Finally, she saw just who she was looking for. An old, maybe even ancient, couple. There they were, doing just what Lindsey thought they would be doing. They were sitting on a bench in Anthony Park feeding birds. They were that kind of old where their knuckles were about twice the size of their fingers, and they looked like twigs that could break under the weight of a butterfly. Hiding behind an oak tree that wasn’t quite as wide as she was, Lindsey studied the old couple. Their movements were so strained, so slow. It was obvious that even just getting bird seed out of the bag was hard for them, and even harder for them to throw it. Instead of tossing it, it was more like they just dropped it, causing the birds to crowd around their feet.
After watching this for a while Lindsey decided it was time to approach them. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out from behind the oak tree and walked towards the old couple.

“Hello. I am Lindsey Gallant and I am here to ask you a few questions,” she said loudly and forcefully, “first, what are your names? Full names please, not just Mr. and Mrs. Ready?”
At first the couple looked startled, then, after an awkwardly long pause, the woman smiled. It too was strained, giving Lindsey the impression that this woman did not get to smile very often. The man stayed quiet while the women said in a shaky voice, “My name is Carol Elizabeth Seradan-Shepard, but Carol is fine. You look an awful lot like my daughter, Katherine. My, was she beautiful…”
Carol began to mumble after the word “daughter,” Lindsey had to strain to hear the rest, and still couldn’t tell if she said “beautiful” or “dutiful.” Lindsey wrote down what she could understand in the notepad that she had been taking with her to these interviews.
Carol was still mumbling something to herself. Lindsey could tell that there were words hidden in those mumbles, she just didn’t know what those words were. The husband put his head down now and seemed to just stare at the ground blankly.

“Nice to meet you, Carol. Second question. How did you and…your husband meet?”
Carol choked on her breath and said, “You can call him Craig. He, he…he was a good friend of my, my good friend. We met at a hospital actually, what a day that was…”
Carol trailed off in mumbles again. Lindsey took notes of what she could make out again, which wasn’t very much, just the words “Handsome” and “sad.”
Lindsey wanted to ask more questions, but she got the feeling it was something Carol wanted to keep to herself. Lindsey didn’t think it was a very important question anyway, she didn’t think how someone meets could affect the love, or lack thereof, they have for someone.
“Okay, thank you. Now, my third and most important question,” began Lindsey. “Are you in love?”
This finally got the intention of Craig. He slowly raised his head and turned towards Carol. He was waiting for an answer.
“Now, my goodness Dear, I’ve become very tired all of a sudden. I will be here tomorrow if you want to finish up then, but I must be getting some rest now if I want to have energy for you and these birds tomorrow. Another day, Katherine.”
Carol stood up. First, she had to lift her behind off the bench and straighten her legs. After a few seconds of groans, she straightened her back. She said goodbye and began to walk down the path. Craig stayed, staring straight ahead as if hypnotized. Lindsey thought it was best to leave him alone. Besides, her mom told her not to talk to men by herself. She gave him a half smile and a small wave, which he did not acknowledge, and she walked home. It was only a short ten minute walk before she would be home. Lindsey loved these walks back home because it gave her time to think about the people she had met and what they’ve told her. Today, she didn’t learn very much because Carol didn’t want to share, or was tired. Instead, she thought about walking this same path with her dad. They would come to the park once a month after school, and he would push her on the swings, back and forth until it became dark and they would walk home on the same path that Lindsey walked home after her interviews. It was one of the only times she got to spend time with her dad alone, that and the ice cream trips. Now, she has no times with her dad, instead she has time alone to think about how he left her.
Walking in the door she was greeted by silence. Her mom was still at work, so she walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. It was almost time for dinner so Lindsey grabbed some Stouffer’s Mac and Cheese and put it in the microwave with a sigh. Looking at her notes from interviews past as well as that of Carol, Lindsey couldn’t decide what she believed. On one hand, there are people like Carol and her husband who are together but maybe not happy, or so it seemed, and there’s people who are super happy and seemingly in love. Lindsey could tell that there was something off about Carol and Craig because of the way Carol avoided the question. Everyone else who says yes says it right away, but Carol didn’t. Also there are people like her parents, so out of love they can’t even pretend anymore. To Lindsey, it just doesn’t make any sense. Stuck in her thoughts she wandered over to the couch to turn on the TV and flip though channels until her mom gets home an hour or two later.
When Lindsey’s mom finally comes home from work at about eight o’ clock Lindsey is still watching TV, The Parent Trap, and chooses not to acknowledge her mom’s entrance.
“Hey Lindsey, how was your day today? Did you have fun at Lizzie’s?” Her mom said while putting her briefcase down, waiting for an answer she looks at Lindsey expectantly.
“Uhmm…oh yeah, I had fun. We watched UP, you know that one with the wrinkly old guy? It was kinda sad…and weird.”
