They had their bags in tow and expressions of amazement etched on their faces. “I can already tell that college is going to be lit,” Damien whispered once his mother was out of earshot.

Rowan flashed him a smile and jokingly mimicked holding a joint in between her fingers. “Lit? Just imagine the parties. They’re going to be so much cooler than the high school ones.” She chimed in, her mouth twitching upwards into a look of pure amazement.

“Or the girls,” Adam added, as he waved to a group of girls passing by. Rowan hit him lightly on the shoulder and shook her head. She hated when her brother regarded women like they were objects to be toyed with.

“Show us more respect.” Her tone was less playful now as she and her twin started to bicker back and forth. Their words droned on, becoming less audible to Damien as they walked across the parking lot. Everything around him felt dulled; the heat from the sun felt colder than normal, his vision felt less focused, and his mouth formed a straight line. He was starting to doubt his decisions for college.

While his best friends were arguing, he felt himself start to waver. He almost ran back to his mom, back to the car for safety. Until he saw a girl heading in the opposite direction from the trio. When Damien looked at her, his world stood still for a moment. He held his breath, like the image of her had submerged him under water; now he was kicking to the surface, desperate for air. She was the air that supplied his oxygen. That sweet breath of life. The girl had short brown hair that just barely reached her shoulders, the ends curled upwards like petals on a flower, it bounced as she walked. Her eyes were big and brown; staring into Damien’s soul like two amber pools. Her face was round, and her cheeks were covered in freckles. Damien only managed a meager glimpse before she turned her head to stare at him. He immediately shielded his face and joined his friend’s conversation again.

“…why do you think back in ancient times that men would go out hunting? It’s because no one would blink an eye if two or three males went missing, but the society would collapse if the women died!” Rowan asserted, her lips twitching as Adam infuriated her with another obscure point. She cast Damien a sideways glance and tapped his shoulder gently. “What’s the matter?” She asked quickly, noticing the odd look in his eyes. She was a little angry at him for not taking a sider in their conversation. It wasn’t like him. In all the years that Rowan had known Damien, she knew that she could count him as being the referee between her and Adam.

Damien adverted his gaze and tried to hide his smile. “Uh, nothing.” His voice squeaked lightly as the lie became more evident. Rowan quirked her mouth and swept her gaze along the campus. She was trying to search for something, or rather someone who had gained his interest. In all sixteen years of knowing Damien, she could spot his lies from a mile away. Hearing the deceit make his voice waver only made her more suspicious. She fixed her gaze on the girl with short brown hair. She was in optimal position for Damien to have stared at her.

“It’s a girl!” She suddenly shouted, and Damien quickly covered her mouth to hush her. His eyes became wide as she spoke through his fingers. “Damien has a crush on a girl!” Her voice was mumbled and muted, but her meaning could still come across just as well at normal volume.

“No, I don’t, let’s just go.” He was anxious to get to the dorms now and to shift the center of attention off him. He quickened his pace and led the group towards their respective housing. Rowan and Adam followed behind him. They were at odds with each other from the argument, but they couldn’t help to appreciate the architecture and beauty the University had to offer.

Once they had arrived inside the dorms, Damien waved to Rowan as she parted for the female floor upstairs. Their dorm was co-ed, so Rowan was rooming with a stranger. Damien and Adam, however, were roommates. The pair of boys walked towards their dorm on the first floor. The door was swung open by Ada. Damien walked into the small room and quickly gazed at the preexisting furniture.  His heavy beige backup was set on the empty bed to the left, claiming the bed as his. Damien set down the other suitcase he was carrying and placed it on the floor. Adam did the same and then went over to their window to check out their view. “Woah, look at that!” He shouted as he pointed towards the lake on campus. Damien was busy putting away his clothes and had barely paid Adam any attention. It wasn’t until he had physically grabbed his shoulder that he listened.

