January 19th, 2009


JERUSALEM, ISRAEL— After years of heavy anticipation, and much stress and anxiety, the strained relationship between the Arabs and the Israelis finally reached a breaking point yesterday. Around midday, Israel launched four nuclear missiles at Iran, triggering a massive scramble to the bomb shelters all over both countries. In a move that is sure to ruin Barack Obama’s inauguration tomorrow as the 44th President of the United States, Israel preempted any possible strike from Iran by initiating a massive offensive onslaught, all but assuring the start of World War III…

October 7th, 2008


Mark my words: If Barack Obama is elected to succeed George W. Bush as our 44th President, that will be the article you will be reading this coming January.

The time has come and gone for Americans to worry about silly things, to worry about which celebrity is breaking up with whom, to worry about McDonald’s frying their food in pig fat, and to worry about Curt Schilling’s still bloody right ankle. Right now, humanity is facing the biggest threat to our civilization in sixty-five years. Not since Adolf Hitler was addressing Nazi crowds has our existence been as threatened as it is today.

Picture for a moment, if you will, 1939. Hitler, one of the greatest orators in history (because of which Obama is garnering comparisons), has millions of troops—adults and children—at his disposal, ready to murder every Jew, homosexual, gypsy, and disabled person on the face of the planet. Now imagine if Hitler’d had a nuclear arsenal at his disposal. He would probably have used it to its full advantage, and we never would have been born. This planet would not be here right now. Hitler would have made sure of that.

Now fast forward to 2008. Mahmud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, is within reach of nuclear weapons. He has repeatedly stated the necessity for Israel, one of America’s greatest allies, to be “wiped off the map.” He has said that he denies that the Holocaust, the murdering of six million Jews, ever happened.
And Obama wants to sit down and talk to him.
No conditions. Nothing to indicate that anything will come out of the meeting other than higher-fueled animosity. Obama would just sit down and try to convince Ahmadinejad to try to abandon his nuclear weapons program.

Well, then. It’s good that Barack’s taking that initiative. I’m glad he’s a good motivational speaker.


I mean, get serious, people. This man is willing to negotiate with a crazy person. He’s willing to sit in a room, alone, with one of the most dangerous men on the planet, and calmly discuss military tactics and settlements.


Am I saying that John McCain is infinitely better? Absolutely not. This election is definitely a choice of the lesser of two evils. But when asked how he would deal with a refusal by Iran to abandon their nuclear program, McCain responded that he would not hesitate to use military force to bring Iran to a halt. Obama’s solution?


“If Iran abandons its nuclear program and support for terrorism, we will offer incentives like membership in the World Trade Organization, economic investments, and a move toward normal diplomatic relations,” says Obama’s official website.


Ahmadinejad is not likely to be swayed by money.


If Barack Obama is elected President of the United States, one of two things will happen. One, Israel could become apprehensive of his becoming President and fire a preemptive strike against Iran, knowing that Obama will not do anything to help them, and will do much to hurt them. Two, Obama’s lack of experience in a position of power could be a serious downfall to him when he is asked to make a decision that will change the course of history. Obama will freeze at crunch time, and we will all suffer. Maybe we will all die. Probably.

Adolf Hitler was known for being an outstanding speaker. He was the reason that eleven million people died in the Holocaust.
John F. Kennedy was renowned for being a tremendous orator. He nearly instigated World War III during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. Clearly, being a great speaker isn’t everything. But yet it seems to be enough to hypnotize the American people into believing that Obama is the answer. If Kennedy and Hitler, two great speakers, came so close to catastrophe, who is to say that Obama won’t finally meet disaster?

Nobody.

It was Albert Einstein who said, "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”

If elected, Barack Obama will find out exactly what weapons World War III will be fought with. Because, if elected, Barack Obama will bring an end to civilization as we know it.