English essayist William Hazlitt wrote, “The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.” In my experience, you can’t master deep conversation, because each conversation is different. You can use the same skills, but not everything will be the exact same. Deep conversations are different from normal conversations, because they reveal something new. During the pandemic, it’s been harder to have deep conversations for me because there is so much repetition. Everything I do has been the same or similar, so there is barely anything new or interesting that is directly affecting me. During the pandemic, because we are socially distant and it is difficult to be vulnerable online, the depth of the conversation depends on how well we know the person.

People might avoid being vulnerable in conversation because they fear that that person will be cruel to them, especially in conversations online. Writing for HowStuffWorks.com, Laurie Dove says, “Experts...posit that people sometimes actually forget that they're speaking out loud when they post a snarky comment -- writing something from a smartphone almost seems like you're talking only to yourself.” When you are on your phone, and there is nobody around you, it seems like you are just saying something that nobody else will hear, so if you type something, you might forget that people will actually see it. In reality, there is proof that you said it, because even if you delete your comment, someone might have screenshotted it. That is also why you have to be careful of what you say online. Also, the person who made the original post might be hurt or embarrassed by your comment, so they will be less likely to post anything. Dove continues her point saying, “This lack of inhibition also may be connected to a physical distance from the people to whom comments are directed. Turns out, the closer physical proximity you have to someone, the less likely you are to be mean-spirited. For example, one recent study found game show contestants were less likely to vote off a contestant standing next to them than one standing further away.” People are cruel because they aren’t bothered by the consequences of their cruelty. If people were in the same room when it happened, they might be less likely to be cruel, almost like they wouldn’t want the other person to physically hurt them afterward. Online, if you are cruel, you don’t see the effect it has on the other person, so it seems like nothing happened at all. 

People can have deep discussions in a virtual space but the depth of text and/or direct messages depends on whether you know the person in real life. A study at the University of California Irvine found that, “On the plus side, online contact enhances companionship between friends via conversations that can continue throughout the day and night without disrupting others, and it also allows more time to control emotions and calm down before crafting and sending a response to something upsetting.” Conversations can be much longer if they are had via text. Unlike face-to-face conversations, you don’t have to reply right away. You can take your time to think about what the other person said, and then reply to it. In face-to-face conversations, it feels more rushed, and you might talk without thinking. I don’t chat that much with people who aren’t good friends in real life. For example, if I am talking with someone at school, and then school ends, we can continue the conversation online later when we get to our houses. I also don’t chat much with people I haven’t met in real life, because I don’t know them as well and don’t know what to talk about. 

During the pandemic, people might be less likely to have deep conversations with other people. For me, my daily routine is predictable. I do the same things every day, like going online for class and playing video games. Since there is nothing new, there isn’t much to talk about. There is a lot happening outside in the world, but there’s nothing super interesting to talk about if you aren’t talking about Covid or vaccines. Under normal circumstances, most conversations start with comments about other people around you, but because we aren’t around as many people, there isn’t as much to talk about. People who enjoyed face-to-face conversation are lonely. Loneliness can lead to depression and depressed people are less likely to reach out to others. The National Institute for Mental Health defines depression as “a common but serious mood disorder that negatively affects how you feel, think, and handle daily activities such as sleeping, eating, and working. Symptoms include a persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood, irritability, and feelings of guilt and pessimism.” The pandemic combined with depression makes it harder to communicate. First, we are physically cut off from other people, and then our emotions can also inhibit our impulse to share.

If conversation is a form of art, the pandemic is like a lack of art supplies. You can still make art, but it is more difficult. Deep conversations are even more difficult because there isn’t as much new stuff to talk about, and that is what makes a conversation a deep conversation. Young people talk about what is happening when we are together, but because of the pandemic, we aren’t with other people as much. If people can’t have deep discussions in person, they have them online, but some people don’t want to because they are afraid that the person they are chatting with might make fun of them, or not care. If you know the person in real life, you are more likely to have a deep discussion with them because it is easier to predict their reaction. The pandemic has made communication more difficult, but it won’t last forever. At some point, we will go back to being able to gather in groups indoors, and things will happen between us that we will need to talk about.