“Come on, man. I’m trying to put away my-”. His sentence was cut off as he was jerked away from his bed and placed outside of the window. Damien had to admit, the view was quite admirable. A lopsided grin encompassed his face as his green eyes took in the scenery. “It’s something else, isn’t it?” Damien said as he turned away from the window. “Now let me get back to unpacking.” He demanded from his best friend. Adam let Damien busy himself with work as he stretched out on his bed and started blasting music loud enough to hear out of his earbuds. Damien rolled his eyes. Sure, Adam may have been impractical at times, but he was his best friend. There wasn’t another soul on the planet he would’ve asked for to go to college with. Eventually, Damien had finished packing. Orientation had gone by, and he soaked in the information like a sponge. Later that night he had crashed back on his bed, exhausted by the day’s events.

A shrill pitch pierced through the dawn’s early hours. Damien jolted awake and pressed his hand down on the snooze button. He was momentarily confused and squinted at the red illuminated numbers on the alarm clock. It read 7:05 a.m. Damien groaned and slid out of bed, rushing to get dressed and ready for his 8 a.m. class. He was having seconds thoughts as to why he signed up for such an early class, and on a Monday for that matter. Nevertheless, Damien soon left his room and a sleeping roommate as he headed to his 8 a.m. English 104 class.

He stumbled over his steps as he approached the language arts building. Several stairs later and he had found himself alone in the small classroom. Almost alone, that was. He was astonished to see the same girl as before sitting by herself in the classroom. Perhaps it was fate, or maybe luck, that they had been randomly selected to be in the same class, but Damien considered himself extremely lucky. He slowly walked over towards her and motioned to the seat next to her, hoping that she wasn’t saving the seat for anyone.

“Is anyone sitting here?” His voice was hesitant as he asked the question and waited for her answer. He was acutely aware of his wardrobe; he had tossed on the first shirt that he had seen and an old pair of blue jeans to accompany it. He was rugged looking and was slightly conscious of how the girl would perceive him.

The girl took out her headphones, and tossed her head to the side, fully taking in Damien’s stance and appearance. Her lips spread into a smile as she let out a little puff of air as if she was going to scoff at him. She spoke in a clear and concise Southern belle accent. “Sure thing, sugar. I don’t see anyone else there, now do you?” She replied to him casually and patted the seat. She appeared to be more intrigued by his reasons for being so forward with her.

Damien was surprised, his brow arched upwards at her acceptance. In high school, he was the outcast of his class. He wasn’t a jock, nor was he academic. He had to work two jobs to help his mother out with bills and groceries. He had never had much time to date, even if he had had time, the jocks would’ve prevented any girl from liking him. Receiving this verbal acceptance from such a pretty girl caught him off guard. He sat down in the chair and tapped his fingers on the edge of the table. A few more students lingered into the lecture and mingled with each other. “My name’s Damien. What’s yours?” He said finally and settled his hand's palm up on the table.

“My name’s Jacki. It’s nice to meet you, Damien.” She swept back a lock of her hair and then focused on the professor standing at the podium. Damien tried to focus too, but the rest of the class was a blur. After class, Jacki had risen to leave, but Damien stood up to interact with her before she left. He rushed to catch up to her, afraid of rejection or her being uninterested in him.

“Maybe I could see you sometime after class, or get your phone number?” His eyes were hopeful as he stood up and waited for her response, his breath hitched in his throat. It was a clear indication of the hopelessness he felt.

“There’ll be a party in a month from now at my house, I’ll be there.” She gave him a playful wink and left the lecture hall.

Damien was left reviewing the events that had occurred, he gave a small hoot as he realized that Jacki could potentially be into him. “Man, what a rush!” His voice echoed through the empty lecture hall as he left too and headed towards his next class.

