MEAN, COLD, AND SORROW. THE THREE THINGS I THOUGHT COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL. HOW COULD THEY BE SO MEAN. BEING KIND IS A SIMPLE TASK. WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK FULL OF ANGER, HEARING ALL THE LAUGHTER OF ALL OF THEM. WHY, WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT DO ME. MAKE FUN OF WHAT I AM. MAKING FUN OF SOMEONE OF SIZE. I PUT MY AIRPODS IN AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC. I COULD HEAR NOTES THAT CHANGE SO FAST AND SO QUICK. MY MUSIC MADE ME WONDER, HOW COULD I STAND UP TO THEM? . SHOULD I TELL SOMEONE? WHAT SHOULD I DO? I WALK FARTHER DOWN THE SIDEWALK AS I REACH MY HOME. HOME I THOUGHT, SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME WARM INSIDE. I GRABBED THE DOORKNOB THE COLD SENSATION GIVES ME CHILLS. I TWIST THE KNOB AND OPEN THE DOOR.WALKING IN I SEE MY  MOTHER. SHE’S RESPECTED, BUT IT SOMEONE OF SIZE. WHY AM I NOT? IS IT MY HAIR, UGH I THOUGH. I HATED MY HAIR. WAS IT WHAT I WORE? , BUT I WORE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DID. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND. “ HI JELLYBEAN” SAYS MOM. “DON’T  CALL ME THAT” I SAY WITH SNARK. “I'M WAY TOO BIG TO BE A BEAN” I SAY AFTER. “HONEY, WHAT WRONG” MOM ANSWERS. “ EVERYTHING, PEOPLE ARE SO MEAN TO ME” I SAY IN RETURN. “ STAND UP TO THEM” MOM SAYS. “ I CAN’T” I SCREAM . I RUN UP THE STAIRS CRYING. I DASH TO MY ROOM. I COULDN’T STAND UP TO THEM, I WOULDN'T AND I SHOULDN’T. I GRAB MY PHONE. “ I HAVE THE GREATEST AND BEST PHONE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. WHY DON'T I FIT IN” I THINK. I SIGH AND SAY “ IT'S MY SIZE”. I PUT IN THE PASSWORD, AND TEXT MY FRIEND.

JUNE:

12/17/23 

ME: HEY JUNNY

JUNE: HEY

ME: SORRY I CAN’T HANG OUT TODAY 

JUNE: WHAT WHY, WE WERE GOING TO GO TO STARBUCKS

ME: I KNOW, BUT I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE IT

JUNE: THAT’S NOT TRUE 

ME: YES IT IS

ME: I TOLD YOU I’M NOT HANGING OUT!!