Lindsey’s mom smiled at her, didn’t say anything, and went to her office and got on the computer to work some more. It was about eight o’clock now, her mom always worked late since the divorce a few months ago. She kept telling Lindsey it was so she could afford to buy her things, but she always said she couldn’t afford to buy anything. Lindsey hasn’t gotten new clothes in months, and whenever she brings it up when they are at Target her mom says she doesn’t have enough money. This never made sense to Lindsey, if they don’t buy anything where could her money be going?
The divorce wasn’t a friendly one, causing a great loss of money from both parents. Both parents got lawyers, well, her mom tried to get a lawyer. Her mom had a really pretty lawyer who always wore nice skirts, and her dad had a tall man who always wore gray suits. They could have been siblings they looked so much alike. A few days after Lindsey met the pretty lawyer lady her mom was crying on her desk because she couldn’t afford her. She said Lindsey’s father was going to win, but Lindsey never even understood the game.
After watching TV for a while and ignoring her messy room she promised to clean, Lindsey turned off the TV and went upstairs, trying not to let the stairs creak, which was impossible in this old house. She went into her room and then into her closet to study her notes from the past few weeks. She had a walk-in closet that was her secret space. Her mom promised she wouldn’t go in there and no one else would, so Lindsey was able to do whatever she wants. Lindsey had new decorations up on the walls, split pictures of her parents ripped right down the middle. The pictures of her mom were on the left side of the wall and of her dad on the right.
There was only one picture still intact, it was from Lindsey’s 9th birthday at Anthony Park. It was the only day they stopped arguing. They weren’t happy, they just stopped arguing for that “special day”. The scene was perfect, Lindsey had a brand new pink bike with steamers off the handlebars, the sun was shining and the sky was that perfect blue that you just can’t replicate. In the picture Lindsey was dressed in a cute yellow sundress and her parents both dressed in jeans and t-shirts of some kind. They both had their arms wrapped around Lindsey. At first glance they look like a happy family, but Lindsey is smiling with tears beginning to form around her eyes and neither of her parents have a real smile on their faces. Lindsey remembers crying like it was yesterday (it was only a year ago). She was crying because she knew it was the last time she would have a moment like this with her parents together. They were always fighting; she just knew that a divorce was going to happen. Her friend from school Brigitte said that her parents fought like that before their divorce, so Lindsey knew what was coming.
Brigitte got to live with both of her parents, switching on the weekends. She said she liked that better than when they were married. Lindsey could tell she was lying, but was still jealous. Lindsey hadn’t seen her dad since the divorce. He sent her a present once, from India. It was some weird sculpture of a girl with her tongue sticking out. He didn’t even write a letter explaining it, just this weird sculpture. Lindsey was thinking about the day she got that, she was so excited, she hadn’t heard from her dad in over a month. She wanted to know where he was, she wanted to know how he was doing, and most importantly when he was coming home, but she got none of her questions answered. She didn’t even get an “I love you.” Lindsey threw the sculpture in the trash that day and stormed into her room, and that’s when she added the new decorations to her wall in her closet. She was so mad and so confused. He didn’t care about her anymore so she decided she wouldn’t care about him.
After staring at that picture Lindsey decided it was time to go to bed before she started tearing up again, or before she ripped that picture as well. She walked out of her closet and climbed into her bed. Above her head was a canopy she had around her bed that had a picture of space and all the stars glowed in the dark. Laying there in the dark she stared at those stars and just kept thinking, until she fell asleep.
Her mom woke her up at nine Saturday morning before she went to work by kissing her on the cheek and telling her to do the dishes today. She said fine, and rolled over and buried her face in her pillow in an attempt to fall back asleep. It was no use, she was awake. She got up, got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. After eating a granola bar she looked at the dishes, decided she wasn’t going to do them, and walked out of her house backpack in hand. Her friend Angela, who used to live next to her, moved out at the end of the school year so she couldn’t play with her like she did everyday last summer. Lindsey walked past Angela’s house and towards Main Street. She told her mom she wouldn’t go anywhere, but her mom would never know, she was too busy with work all the time.
Heading over to the grocery store on the corner of her street, Coulson, and Main to buy a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream bar, she saw a young couple, probably only 16 years old. Lindsey didn’t want to ask them questions, she already knew their answers. Every teenage couple she interviewed always said they were madly in love, and would be forever and ever. She had about ten or fifteen interviews with couples just like that in her notebook already, so she just walked past them without stopping them. When she got to the store she was greeted by the cashier, who knew her by name.
“Hey Lindsey, another ice cream bar today? We just got in cookie-dough ones, maybe you want to give it a try?”
Lindsey met the cashier, Sarah, in an interview about a month ago. She said she believed in love, but said she kept falling out of love. That just never made sense to Lindsey. Anyway, ever since then she was always trying to get Lindsey to try something new, but she liked the brownie bars. It reminded her of when she and her dad would ride their bikes here and get them when he got back from a long day of work. So no, she would not be trying something new. Walking through the isles, heading straight for the back where the treats were, she saw the manager. Since this was a small store and not a major chain, everyone who worked there knew Lindsey. The manager knew her from another reason though, she was her mom’s best friend. Lindsey could usually avoid her but not today, she spotted her.