The leaves fell off the trees, and students donned on heavier jackets to guard against the cold. Damien was focused on grades, hanging out with Adam, getting accustomed to University life and talking to Jacki. The days blurred together, making it hard for Damien to distinguish one day from the next. Somedays he was too busy to eat, or talk to his friends, though he brushed it off for the sake of getting his work done. All his professors seemed nice enough, he hadn’t taken the time to get to know every one of them. His classmates were mildly interested in his day to day life, but they weren’t too invested in his conversations. He found himself just existing, just enough to get by with his classes, but not enough to find pleasure in the day to day interactions with other people.

Time flew by like nobody’s business. Damien had forgotten all about the party, but today was the day. He had been talking to Jacki for a whole month, admiring her from afar. He had quite the crush on her now but wasn’t certain of her own feelings. Did she feel the same as he did? He could never tell if the smirk on her face was because of her amusement, or a genuine mutual feeling of love for him. Damien dressed in his best attire; dress pants and a buttoned-down shirt and headed towards the address that Jacki had invited him to. Adam hadn’t even wished him a farewell when he left the room.

It was a short drive to his destination. The 99’ Chevy was idle as Damien watched other college students filter in and out of the large house. He glanced down at the note Jacki had written him, and then back up towards the address on the house. It was the same address as he had thought. There were too many teens to be anything else but a party. Damien pulled the truck into park and turned the ignition off. He checked his appearance in the mirror and took a deep breath in preparation for the party and social interactions. Damien hopped out of his truck and walked towards the house. A couple of football players were getting drunk on the front lawn, shouting things about boobs, booze, and balls. Footballs, he hoped, though he could never tell a person’s sexual preference by just looking at them. People were more complex; like Jacki.

Damien felt his face become flushed when he watched her move so carelessly in between the other people. He was amazed by how perfect she fit in here, this was her scene. Her face was radiant in the flashing lights, it was lit up with pleasure and delight. He walked towards her, hoping that his confidence would be enough to appear as fearless as she was. “Hey, Jacki.” He said calmly while watching her dance to the electronic beat on the stereo. She was electric, the way that her body moved was hypnotic, and Damien was entranced. He grinned and tapped her shoulder, hoping to get a chance to dance with her. He would have preferred a slow song over the music currently being played, but at this moment, Damien couldn’t care less.

Jacki was dancing along to the beat, her body moving like no one was watching. When Damien had tapped her on the shoulder, she took hold of his hand and guided him to mimic the moves she was dancing along to. Soon the pair was dancing, but not for long. “Drink some beer, you’ll feel a lot better!” She encouraged as she quickly led him to the beverage table and poured him a drink. She handed him the liquid courage and he gladly took it. He needed this, he needed to just not feel stressed for one night.

“Thanks!” He shouted as the beer started to take effect. The atmosphere of the party began to take a different spin as he was affected by the alcohol. His vision became fuzzy, but he didn’t mind. He welcomed the mind-numbing buzz, he reveled in it. As long as Jacki was by his side and there was more beer, he was happy. He felt himself get lost in the music. The beat continued, pulling him closer to Jacki like a magnet. Time seemed to speed up as he lost track of it. Had an hour passed, or had it just been a few minutes? Either way, it wasn’t a surprise when Damien ended up passed out on the couch in the living room.

The sunlight streamed in through the window, causing Damien to wake up. He groaned as his head pounded from a major headache. He had barely remembered last night, but he hoped that Jacki had left him her phone number to stay in contact. He reached for his phone and searched through his contacts. Her name was misspelled, but it was obviously her. He keyed in a text that read: “Hey Jacki, I had a good time at the party,” his thumb hovered over the send button before he pressed it quickly. He turned off his phone and waited for her response; drifting back into a dreamless sleep.

A few hours later, his phone chimed with a response. Damien gently shielded his eyes from the sun as he read the text, his eyes opening in fear. The message read, “Glad to hear, but you missed the test in English! It was worth 75% of your grade,” this made Damien’s heart sink to his stomach. He hopped up from the couch, exited her house and drove straight towards the university. He didn’t care about his appearance or anything else for that matter, he marched straight towards his teacher’s office and begged her to let him take the test later. She only gave him a small shake of disproval from her head. She was final in her word.

