They’re coming. I can hear them” she told me. I asked her to act unconscious but have the bar in her hand, hidden. The message from dad that told me her location popped up. I told Manu to call ram uncle and I started to run to the tower. The location was somewhere in Rongtong. I came there as soon as possible and found that there were members of squad behind me. Dad had sent them. The house was small, almost not existent, and alone and covered by trees. It looked suspicious at first sight. I called her phone but she didn’t pick up. I tried repeatedly. She picked up on my sixth call. “They were there. So I couldn’t pick up.”  She spoke. Her voice was broken and as if speaking hurt her throat. No. please no! That was the only thing that my mind said. I did not want her to tell me that she had faced things that I had. Please. Tell me I'm dreaming. Someone wake me up. Please! “Selena. Did they hurt you?” she didn't speak for a while and I controlled my urge to scream. “Selena. Tell me. Please.”    And finally she spoke, “yes.” My whole world shattered into a million tiny pieces. They had hurt her. They had hurt my Selena. MY Selena. How did they even dare? “Will you be okay?” I asked. ‘mhmm.’ was all she said. Where are they now, I questioned. Somewhere in the other room. They’re drunk, she told me. “I traced your phone’s location. I'm outside the house where you are.” I informed her. “I'm coming honey. Hang on in there. I'm coming.”  Then I heard the sound of footsteps on the other side of the phone. “Don’t cut the call.” I instructed her. The police were here now.  We just heard the man’s voice, and then we saw him barge out of the front door of the house where we were standing.

He looked at us, shocked, and then I heard Selena scream.

I heard Selena scream.

I pushed him to the side and ran to the rooms of the house. No, she wasn’t there. I ran downstairs, and there, in a room in the corner, was she. So fragile, so broken. She was crying. There was a man on one side of the room. The man who had hurt my Selena. The man who would soon be dead. the one because of  whom my Selena was in this state. The policemen held him at his position, his hands behind his back, his head pushed into the table.

I didn’t know what to do.

Her hands were bruised and her lips were swollen. How dare they do that to her. How dare they. Each of them would be dead. I would see to it. She was naked waist downwards and had wrapped her arms around her legs. There was a cut on her forehead and had blood flowing from it. The room smelt of cheap liquor, cigarettes, rust and salt- the smell of blood. I walked towards her slowly, before telling someone to bring the clothes I had in my bag in the car, down here. I stopped a feet away from her. I knew that she wouldn’t be able to recognize me. She would just get scared. Her mind was still analyzing her safety. I turned my head and asked the rest of the men to leave with the abusers. Someone brought me the clothes I had kept- capris and a shirt. It was what I was going to wear after playing in the river. Right now I was wearing a tank top with my fave ‘don’t stop till you drop’ t-shirt and shorts. She was just in a short t-shirt. I bent down beside her gently and hugged her gently.

She finally realized that it was me who was there all along and she leant in on my shoulder and started crying.

She leant in on my shoulder and started crying.

The sound was so painful; her crying was the most painful thing I had ever heard. And her scream. It stuck me to my place. So heart wrenching. How could they do this to her? She being in any kind of pain, the thought incensed me with hate for them. I picked her up slowly, looking for signs- I had been experienced enough to know them. Yes, it was there. There was blood and her voice too. I knew the thing that had made my voice so. I shuddered at the thought. How could someone dare to hurt her in such a way? How? What were those people? Certainly not human. As she got up, she swayed, but I caught her. She didn't stop crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. The girl I loved the chocolate brown eyes from which I had promised that I wouldn’t let a tear fall, those eyes, stared back at me, glazed over, red and broken. She backed away from me for a moment, as if analyzing if she could trust me or not, but she knew that it was me. She knew that I never had meant to hurt her in any way, and she knew that I had left then because of her good. Because I knew that she would be better off without me, without a broken girl who gave sadness to everything she touched. She staggered towards me and I pulled her into my arms tightly.

Tears threatened to come out from the corner of my eyes but I forced them back in, for I knew that I had to be strong for her.
I had to let her know that I was there, not relating things to my own past. 

I had to let her know that I was there, not relating things to my own past.

She had twisted her left ankle and couldn’t walk properly. I almost picked her up in my arms and proceeded to make her sit on the chair that was at the end of the room, near the door. I could hear the police officers outside the room, and some of them in the house, groping for other evidences, while some were contacting the main office. My girl…my Selena. How could it be?

Somebody please tell me this is a dream.

