I want to communicate something that can’t be explained with the standard form of language

I don’t have the correct grammar or the knowledge of this language that I love. His name is English and I love to write stuff in his language. I like to analyze and interpret the things I write as if it was me who never wrote. No one else understands what I write because it doesn't make sense: it’s not structured to fit in a place. My English grade is below 0%

I will be judged all the time by the incompressible feelings I write. I know I will continue learning how to write effectively. This whole paragraph took me longer than any ever written novel. It feels like performing live. I just know I won't stop writing, please don't judge me.