JUNE: OK, CALM DOWN 

ME: SORRY 

JUNE: WE NEED TO HANG OUT SOON, NEXT WEEK IS CHRISTMAS 

ME: OK WE WILL

JUNE: WELL MY MOM CALLING ME BYE 

ME: BYE 

I PUT DOWN MY PHONE AND CRY. I SHOULDN’T BE FRIENDS WITH HER. SHE'S SO PRETTY AND I’M, I’M JUST ME. I KNOW I WON’T HANG OUT WITH HER BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I PUT MY AIRPODS IN AGAIN LISTENING TO TAYLOR SWIFT. I WENT TO HER CONCERT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, WHY DON’T I FIT IN. TAYLOR SWIFT REALLY IMPOWERS ME , AND MAKES ME THINK I SHOULD STAND UP TO THEM. MOM CALLS ME FOR DINNER. “ HONEY DINNER IS READY, COME DOWNSTAIRS” . I GO DOWN STAIRS. I SIT DOWN. “GO AHEAD AND EAT” MOM SAYS. “ NO I’M NOT HUNGRY” I SAY BACK. “ HONEY, COME ON, I MADE YOUR FAVORITE” MOM REPLIES. “ I DON’T CARE, I DON’T NEED IT” I SAY QUIETLY. “ WHAT DID YOU SAY” MOM SAYS. I START TO GET LOUDER SAYING “ I DON’T NEED IT” . WATER STARTS TO SPILL OUT MY EYES. MOM COMES TO COMFORT ME. “ HONEY, REALLY WHATS WRONG” MOM SAYS. “ I KEEP GETTING BULLIED AT SCHOOL FOR MY SIZE” I SAY. “ LIKE I SAID BEFORE STAND UP TO THEM” SHE SAYS BACK. I LEAVE MOM AND GO UPSTAIRS TO GO TO BED. I SET MY ALARM. I FALL ASLEEP. BEEP BEEP BEEP. THE LOUD BLARING NOISE OF THE ALMAR. IT'S THE MORNING. I GET UP AND GET READY. WALKING TO SCHOOL I PUT MY AIRPODS IN. TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYING. CONFIDENCE STRINGS THROUGH ME. “I MATTER, I AM SOMEONE, BUT NOT JUST ANYONE I’M ALLISA FALLS AND I MATTER” ITHINK”. STEPPING INTO SCHOOL I SEE THEM. THEY START LAUGHING, EVERYONE STARTS LAUGHING. I STOP, BUT FEEL NERVOUS. “ IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’D LIKE TO SAY” I SAY TO THEM. THEY STOP LAUGHING , AND THEIR FACES TURN PALE. THE TURN AROUND AND GO TO THEIR CLASSROOM. “ 7TH GRADE MATH, THAT’S  EASY” I SAY. I TURN AROUND THEN SEE THE PRINCIPAL. NEXT THING I KNOW I’M IN THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. “ WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT” THE PRINCIPAL SAYS. “ I WAS TRYING TO STAND UP TO THEM, THEY WERE LAUGHING AT ME” I SAY. THE PRINCIPAL STOPPED TO THINK THEN STARTS TO SAY “ WELL BEING MEAN IS NOT A GOOD OPTION”. I WAS SENT BACK TO CLASS, WITH FRIDAY DETENTION. AT THE END OF THE DAY I WALK HOME. THE BUS PASSES ME CAUSING MY HAIR TO GO EVERYWHERE. I LOOKED WEIRD WITH MY HAIR EVERYWHERE. WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK SORROW FILLING MY BRAIN. “ I CAN'T HAVE DETENTION ON FRIDAY, I HAVE BOOK CLUB. WERE READING A BOOK ABOUT HOW EVERYBODY MATTERS” I THOUGHT. AFTER THINKING THAT ALL I COULD ABOUT WAS HOW MAD MOM WAS GOING TO BE NOW THAT I HAVE DETENTION ON FRIDAY. I WALK UP THE PORCH, AND OPEN THE DOOR. THERE STOOD MOM. HER FACE WAS MORE RED THAN A TOMATO. “ HOW COULD YOU GET FRIDAY DETENTION, I TOLD YOU TO STAND UP TO THEM NOT BULLY THEM” MOM SCREAMS. “ I'M SORRY” I SAY.  “ YOU GROUNDED” MOM SAYS. “ GO TO YOUR ROOM”. I WALK UP THE STAIRS. I START TO CRY AGAIN; I COULDN'T STOP. I SET MY ALARM AND GO TO SLEEP. THE MORNING SOMETHING I HATE. IT WAS FREEZING IN MY ROOM SO I WRAP MYSELF UP INTO A BLANKET. I PUT ON MY FAVORITE OUTFIT, GRAB MY BACKPACK, WALK OUT THE DOOR. WALKING IN THE SCHOOL, AND GETTING INTO MY CLASS. EVERYBODYS  LAUGHING. TODAY I HAD A TEST AND I DIDNT NEED ANY DISTRACTIONS. OPENING MY IPAD TO DO THE TEST, AND I KNEW ALL OF IT. IT WAS THE END OF THE CLASS AND I WALK OUT THE DOOR CONFIDENT. LAUGHTER ECHOES THROUGH THE HALLWAYS. I COULDN’T HELP BUT CRY, AND RUN TO THE OFFICE. I GET TO THE RECEPTIONIST. “ CAN I CALL MY MOM PLEASE” I SAY TO HER. “ SURE; YOU CAN USE THE PHONE IN THE MEDICAL STATION” SHE REPLIES.      I WALK OVER TO THE PHONE TO CALL MY MOM. “ HELLO?” MOM SAYS . “ “HI MOM CAN YOU COME PICK ME UP” I SAY SOBBING. “ SURE” MOM SAYS IN RETURN. I HANG UP THE PHONE AND TELL THE LADY IN THE OFFICE MY MOM WAS COMING TO PICK ME UP. I WALK OUT OF THE OFFICE PETRIFIED OF EVERYONE IN THE HALL TO SEE ME WITH MY BACKPACK. I GET TO MY LOCKER AND EVERYONE STARTS TO CHANT SCAREDY CAT. I RUN DOWN THE HALL TO THE OFFICE. I OPEN THE DOOR AND WALK IN. THE OFFICE LADY WAS NAMED MRS,CANDISS. “WHAT WRONG” MRS,CANDISS SAID TO ME. “ EVERYONE KEEPS LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE OF MY SIZE” I SAY BACK. “ SAY SOMETHING TO THEM” SHE SAYS BACK. MY MOM ARRIVED AND SIGNED ME OUT FOR THE DAY. IN THE CAR IT WAS SILENT. WE MAKE IT HOME, AND I RUN TO MY ROOM. I GET ON MY PHONE, AND GET ON FACEBOOK. I DON’T KNOW WHY I HAVE ,BUT  I START TO SCROLL. I COME ACROSS A POST FROM MY SCHOOL. “ HELLO PARENTS OF THE STUDENTS OF ROSEMONT MIDDLE SCHOOL. WE WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU THERE WILL BE A MIDDLE SCHOOL TALENT SHOW. THE SIGN UP IS IN THE LINK BELOW. HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR YEAR”WAS WHAT A READ IN THE POST. “ THAT'S HOW I CAN STAND UP TO EVERYBODY WHO’S LAUGHING AT ME” I SAY TO MYSELF. I RUSH DOWN THE STAIRS. “ MOM, GUESS WHAT” I SAY WITH EXCITEMENT. “WHAT” MOM SAYS WITH A SIGH. “ I'M GOING TO BE IN THE TALENT SHOW, SO I CAN STAND UP TO EVERYBODY” I SAY. “GREAT” SHE SAYS BACK. “ I ALREADY SIGNED UP” I SAY TO MOM. “OK” MOM SAYS. I WALK OVER TO THE LIVING ROOM AND SIT DOWN ON THE COUCH. THE TALENT SHOW IS TOMORROW. I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. I WATCH MY FAVORITE SHOW ON THE TV AND THEN FALL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. I WAKE UP TO MY MOM SHAKING ME AND TELLING ME TO GET UP. I GET READY, EAT BREAKFAST, GRAB MY BACKPACK, AND WALK OUT THE DOOR. I WAS ENLIGHTENED BECAUSE AFTER TODAY NO ONE WAS GOING TO BULLY ME EVER AGAIN. I WALK IN THE SCHOOL IGNORING EVERYBODY.I THOUGHT I WAS THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD. FINALLY IT WAS THE END OF THE DAY. I WALK HOME AND THE BUS PASSES ME. I GET TO THE DOOR AND WALK IN. I NEEDED TO LOOK GOOD, BUT I CAN’T LOOK GOOD I WAS TOO BIG. I RUSH UPSTAIRS AND LOOK IN MY CLOSET. I SEE IT; THE PERFECT DRESS. I KNEW IT WAS THE ONE. THE WAY IT SPARKLED IN MY CLOSET.  