The trees were all bare. Frost had gathered around the campus like a blanket. Damien found it hard to keep up with his assignments. He continued to keep in touch with his friends, but he was holding them at arm’s length. When asked to parties or get-togethers, Damien would shrug off their invitations and surround himself with his own company. He felt like he was stuck on repeat; like every day was the same.

One day, as Adam was walking back to their dorm, he noticed something odd that struck him. The door was left slightly ajar. He furrowed his brow as he pushed the heavy door open, and looked around the room. Damien’s bed was made, his clothes were packed away neatly, and nothing was out of order. “Damien?” He questioned in a usually high-pitched voice. No response. “Hey, Damien, a couple of friends and I are grabbing some dinner out tonight. Do you want to come with us?” Nothing but silence in the dorm. Adam felt a rush a fear and quickly ran to their bathroom. He opened the door to their bathroom and screamed.
His best friend of sixteen years was lying dead on the floor; he looked almost like he could be asleep. Adam cradled his friends head and shook him lightly. Fat, hot tears gathered on his cheek as he suddenly realized that Damien wasn’t going to wake up. “Damien…hang on, we’re getting you some help.” Adam didn’t want this to be real. He didn’t think that this could be possible for someone like Damien. How had he missed the signs? Adam gathered himself enough to stand on his feet and call the campus police. His hands shook as he dialed the numbers, his mind racing as he thought about Damien’s mother, Jacki, and Rowan. They would be heartbroken about his death. Had Damien thought ahead to include them in his suicide? Adam wasn’t sure, but his own heart broke at the thought of burying his best friend in a casket, six feet underground. He cast a glance to the empty pill bottles tossed to the side. He felt a furry of curses gather on his tongue. He wanted to scream again, to punch the wall. He was still in denial of how his friend could have abandoned him.

There was a funeral held for Damien the following week. His mother, who was usually vibrant was mute. She couldn’t gather the words to express her feelings; she was numb. Adam hadn’t stopped crying since discovering Damien’s body. He felt angry at him, angry at the world for not saving him before it was too late. Rowan was quiet. Her childhood crush was gone; she felt cheated out of a lifetime of friendship from him. She felt alone. Among the random acquaintances in the crowd, Jacki stood amidst them all. She had blamed herself for Damien’s initial death. She had been the one to invite him to the party; the one who had distracted him from his studies. Maybe if she had been aware of his internal struggles, she could have helped. As the mourners finished saying their goodbyes, the casket enclosed with Damien’s body was lowered into the ground. Dirt gathered on the wood as the gravediggers covered Damien’s casket.

My dear readers, you may be upset as you’ve realized that Damien committed suicide. It may have seemed a random occurrence, but I assure you, it wasn’t. On multiple occasions throughout his story, he mentioned not eating or not sleeping. Those are tell-tale signs of depression. Another instance in the story is when he ignored Adam and Rowan and found it hard to make new friends. Having depression means that you’re more likely to lose interest in things and people that you’d otherwise want to spend time with. For Damien, he lacked putting the effort to surround himself with friends because of his own thoughts of despair. Then, there was a period where he completely spaced out. After missing his test, he felt that his life was hopeless, that there was no going back to correct his mistakes. If he would have tried to bond with his teacher before, or expressed his viewpoint to her sooner, then he wouldn’t have felt the loss of his grade as deeply as he did.

Depression exists. There are signs and symptoms all around us that we either choose to ignore or are oblivious to. How many more people must die before we realize that we need to stop it? Even If it’s just providing support to the person with depression, that can be the vital link that they need in this world. We don’t have to be everyone’s hero, but if we can change one life, then we can change them all. Just like in the story, Damien’s death could have been prevented if his peers or teachers were aware of the signs and symptoms he presented.