 I helped her put on the clothes and then proceeded to get her shoes and her bag that were lying at the other end of the room. She looked so delicate, so broken. And I knew that she was too. I opened up the door to find Ram uncle standing with a cup of warm water. He also handed me a bottle of cold water. She drank the water slowly, wincing when it hurt her throat, and then motioned for some of the cold water. I gave her some and while she was drinking it, I took of my t-shirt and wet it with the water. Approaching slowly, I softly wiped the blood on her forehead and neck and then her palms. She looked at me as if in a daze. I didn’t understand what it was. Maybe just surprise at realizing how I was there. Or shock at seeing me.

But my mind got stuck at one theory: she was stunned at the fact that she was alive and shocked that I was there, even though I had gone away saying it would be like I never existed.

I had gone away saying it would be like I never existed.

I ignored the staring and pulled her into an embrace. I had missed this too much in the past few months and now that I had felt her in my arms again, I felt like I was complete again. I had wanted to hold her close so many times, but I never had let my wishes convert into reality, for I knew that if she came close again, I wouldn’t be able to push her farther away without killing us both. I had never thought that something like this would come up and that I would hold her close in such a situation. I lifted her up in my arms slowly, taking care about not touching the places where it would hurt her.

The locals just stared at us while we walked up to the car from the house. It wasn’t an everyday sight; a fourteen year old girl leading a team of police constables and the forest squad for saving another fourteen year old  girl victim, who was her ex-girlfriend. When I say ex-girlfriend, it sounds so odd. Like a disease or something. I was still single, but that didn’t stop her from being my ex. I think that they were startled by the way she looked, and the way I handled her. she was like a piece of glass. To me, she always had been, but to the others, she was that now. We sat down in my car, accompanied by a police constable. I put an arm around her and held both of her now shaking hands in mine. She didn’t stop crying at all. We went off to Sukna where the rest them were already waiting. I had been gone for around an hour and a half and my dearest friends had come back after enjoying in the river and were now sitting in the balcony, waiting for me, so that  we could have lunch. I told them to go and have lunch and that I had a bit of a complication.

One glance at Selena and the questions arrived.

One glance at Selena and the questions arrived.

I told them that I would tell them after they would have had lunch. I took Selena in a room and sat down together. She didn’t speak, and neither did I. we sat together in silence. Her body shook convulsively as she broke down repeatedly. My arm never left her side; I kept on holding her hand. The sudden ringing of my phone startled the both of us. She quieted down a bit and I picked up. It was dad. He asked me about what had happened. I told him in the briefest way possible, almost excluding the state in which I had found her. I didn’t want her to hear it. I didn’t want her to feel that she was broken and that she couldn’t continue. I didn’t want her to end up like me. He asked me to take her to Neotia and get the tests done, so that evidence in court would be easier. I told him that we would leave in half an hour because she had to eat and that it would be great if the police officer who would be handling the case would be present there.

 I didn’t ask her any questions, I didn’t do anything. I just held her hand and ran my fingers through her hair. I remembered her telling me that it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever felt.

 I held her as we stood up and went to the dining room. I gestured the rest to not ask questions and made her sit down on a sofa. Making her eat was hard, but she had to eat. She hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch. She drank water and ate some food. I realized that she was tired and that she might want to rest, so I scooped he up into my arms and put her to bed. “We leave in half an hour for the hospital.” I told her.

"We leave in half an hour for the hospital.” I told her.

 I sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep, and at that moment, I realized why I couldn’t let go of her still. I loved her. I knew that I did. If I hadn’t loved her, I wouldn’t have gone to save her. If I hadn’t loved her, I wouldn’t have been crying here when I could see her in front of me. If I hadn’t loved her then I wouldn’t have been angry at those men who hurt her. And I knew that she loved and trusted me still. How come was it that she hadn’t chosen to call her parents? But I knew that her relationship with her parents wasn’t good and that they might not have been able conceive the fact and help as fast as I had. I had been through what she was going through, after all. How come was it that she hadn’t called her best friends? There were four of them, right? Why hadn’t she called them? She had called ME. And that had to mean something. She had trusted me enough and had know that I loved her still, that she knew that I would do anything to see her alright. ANYTHING.  She knew it. Now we were both broken. Did that mean that I wouldn’t have to leave her? I had left her before because I had felt that my brokenness was affecting her in a bad way. But that depended on her. If she wanted me back, then she would have me back. And I would stay with her till whenever she wanted. I knew I would. Manu and Ani walked in, whisper asking me about what had happened. I told them all I knew, as silently and without details as possible.

I put my hand on hers and softly kissed her forehead. 

I put my hand on hers and softly kissed her forehead. 