I GO TO THE BATHROOM DOWNSTAIRS AND PUT ON THE DRESS. IT FITS MY CURVES PERFECTLY. IT MADE ME FEEL COURAGEOUS, AND CONFIDENT . THE BRIGHT BRIGHT PINK HUE LOOKED FABULOUS. I PUT ON SOME WHITE CONVERSE AND TOLD MOM I WAS READY. IN THE CAR I FELT FLUTTERING BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH. IT FELT UNREAL, AND UNCOMFORTABLE. WE REACH THE SCHOOL. “ ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS” MOM SAYS TO ME. “ YES, I HAVE TOO” I SAY BACK. WE WALK IN THE SCHOOL. I STOP WALKING. I WAS SO NERVOUS. I WAS FROZEN I COULDN’T  MOVE. THEN I THINK OF BEING A RESPECTED PERSON, OR SOMEONE WHO IS BRILLIANT. IT’S LIKE THE BRIGHT THOUGHTS ACED  LIKE A HEATER. THEN  MOM, AND I START HEADING TOWARDS THE AUDITORIUM. I WAS THE 6TH ACT. WE SAT IN THE CROWD, ONE BY ONE WATCHING EACH ACT. I WAS COUNTING IN MY BRAIN. 1,2 ,3 ,4 ,5. 6  THE LAST THING WANTED TO HEAR. I GET UP AND WALK UP THE STAIRS ON THE STAGE. MY FACE  TURNS RED. “ I'M GOING TO BE SAYING A SPEECH” I SAY TO THE CROWD. I TAKE A BREATH AND SAY  “ I'M GOING TO SAY A SPEECH . MY NAME IS ALYSSA FALSL, AND BULLYING SOMEONE FOR THEIR SIZE SHOULD BE UNEXCEPTIONAL. EVERYDAY ON MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN BULLIED FOR THE PERSON I AM. HAVING CURVES SHOULD NOT BE A BAD THING. HAVING CURVES SHOULD BE JUST AS NORMAL AS ALL BODY SHAPES. PEOPLE IN SOCIETY TODAY ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE THAT BEING LARGE  IS THE WORST THING EVER. IT ALMOST LIKE YOU CAN'T BE RESPECTED IF YOU ARE SOMEONE OF SIZE  UNLESS YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT. EVERYONE MATTERS, AND EVERYBODY'S BODY IS AMAZING. NO ONE SHOULD BE JUDGED BY THEIR BODY. IT DOESN'T SHOW WHAT KIND OF A PERSON THEY ARE. IN FACT NO ONE SHOULD BE JUDGED FOR ANYTHING. TODAY, AND FROM NOW ON WE SHOULD CHANGE THE WAYS OF OUR ATTITUDES AND SHOULD NOT JUDGE ANYONE. I'M ALYSSA FALLS, AND I THINK THAT EVERY ROLE I HAVE ON MY WAIST IS A NEW STORY, OR MORE BEAUTY”. THE CROWD WAS SILENT. MY MOTHER HAS HER MASCARA MESSED UP. ALL THE SUDDEN EVERYBODY STANDS UP AND STARTS TO CHEERING. ALL I COULD DO WAS SMILE. I WALKED OFF THE STAGE, AND EVERYBODY GATHERED AROUND ME. I WAS FILLED WITH ENLIGHTENMENT. I GET TO THE ROW MY MOM WAS SITTING, AND SHE STANDS UP AND  

HUGS ME. I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING CONSTRICTED, BUT IT FELT GOOD. AFTER EVERYBODY WAS DONE CHEERING WE LEFT THE SCHOOL. WE GET INTO THE CAR. “ THAT WAS A GREAT SPEECH”MOM SAID. “THANK YOU” I SAY BACK.  WE GET HOME. “ I CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE THINK OF ME” I SAY TO MYSELF. “ I’M RESPECTED” I SAY AGAIN. “ 12/20/23 IS THE WARMEST FEELING YET. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I SMILED BECAUSE OF SCHOOL. TONIGHT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT” I SAY TO MOM.