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psyche
Summary:
the story revolves around a boy who discovers he and his siblings are Keepers of the Mind,people who created life in the beginning of time. but a very mystyrious dream has found its way into him. will this become true? is this the future? read more to find out.
dusty8ball
psyche
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This book has 10 comments.
Okay, I have a bit of criticism.
1. You need to paragraph more often. This is a style thing, but it really makes it easier to read. You might also want to vary your sentence length a bit more, so it doesn’t read like a Ford Model T trying to start on a cold morning. Short sentences have greater impact when they are in the midst of longer sentences.
2. Okay, you might want to tone down the description. It seems like you’re telling the reader things that aren’t really relevant yet. Readers don’t need to know every single thing about your main character’s life.
3. Try reading your dialogue aloud. It doesn’t really sound like how real people speak (although it’s better than a lot of the dialogue on here). Try writing dialogue the way you or people around you speak. It makes it seem more realistic.
4. When you have an ellipsis, you only need three periods. People will get the point and adding more periods looks unprofessional.
5. Work on your grammar, please. Most of it is fine, but you need to learn how to differentiate between you’re and your as well as some other things.
6. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…………………………………….” You really don’t need that ‘no’ to be so long. Readers will get the idea if you have just a few o’s and only three periods.
7. You also might want to cut down on the profanity. It’s more effective when used sparingly, rather than casually. Too much profanity may also offend some of your readers, which is never good.
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Favorite Quote:
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream." --Mark Twain "Being tactful is saying someone is open-minded when they have a hole in their head."by???