“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle;” Albert Einstein is considered to be a genius, perhaps one of the smartest men to ever walk upon the surface of our home. Every day I think about this quote and about how it matches humanity and their way of thinking. Optimism and pessimism; two sides of the same coin. Each time I say this, I would wonder to myself, “Which way did I choose to live? Just what exactly led me here, and was it the right choice to make? Was it all…worth it”

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since we left home. The faces of friends and family left behind, blurred. The name of the girl I loved is blank. Old dreams of four children left to turn to dust. The endless river of memories said to flow forever until the day my life ends has dried out; not even a drop remains. We have an older appearance and physically we became well built. We still look human; however, that could be brought to question if we were to run into someone of the same species. Our journey began with bright smiles, laughter, excitement for the adventure traveling throughout the stars and getting enhancements to help improve what we were already or can be capable of. The only thing I can remember clearly is how it all started, with our first interaction with them.

It was spring break, the last before we all went to college and would be separated by our different plans for our futures. Michael and I were on the verge of graduating. I was planning on going overseas to study and hopefully live abroad. Michael no longer cared about his education and figured he would get a degree then go on to live as a personal trainer and live with his girlfriend once she graduates and moves out of her parents’ house. Gray was taking a gap year for college so he could pay his tuition. He offered to let me move in with him in case I had to wait before moving overseas. It would allow me to live without relying entirely on my family, and it would help him since he would have someone watching what he spent his money on. Finally, there was Nelson. He dropped out of high school his freshman year and decided to focus on a future career in music. We encourage him to get a job, but he always comes up with an excuse on why he wouldn’t look for one.

Michael, Gray and I are considered to be white by Earth’s standards while Nelson has a hispanic heritage. He would occasionally joke about being the token friend of our group even though we had other members that aren’t white, in fact we were the only three white guys. Michael was 5’6” when he was 17 but claimed he was taller like most insecure people would. His hair was short and spiked up, he would get pissed if we even  raised our hand to touch it. He wore shirts that seemed like they were pricey and would show his current build, designer shoes, chains, watches, rings, and pants that were slightly on the skinny side. He talks big about himself which I can’t help but find ironic.

Nelson was 5’7” and lavished in the fact that he had a single in over Michael. His hair was like a black curly bush and he had a tendency to listen to rap from the early 90’s to around 2008. He wore oversized shirts with the faces of rappers he liked, a bandana as well as baggy pants. Michael would usually use the phrase “you’re a walking stereotype” anytime the two would argue. Nelson also has a tendency to curse like he just stubbed his toe.

Gray, who was the more mature older brother figure of our group, was a resident of Tennessee. He doesn’t have a strong southern accent but you can hear it if you listen close enough. His hair was short and black and had a nice 5’10” stature. He was a fan of sci-fi movies and tv shows and would occasionally make references to quotes from games and movies. He just wore whatever felt right for the occasion and would always be the one to break up the arguments between the two gremlins.

I’ve known Nelson and Michael since we were in pre-school and met Gray online through Nelson a few years back. We bonded over our obsession with Star Wars and comic books. Nelson wasn’t really interested in either things because he saw them as lame while Michael did think they were cool but claims to have “grown out of that phase”. Despite our differences in interest we considered ourselves to have a strong connection and figured it would last a lifetime.

We spent the week visiting Gray in Pigeon Forge since it was only a five hour drive away. I drove the entire time since I couldn’t trust Michael or Nelson with my car even if it meant saving my life. The week was spent going around to different restaurants where they held live theater for entertainment, visiting museums, namely the Titanic Museum where we each bet on who could keep their hand in the ice cold water the longest. I had twenty bucks on the line so there was no way I was going to lose a total of eighty dollars. We even went to DollyWood where I found a dragon spine ring that wraps around my finger. It was only one size and too small for my ring finger so I wore it on my pinky.

Michael and Nelson decided that they wanted to get something sweet, so they rushed over to the closest shop in order to get a triple chocolate sundae cookie before it closed for the day. It looked as if the two of them were fighting as they ran across the park; thankfully they didn’t knock anybody over in the process. Gray went and chased after the two of them in order to reduce the possible damage the two of those idiots would cause. My phone started buzzing in my pocket so I took it out to see I was getting a call.

“Ezra! You coming or not?” Gray shouted.