“Hey Lindsey, is your mom here?”
“No Miss Heady, she is at work. It was nice seeing you.” Lindsey tried to turn around quickly and leave before there were any more questions. Miss Heady would for sure tell her mom she saw her here.
“Wait!” she said just before Lindsey reached the doors, “don’t forget your brownie bar.” She said with a wink, and held the door open for Lindsey.
Lindsey could not figure out how she knew what she got, she hid from her every time. She hoped she wouldn’t tell her mother.

It was about noon now, Lindsey headed over to the park, it was too early to see Carol, and there were a few families there she could interview, but there was also a great swing set. She sat on the swing, half way pumping her legs. The swing was really noisy, creaking the whole time. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard, but it was just background noise to Lindsey. She was busy watching a family have a picnic on a park bench. It was the same bench where she celebrated her birthday, only this family looked really happy. Lindsey sat there, watching the parents chase around their two year old for what seemed like hours, but was really only one. Once she snapped out of it, she looked around the park. Slightly anxious to finish her interview with Carol she decided to head that way. She couldn’t see the bench from there so she got up and walked towards the bench where she met Carol and Craig. Carol was already there, an hour early. The sun was hiding behind the clouds now and the bench was in the shade, Lindsey grabbed her jacket out of her bag and put it on as she approached Carol.
“Hi Carol. Are you more awake yet?”
“Yes, Dear,” she began “Sit down now. You asked if we were in love, well that is a very complicated question, and to answer it I must really begin with how we met. I told you we met in a hospital, and that is correct, but not the whole story.
My husband George was in the hospital, he had just been shipped back from war with some minor injuries. When he got back, well, the minor became major all of a sudden, and there was a problem and…well he didn’t make it.”
Lindsey didn’t know what to say, everyone else had given her a yes or no answer, nothing like this. She began to say “Okay, but I am askin-“
Carol cut her off. “I know what you’re looking for Dear, but it is not that simple. I simply cannot tell you yes or no, you need to hear this if you want your answer. So, after I found out about George I just sat down in the waiting room and cried for hours. We were high school sweethearts, and then he was gone, just like that… Well there I was in the room and I realized my daughter, Katherine, was still in school. She didn’t know, I wish she could have been with me. She and her father were so close, best friends I would say. Katherine and I never got along like she did with him, never had the chance.
Anyway, I went to pick her up, in the middle of the day. When she got in my car she started crying because she knew why I was there, she just knew. We sat there in the school parking lot in my Chevy Belair. Later that day I got a call telling me to go pick up my husband’s belongings, his last few things. Off I went, leaving my daughter at home; she was seventeen so it was okay to leave her alone, it, it was okay… Well I got my husband’s watch, wallet, and worn pants he loved so much from the doctor, Craig. He gave me a hug and told me to call him if I need someone to talk to, I didn’t think I would. But…when I got home…well…when I got home….”
Carol’s voice was even shakier than normal now, she was beginning to cry. It was a small cry, like she didn’t have any tears left, like she ran out that day. Lindsey sat there, listening, not taking notes, just listening. She could tell that she wasn’t going to like what came next, that whatever it was, it was too sad, she didn’t want to hear it.
“When I got home, Katherine, Katherine was upstairs and, and, well, she, she was gone. Just gone.”
Lindsey shook her head no.
“I won’t go into details Dear. I called Craig that night, I didn’t know what to do, I had no one else to talk to, my family was gone and I saw his card sitting on the table. Those are the circumstances under which we met.”
Lindsey was tearing up now, but trying to hold it back. She was conducting an interview here, she couldn’t be losing her professionalism like this.
“I am sorry, oh dear, perhaps you are too young to hear this…Craig is a good man, he took care of me, he takes care of me. He has never been anything but kind and sweet to me, and he loves me dearly I can tell you that. I do think that I love him, but I don’t think I am in love with him. I think he knows that, I’ve never told him, but I think he knows. I can never stop loving George, he was my one and only, and I am Craig’s. It is an unfair world, always tearing good things apart, but it heals with a scar.”
Lindsey couldn’t imagine being Carol, she lost her whole family, Lindsey began thinking about her mother, about how she left without doing the dishes.
Lindsey, now sitting next to Carol, began to open her mouth as if to speak but couldn’t find words. Instead, she just sat there.
After a few minutes of silence Carol began, “Katherine, you dyed your hair. Why, I much prefer you as a blonde, you looked more like your father like that.”
“Carol, I’m Lindsey, not Katherine. Remember?”
Carol didn’t respond, instead she just stared straight ahead with tears finally forming in her eyes.
Lindsey looked ahead, as if hypnotized, and decided to let herself cry for the first time in a long time.