jamie. Uh, I go to Arbitrary University in Arbitrary, New Mexico. I know I said I was a collector of sorts on my application, but to be honest I’m an avid coin collector.”

“Oh um…”

“But I’m also the lead guitarist for my alt-indie pop funk band The Sleepy Hellos.” 

“Okay…uh, listen Jamie—” you attempt.

Seeing how uncomfortable you’re getting, he (or she) continues, “I’m really just looking for someone who’ll come to my coin conventions and to share my life story with.”

“Hmm. I see,” you reply. “Unfortunately, you’re not who I’m looking for right now… Or really any time. Sorry, NEXT!” 

Then you’d skim through other applicants and set up an interview with the next best candidate. You might have to do that a handful of times and come across some bad candidates, but who knows, maybe that next person is the lucky one.

You might even question: what if someone catfishes me? Hey, sure you might come across some of those people, but honestly, it’s better than playing games with someone for a month only to have them ghost you. Or even worse, you find out the person is actually uber dull so you end up ghosting them. Save yourself the trouble and advertise yourself on platforms where idiots (like Jamie) won’t find it, like in a book or Harvard’s homepage. Oh! Maybe even put a flyer in your medical history chart at your next doctor’s appointment so some doctor will find it. There are options. You have options. 

The one not-so-shitty part about dating in this era is the ability to come up with creative ways to dodge creeps and idiots. From cat-callers on the streets to jackasses on social media, millennials and generation Z kids sure know how to retaliate with some ruthless comebacks… but that’s beside the point. The point is everyone is stuck in a perpetual cycle of terrible relationships because of our inability to communicate. Placing two people to sit and talk in an interview setting will force both parties to be more open and honest with who they are and their intentions. I mean, what other way can make two people nervous but honest like a job interview can?