More often than I’d like to admit, I’m alone with my thoughts, listening to the quiet and pondering all of the philosophical questions that a teenage girl can ponder. Among these questions and quite possibly the most frequent is “If I was to choose one quote to amount to the sum of every meaningful moment or thought I have had in my life, what would it be?”

Today, after a long thirty seconds of intense contemplation, I reluctantly decided that I had found the answer to this question: “When I grow up, I’m going to look like a Barbie doll.”

I, having lived only a small amount of time in comparison to an adult, find it easy to admit that this one quote can’t possibly be too meaningful (taking into consideration that I hopefully have sixty more years left on this Earth). All the same, I am ashamed and humored to admit that little five-year-old me had thoughts of this nature. It’s too shallow, too stupid, too naive a thought to have come from the mind of mature, composed, and brilliant me.
(Note sarcasm.)

Nevertheless, I have to be a little easier on five-year-old me, because no five-year-old could ever have the wisdom or experience to know that you don’t automatically become a coffee-drinking, makeup-wearing, boy-dating woman as soon as you blow out thirteen candles. The entire process of entering teenager-hood is a bit more complex than that. There is no tour guide that greets you with a 3D-white smile and brochure that says “Hello, former child, and welcome to the Bustling Metropolis of Teenage Life.” There is never going to be a morning that you wake up with a three-inch waist and 100-inch hips. You’re never going to miraculously transform into a new and improved you.
Instead of these “Zero to Hero” fantasies, you’ll most likely wake up with a large red pimple on your chin and several reasons why you don’t want to get out of bed, including but not limited to a) the amount of sleep you managed to cram in the previous night (or lack thereof) b) your appearance c) your ideal significant other who has neglected to acknowledge your existence (and who, according to reality, will not suddenly reveal his or her secret crush on you like Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles). Despite your valiant attempts to pretend that this part of your life is merely a transition between childhood and adulthood, you’ll eventually surrender into admitting to yourself that these days of acne, coffee addiction, drama, and emotional instability are just as much a chapter of your life as graduating from a crib to a twin bed was or raising your children will be.

It’s not going to be the easiest chapter, and most likely not your favorite, but it’s going to be seven years long and permanently engraved in your memory, so you may as well make the best of it. Enjoy the countless breakdowns and mood swings, because there is going to come a time when you’ll have to be the strong, Emotionally Stable One, and you’ll have to conceal them. Embrace your body and all of its flaws, because it’s yours, which makes is eccentric, beautiful, and special all at the same time. Savor the constant need to reach for the sky, because there is no better motivation than fear of failure.

In conclusion to my endless babble directed at every teenager who has ever felt alone, distressed, or unprepared for the life that has hit them like a truck on the freeway, here is the introduction to Teenage Life that I never had the chance or privilege of receiving:

“Hello, former child, and welcome to The Bustling Metropolis of Teenage Life, where you’ll gather every valuable experience you’ll require to have success in The Calm Suburbs of Adult Life. Here, you may have the misfortune to experience the common emotions of loneliness, sorrow, anxiety, and discomfort, but you may also have the pleasure of experiencing joy, relief, hope, excitement, belonging, contentment, and many more. Watch out for the tempting demons of Slacking Off, Drug and Alcohol Abuse, Isolation, and The Hope to Someday Resemble a Barbie Doll. Have a wonderful stay in The Bustling Metropolis of Teenage Life, and be sure to pick up a brochure on your way past Customer Service.”

(In case you were wondering, I never did miraculously evolve to resemble a Barbie doll- nobody does.)