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THE BLACK SHEEP
Author's note: My low-self esteem inspired me to write this book. Me getting talked about for my skin color all of the times.
Have you ever been picked on for your skin color? Well hello, my name is Tyanna Brooks. I just turned 14 on September the 14th. I never had the childhood that every other child had. I did not live with her real family at all; instead I continued to travel to different people’s homes. Not knowing all of the pain and hurt that I would have to endure. I always wanted to be loved by someone. Not just a person that say’s “I love you” out of their mouths, but that shows me exactly how much they loved me. I grew up being poor. I had to eat the same meal every day which was rice. I was now at her fifth foster home. Everybody got rid of me because they always said that I was “too black”. I looked like charcoal. I looked like the queen of Africa. Not just at my foster homes would I receive these negative and hurtful comments, but also at the different schools I attended.
One day I asked her foster mother, “Mom, why do I have to get treated badly”? My foster mom responded, “don’t you call me mom, you aint nothing, never was, and you never will be, oh and you are too black”. I was shocked at that comment. I just busted into tears and ran to the basement. In this foster home, I was locked in the basement at night because they did not trust me. If I did anything wrong that her foster parents did not approve of, they would beat me with sticks from outside. (Literally big wooden sticks).After one of the beatings I received, my head was busted and blood was everywhere. My foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Little bite, took me to the hospital and lied and said that I tried to kill myself. I almost died for blood lost. I did sue this foster family for lack of care and for being abusive.
Now that I am 15, I went to another foster family whose names were Mr. and Mrs. Dwight. Mr. and Mrs. Dwight had two children named Selena and Matt. This family was Caucasian and they lived in the south. I was mistreated as badly as she was with her recent foster family. I had to eat in her room when the family ate at the dining room table. When guests came to visit, Mr. and Mrs. Dwight taught me how to act as a maid. I had to clean the dishes by myself. I asked her foster sister Selena, “Can you help me was the dishes”? Selena said, “I aint helpin a Negro, especially one that is dark as you”! I thought that I had enough. I knew my word in the Bible. I always meditated on the scripture Romans chapter 8 verse 28 which says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”.
I was now starting to believe exactly everything that everyone was telling her. I started saying, “I am ugly, and I won’t be anything in life”. I felt hurt and I did not know what to do about my situation. I turned away from God. I thought that if I was not so sweet, then everybody would like me if I tried to fit in. So after a month, I began to smoke cigarettes and drink. Over time, I eventually started to put crack in her arms. I knew I wasn’t right, but I only wanted someone to love me and like me.
I was now starting to believe exactly everything that everyone was telling her. I started saying, “I am ugly, and I won’t be anything in life”. I felt hurt and I did not know what to do about my situation. I turned away from God. I thought that if I was not so sweet, then everybody would like me if I tried to fit in. So after a month, I began to smoke cigarettes and drink. Over time, I eventually started to put crack in her arms. I knew I wasn’t right, but she only wanted someone to love me and like me.
I was able to get a boyfriend. His name was Nick. But Nick did not like me for who she really was. I could tell by his actions towards me when we were around his friends. He only liked me because whatever he told me to do, I would do it. At age 16, I gave up my virginity to Nick because he said he loved me and that was all I needed to hear. I was now pregnant with twins! I asked Nick, “Did you really mean it when you said you loved me? Because now I’m preg”. Nick cut me off and said, “You must be stupid. Ha, somebody like me is supposed to like you? I never even liked you, you were just easy to get”. I could not believe what I was hearing and said, “God damn it, I am tired of being treated like a dog, I am somebody. I’ve been treated wrong my entire life. It’s not fair I have to get mistreated because of my skin color. This is not slavery time! I should be treated just as well as anyone else.
I thought that you and I had something going for the both of us. I was in it for love while you were only in it for sex, money, and drugs. Nick replied and said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I just don’t have those same feelings as you have for me. Besides I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with a nobody. I just could not understand. I wanted to be treated as fair as anybody else was treated. I started crying and left the presence of Nick.
I was now able to go into labor, I had twins. One twin did not make it while the other twin did. I was going to name her two babies Dena and Lena. Dena died and I felt so hurt. I knew that if nobody loved me, my two daughters Dena and Lena would have. Now, I did not know what I was going to ever tell my daughter Len about her twin sister Dena. I did not know how I was going to supply for me and my child. I did not even know where we were going to live.
One Sunday, I took Lena to church. The church was called “True Foundation”. I was able to meet the Bishop of the church. His name was Bishop Jones. He was so nice to me. He told me “welcome to true foundation. I hope you enjoy yourself here and I hope you will make this church your church home. I did not know what to say. I just began to tell the Bishop all about her problems, and yes he did pity me. He told me that I was able to sleep inside of the church if that was what I needed and he told me that he would buy me some food whenever I needed it. The main words that stuck out to me were when the Bishop said, “anything you might just want or need, I will get it for you”. I never in her life felt so loved by a person.
