Today my dad hasn't spoken much. His smiles are like those little white dandelions you blow on and watch drift away with the wind. They come and go. I am even more nervous than before because all I know at this point is we are moving across the US to Montana. I feel pretty awful over all. Are flights scheduled for 5:30 p.m and all the  furniture should be there the next day so we have to stay in a hotel until then. Things are off to such a great start. 

   Dad was forced to invite people over because at the end of the day he is still a celebrity. Imagine losing your wife and not being able to grieve at your own rate. It's like people are forcing us to move on or stop sulking. I'm pretty sure this is an unhealthy way of grieving. I just wish I knew how to help my dad instead of watching his world waste away from a distance. The whole night he looked miserable, downing drinks like his stomach was a bottomless pit. 

   The last time I saw him like this was when he got laid off from work before we were the infamous Aringtons. That night he cried quietly in the room while my mom tried to comfort him but there was only so much she could do for a broken man. Now that I think back to it he has never really been okay but my mom made him feel better. Can I ever fill her shoes? I just feel like a burden to him. After a while my dad was so drunk I ended up calling the party a night. I don't think he can handle another scandal, not in a state like this.  We have a long day tomorrow. I just hope things are better by then.

At exactly 3:50 p.m my dad sprung into action. It was like he was reborn. He spent the day mostly locked away in his room drowning in shame for his behavior the other day. I tried to tell him that it was okay and that he deserves the right to lose his grip once in a while. Especially after losing mom. He said that there was no excuse for his behavior and that he would never act like this again. He said that the last time he was like this but we see how that turned out. 

   Before we left the house I ran my hands against the paint stained walls my mom spent most of her days locked away in, engraving each delicate texture the paint had on my hands to remember for years. Now that we are leaving I feel like I'm making a mistake. Like I'm trying to leave behind my mom. I don't want to forget her or move on. I want to remember everything about her. Is moving really what we need?

The plane ride to Montana was free from disturbance. At one point I was actually able to sleep without a nightmare or wandering thought about my mom. I don't think my dad is as miserable anymore. Things seem to be looking up. Plus I love airplane peanuts so this is a win-win situation for me. I get to enjoy the wonderful snacks and see my dad look more at peace.

   When we landed I was a bit scared and not looking forward to having to stay at a hotel. It took maybe 3 hours to get there and settle in. We met a few locals who didn't seem to know who we were. I was curious, everywhere we've been the people knew who we were. I guess we really were getting a fresh start. The people are all friendly and the overall vibe of the town is nice. I think I'm going to like it here and I think dad will too.

Our first night in the hotel was like any other hotel we've stayed in. I visited the pool and spotted a few hot guys. Then I went up to my room but not before telling my dad good night. This time I stayed a bit longer than I usually do just because I felt like things were going a bit too smooth and that he was back to hiding how he felt.  He actually seemed okay which for some reason scares me. I know that kinda makes me sound sadistic but something about how he went from “mid life crisis end of the world drunken father” to “sunshines and rainbows happy celebrity golfing dad” would frighten any 16 year old girl. I gradually crept back to my room after being so baffled by my dads full 360 mood change. I spent the rest of the night thinking about why he seemed so better. I'm just saying if i was him i wouldn't be smiling that much and look that at peace it might upset my dead wife into haunting me. 

   The next morning as we were packing up to go I accidently thought out loud which led to me and my dad having a long conversation about why we moved to Montana and some more.  Apparently my mom had been looking into moving to Montana because she felt like she had spent her whole life in florida. My dad said that being here makes him feel closer to her. He  also said he wants her to see her well deserved future through his eyes since she couldn't be here herself to see it. Now I feel bad for thinking that my dad was some psychopath. I should stop jumping to conclusions, Just knowing my mom wanted to be here makes me feel better about leaving all her physical memories back in florida.

I know you were expecting more out of this story but once we moved in and things were going great. Me and my dad made a few new friends and have been off the radar from social media so there aren't any scandals. I met a cute new boy named Liam and all the moms out here are obsessed with my dad. It's really gross but he needs the attention to keep him sane. I think the best thing for us was moving here. The journey to get to this new happy life was hard and took a lot of therapy but it was worth it. Me and dad are 2 years into our  fresh start and I'm loving it. All is well in Kalispell Montana.