“Yeah! I just have to answer this call!” I responded.

I looked at my phone and read the caller ID: Romeo

I answered the phone, “Hey kiddo! Hope I’m not calling too late,” it was 8:30 at night, “were you gettin’ ready for bed?”

“No. We’re still at the park. Mike and Nel are running to grab some ice cream and Gray is trying to catch them before something bad happens.”

“Ah, What time do you think you boys will be back at your friend’s house?”

“I think sometime around ten or so. We were probably gonna go around the town to see if anything peaks our interest. You and Steph doin alright?”

“The two of us are doin just fine. Make sure you boys stay out of trouble.”

I looked up to see Michael and Nelson trying to shove one another out of the way in order to get in the shop before the other had a chance to get in. It was quite the spectacle, yet it would embarrass most who were a part of their group. But I had grown used to it after many years of knowing those two. Gray, on the other hand, played the role of the older brother by trying to keep the two at bay and keeping them from causing damage that could only match that of a natural disaster. 

I put the phone back against my ear, “Won’t be a problem. I’ll see you two in a few days, g’night.” The phone call ended and I walked over to the shop.

I stepped past the two gremlins being held back by Gray and walked over to the counter and ordered the same desert that Michael and Nelson wanted. The look on their faces was priceless; it was as if I had just slapped the food they had been waiting all day for out of their hands. We left the park after we all had the chance to get a triple chocolate sundae scoop and went over to a plaza near Gray’s house. We found a shop for hot sauce and were interested in what was said to be the “world’s hottest hot sauce” and even had to sign a waiver in order to even try it. At first the tender only put a single drop on a corn chip but because we were stupidly confident, we requested two more. Since Gray was twenty-one at the time, we had an adult with us who acted as a guardian, so they put two more drops, making it a total of three. 

“On the count of three, we-” Gray didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Nelson put the entire chip in his mouth. The rest of us followed soon after and waited for the kick. We didn’t have to wait long as Michael’s face became red like a bull wrestler’s cape and Nelson’s eyes began to water as he said it wasn’t that hot. He didn’t fool anyone.

It took five seconds before Michael asked where he could go to cool off and left us. Gray was on the floor meditating to keep himself calm while Nelson was pacing around the store. I was simply breathing slowly. If I breathed through my nose, my throat would burn and my mouth would feel hotter, so I just kept breathing through my mouth. We spent fifteen minutes there, Nelson only stayed because he didn’t want to wander off alone. I asked where the fastest way to the ice cream shop was and the tender pointed us in the direction. As we were walking, we realized that he sent us the longer path towards the plaza’s center. 

When we eventually reached the store, the line led all the way around the corner and to the end of the plaza. Michael was in the middle and looked like he was on some kind of drug. He was the only pale white boy with a red face and watery eyes who looked like he had run a marathon and was gasping for air. We made sure he could see us laugh. 

By the time he reached the door, I decided to wait in line with him because I figured it would be funny.

“No.”

“What?” I asked.

“Go to the back,” he demanded.

“I’m not here to get any ice cream. I just figured you felt lonely since you spent twenty minutes alone in this line.”

“I’m not letting you get in front of me.”

“Okay, I’m not trying to get in front of you. I’m simply just waiting in line with you.”

He held a skeptical look while I stood next to him.

“You guys tried that hot sauce right?” one of the workers asked.

“Yeah,” Michael responded.

“Gotcha. We get people like you every now and then. I’ll get you guys a scoop so you can eat while you wait. What’ll you have?”

As Michael was about to speak, “One scoop of vanilla ice cream,” I said.

I looked at Michael and he looked pissed. It was like I had just stepped on his toe when it was broken. 

“And for you?” the worker asked Michael as he handed me my ice cream. 

“Three scoops of cookies and cream.”

“Three?” I asked.

“Is that a problem?”

“No, it's just,” I looked down at him and his grand 5’6” stature. He always ordered large portions of food only to eat less than half, “You just don’t eat a lot. You have a weak appetite.”

“Yeah well, I’m gonna eat this.”

He gets his bowl and I could tell that he would eat one scoop at best. We paid for our ice cream and walked out. I had already finished my scoop and felt a little better, though my face had pins and needles, making me very uncomfortable. Gray and Nelson had some of Michael’s ice cream he had reluctantly shared and they also felt more at ease. 