At the end of the service, I gave my life over to God and I joined the church. I never went to a place where people showed so much love towards me. I loved my fellow churchmen and churchwomen. I told the Bishop, “I feel blessed”. The Bishop quoted my favorite scripture. Romans chapter 8 verse 28, “And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them that are the called according to his purpose”. I felt excited because my Bishop just quoted my favorite scripture.
Meanwhile, at night time, I began to ask God for deliverance. I still had not recovered from crack or drinking. I began to tell God about all of my problems. I began to say, “Lord, I can’t do this all on my own. I need you in my life oh God. I am trying. I am a single mother. No one loves me. God I need you”. After saying all of those words, I heard someone’s voice, “Hello”. I realized that I forgot to lock the doors of the church. I was so busy praying and crying out to God. “Hello”, the person said again. I realized that it was a man speaking by the tone of his voice. I hid my baby Lena in one of the pews, and then I picked up a bible and started walking toward the young gentleman standing by the door way.
He was tall and skinny. He had a nice haircut, he had on some blue denim jeans and he had on some tumblings. I asked the man, “May I help you sir”? “I’m sorry, my name is Matt. I was just walking by and I heard you crying out loud and I just stopped by and when I twisted the door knob, the door was unlocked. “Well can you go now”? I said. “I can go, but it won’t be right if I leave”. I replied, “What do you mean?” “I mean that it seems like you have been going through a lot of stuff, and that you need somebody to love you. I thought that what was happening now was weird and said, “You don’t even know me. You don’t know what I need. I opened up my mouth and said how am I supposed to marry you just like that”?
I know for sure that I don’t need another man in my life.” Matt replied and said, “One man’s lost can be another man’s treasure. I thought that was true. “Well”, I said. “Well, I like you Matt said”. I replied, “How can you say that when you just met I and you just walked in these doors just now”? “Actually, I was in the church service earlier and I seen you give your life over to God. It was great to see that happen and you also became a member of this church which I am also. If you don’t mind, may I ask you your name”? “My name is Tyanna”. Matt replied and said, “that is a beautiful name, and you are beautiful as well.” I was shocked at what Matt just said. “Well, um would you um”. I did not know what to say. I was amazed that someone that she did not know started telling her good things about herself. Matt finally asked Tyanna the best question any man should ask a woman. “Tyanna will you marry me”? I, once again did not know what to say.
We really haven’t even talked yet. I just don’t want to continue to get hurt because of the way I look. I don’t want to make a mistake and say yes, and then I start to get treated like a dog. I”. Matt interrupted Tyanna and said, “One man’s trash can be another’s man treasure. I started to think and said out loud, “Why do you want to marry me? Aren’t there girls that are prettier than me and lighter than me? Matt started to get furious because he just could not understand why I continued to put myself down. Matt replied and said, “No, you are beautiful. You should let no one have you to second guess who you are in life.
I want to marry you. Not because of your beauties on the outside but because of that special person on the inside. You are beautiful inside and out. After hearing those encouraging words, I gave up and told Matt yes, she would marry him. Matt and I got married and had another child. I named her Aleona. By the time I had Aleona, Lena was 13 years old. After I had my daughter, I was able to afford a babysitter to watch my two daughters, Lena and Aleona. I was able to go to college. I attended Princeton University and was able to become an employments right lawyer. My husband Matt attended Harvard University and was able to become a psychiatrist. Both Matt and I had great jobs to supply for our family.
Matt and I attended the same church they met each other at. By the time Lena was 30, Matt and I sent her to Yale University, and Lean became an archaeologist. By the time Aleona was 30, Matt and I sent her to Howard University, and Aleona became a registered nurse. Mr. and Mrs. Livingston were now old in age. Matt Livingston died at age 84 on April 25, 2006. I was devastated. The love of my life was now dead. Before I died at age 90,I remembered my life growing up as a little girl and being the woman I was now. I opened my mouth for the last time and said, “I am grateful for everything I had while living on this earth.
I am grateful that I had the best husband a woman would ask for. I am grateful that I had 3 daughters, Deena, Lena, and Aleona. I will miss you all. After saying what she said, I closed my eyes and my daughter saw a tear fall from my eyes. They automatically knew that their mom died with joy. Lena and Aleona continued the legacy that both their dead parents, Matt and Tyanna Livingston left for them. Lena and Aleona were both dark skinned just like their mom Tyanna, but now they knew that they were beautiful in their own ways just like their mom.
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