She didn’t wake up half an hour later; so, I took her to the car in my arms. Most of my friends had gone back home in the other cars and it was just Manu and Maui who were going to come with me as their homes were near there. She woke up on the way to the hospital, dazed. “Shh… we’re going to the hospital. You'll be okay love. It’ll be alright Sunshine. Shh.” I doubted if she believed my words, and honestly, I didn’t believe my words either. How was it supposed to be alright? She was gone. The innocence, the childish nature, the smile, all of it was gone. But I knew that she was out there somewhere. She was hidden, and all I had to do was give her time to find out her true self. Would she be able to do it? Would it be easier for her or harder than it had been for me? would she turn suicidal, like I had? Would they put her into isolation too? Isolation hadn’t worked for me. I had become only more suicidal after that. I hope that they don’t suggest it for her. if they do then I'm going to intervene. I would come clean and tell them exactly what had happened to me- with the details.  And show them my scars to prove that I was still like that. I couldn’t let her become like that. I couldn’t let  her become like me. Things passed quickly in the hospital. Her result came back positive. But I didn’t think that there was any need for that test.

I could look at her and tell what she had been through. I wondered if they had known about me when they had found me.

“Love.” She spoke. Selena? You spoke. You recognize me now?  I was there. Jenny. Your Jenny. Remember me? I was the girl who had come for you. I was the girl whom you had called. Remember? Selena. I'm sorry. I’ll never leave your side again. I love you so much. I've missed you.  But before these words could escape my lips, someone else walked in, as if on cue. As if she had called him ‘love’.  “Sunshine? You’re better now?”  SUNSHINE? That was the name I had given her. How can someone else call you that? Selena! Stop him. Don't let him call you that. “Yes. Water.” And she started coughing. I at once leapt to her side with water and a straw. She sipped quietly and then said thank you. The nurses came in and asked us to move out. I asked him about who he was. Her boyfriend, he said. BOYFRIEND?  She’d made a boyfriend in these few months? And now he was calling her Sunshine?  He told me thanks for saving her, and asked me about how I came to know about it. I wanted to tell. I wanted to spill. But she had moved on. She had a new life. And I had promised that I would do the best I could for her. And for now, it meant shutting up and telling lies. I would be okay with that. You just stay happy okay?

I just told him that she was my junior in high school. I happened to be in the area when the news came and I tracked her phone down. That was all I told. She would be happy. She had a new life

She had a new life. 

I realized it then. She HAD called me, but that was because I was the savior. And I could save people. Like I saved her. That was the only reason why she had called me. That was the only reason. She didn’t even recognize me when I went in there to meet her. Not a hint of recognition. Nothing in her memory about the four months that we had spent together. Just blank. That did hurt.

But that wasn’t her fault. I hadn’t created an impression that was everlasting to stay. Her boyfriend had. Her friends had. Everyone had.

Just I hadn’t.

She remembered everyone.

Everyone except me. I was the one she couldn’t remember. Why? But then it was better for the both of us. She couldn’t remember me now, and I would forget her too. I would find a way to.

I knew that it would be impossible for me to exist without her. It would be even worse than death.

It would be impossible for me to exist without her.

And I would find a way to not exist at all.

I would find a way to not exist at all.                                  And I knew the perfect way.

Now, on top of my home, a four storied building. Forgetting her.                                                                          Slitting my hands and watching the blood flow. Forgetting her.                                                                        Reading all her letters one by one. Forgetting her.          Playing with the keychain she had given me. Forgetting her. Looking at our pictures and crying. Forgetting her.      Trying to remove the ring she had given me from my hand. Forgetting her.                                                        Smiling at myself when I climb the ledge. Forgetting her. Calling her for one last time. Forgetting her.              Hearing her voice on the other side. Forgetting her.      Telling her the last words I would speak. Forgetting her. Hearing her voice asking me who I was. Forgetting her. “Jenny here.” Forgetting her.                                   Hearing not a point of recognition. Forgetting her.            “I love you Selena. Goodbye”. Forgetting her.          Stepping over the ledge like stepping on another stair. Forgetting her.                                                        Feeling my hair being windblown. Forgetting her.        Feeling the impact of the ground. Forgetting her.        Darkness all around. Forgetting her.                               It’s hard to breathe. Forgetting her.                               My heart stops beating. Forgetting her.                         Her face in my mind. Forgetting her

Darkness all around.                                                  My clothes stained with blood.                                      No lup-dup of my heart.                                            No chest heaving.       

Her laugh fills up my ears.                                          Her face in my mind.                                                The sensation of her touch on my skin.                    Her lips on my lips.       

How do I forget her?                                                    How do I forget her?

Forgetting her...

Forgetting her...