As expected, Michael finished a third of his bowl before saying he was full. I grabbed it from his hands and started eating the rest while sharing with the other two. I knew that if any of us mentioned it, Michael would complain about us talking about it for the rest of the week.

“Nel, do you plan on finding a job anytime soon? ‘Cause I’m getting tired of all the IOUs you keep on piling up.” Michael said.

“I’m not in the right mind space to look for one. I just can’t find any motivation to keep on looking and even if I get one, it just doesn’t make me feel happy or comfortable, you know?” Nelson replied.

“You’ve used that excuse ever since Ezra and I began our senior year. It’s starting to seem like you don’t even want a real job.”

“Hey! I’m serious about what I do! It just takes time for any music to become popular. I have faith.”

I chimed in, “It takes a lot more than just faith for you to become successful. So far your music sounds like any other with how you talk about being depressed all the time and how you’re fighting your demons. It’s just so…basic. You even try to make it sound old school but your voice doesn’t even match any of the beats you use.” I wasn’t trying to belittle him or get him to quit. I was being honest with what I thought about his music. He would use old nineties style beats that meant to seem like they were futuristic but his voice was just so high pitched for it to be taken seriously as if he were a freshman just starting to go through puberty. 

“Well I don’t care what you think. I know that my music will get out there and people will see it for what it really is.”

“And what’s that?” Gray asked.

Nelson was silent. It was obvious that he was trying to come up with something but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“See? Plus didn’t you recently get an interview request with Panda Express?” Michael added.

“Yeah but I chose not to since I wasn’t feeling it anymore.”

“What do you mean ‘not feeling it anymore’? Do you have any idea how long I’ve been trying to get a job there? I had to apply four times before I even got a response! Yet you send in one application and immediately get a chance to get an interview but blow it off because you simply didn’t feel like working there anymore?” I said.

“Yeah,” he responded casually.

I felt like hitting something due to how aggravated I was. At the time Panda Express was paying nearly seventeen dollars an hour for part-time, but he just threw away that opportunity because he just didn’t feel like working there anymore. I mean it’s been so damn long but I still get irritated by his old behavior.

“Nelson,” Gray started, “Is that how you would act in any situation you’re in when you’re working? As in you would just quit as soon as you no longer feel like working there?”

“Yeah,” Nelson said, casually again.

I could tell that even Gray was getting annoyed by Nelson’s thought process.

“Even if you just started working there?”

“Yeah.”

It was at that moment I realized he was no different from when he was a kid. Nelson was always like this to a certain degree. The second he’d lose interest in something, he would simply just toss it aside as if it was nothing. He always thought that every choice he made was the right one. He even dropped out of school after his first day on a whim because he started halfway through the school year claiming “it was all bullshit”. He even told us that one of his teachers that he spoke to agreed with him after telling us a story that made him seem like the hero in the situation would do and say. He said that he went on a rant in the middle of class and even got some of the students to agree. While Nelson was definitely not scared to share his opinion with others and usually speaks his mind, his obvious social anxiety was enough to make me disregard any belief I had in his tall-tale.

The three of us tried to talk Nelson into making more rational decisions when it comes to working and so many other aspects of his life he had taken lightly, but he’d just brush them aside like we were just trying to hold him back. Less and less cars passed by as we walked and the sidewalks became more empty. The clock was just about to reach 10:30 at night before I suddenly began to feel dizzy. I look at the others and notice them holding their heads while trying to balance themselves. None of us, including Gray who was of legal drinking age, had any alcohol that night. I started to wonder if it was because of the hot sauce but then took into consideration the amount of time that had passed since we ate it. 

I didn’t have a headache or any sort of pain, but I started to feel drowsy. The sound of something falling on the ground came from behind us.

Looking to my left I saw that Nelson had fallen to the ground, out cold.

“Nel,” I said. My voice sounded distorted and sloshed.

Two more hard thuds suddenly sounded.

To my right, both Michael and Gray had also collapsed.

“Guys?”

I finally noticed I was on my knees. The world felt as if it was violently spinning round and round and round and round as if I were in a nightmarish loop.

A bright light blinded my vision. A car? No. This came from above. A flashlight maybe?

“What the-”

The world went black.