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Shallow
March 30, 2014
Summary:
16 year old, brother and sister; Zayne and Zoe want a better life for themselves. Being in a foster home with adults who don't care, is worst then being on the streets. Zoe and Zayne will have to stick together and make some tough choices.
GhostBeam
Shallow
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This book has 9 comments.
Crystallite BRONZE said...
on May. 5 2014 at 1:56 pm
THIS LOOKS SO COOL
Not a bad story, but I was throughly confused by the second chapter. The grammer and spelling errors made it really hard to concentrate on the story itself and the way it changed perspectives really threw me a curve. Your thoughts are precise... prehaps too precise in spots.... I'd like to see how you tie the two chapters together, though!
Luniverse.Of.Life said...
on Apr. 20 2014 at 2:23 am
this is really good :) I hope you keep writing :)
TheUniverse said...
on Apr. 14 2014 at 8:06 pm
This is a very good beginning to the book... Love the way you've started in the formation and it seems as if your thoughts are precise... I like that...... Keep up the great writing!!!!!!
TheOceansBlackBird SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2014 at 8:04 pm
This is really good! I like how the prolouge really sets up the story, and how you can really see how poor the two children are. Yet again, you should reallytry to fix your spelling and grammar mistakes...but otherwise I really liked it!
TheNobleSavage said...
on Apr. 11 2014 at 5:46 pm
Can't wait to see what happens next, although as it has already been said before, those quotation marks though. Otherwise, great story idea.
GhostMatrix SILVER said...
on Apr. 6 2014 at 12:53 pm
Thx you so much for the feedback and i'll work on my grammer and these " ".
Kestrel135 PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 6 2014 at 8:01 am
This was a good beginning to a book. I like how the introduction really sets up everything for the future; you don't entirely understand the relation, but you know that there is one, and can assume what that relation may be - a great tactic for enticing the reader. There were some really great phrases in here, such as the ending to the prologue. The first chapter also was pretty good, but there were a few grammatical errors - but they didn't really take away from the piece that much. The story itself could branch out into a lot of possibilities; who is the girl in the basement, really? Will Marcus come back? The only thing that I though was a bit distracting was the dialogue. Sometimes you didn't use " " around words that were being spoken, which could be a bit confusing. Also, in the first chapter it seems as though it is in third person, but then goes into first from Zoe's perspective. Transitions like that can be a bit confusing to the reader, so I would try to keep it in first person the whole time. Otherwise, this is a great story. The prologue was intruiging and enticed the reader. The first chapter, though a bit slow at times, was also interesting because it allowed you to look into their lives and get a feel for who the characters are. On a whole, this is a start to a great book! Well done!
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Favorite Quote:
"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances."<br /> B.F. Skinner