Nervous, dreading the moment I had to walk thru the door of my dentist to get my braces on. An hour had passed, my mouth was tight, in pain, I just wanted to go home and lay down but knowing when I got home I had lots of cleaning and unpacking to do. It was a painful car ride but I was finally home. I walked thru my front door to my house and immediately gulped down some ibuprofen to help with the pain, and went to unpack from my family's previous camping trip from the fourth of July we had just gotten home from last night.

Hours had gone by, almost done just wanting to relax, I hear a ring, ring, ring instantly knowing it was my ipad-ring, ring, ring it continues as i'm shuffling through everything on my bed to find it. I finally find it and I see it was my friend Molly facetiming me, which was usually normal for her to facetime me later in the evening around 5:00, so I answered as I normally would thinking she just wanted to talk, but I had no idea that what she was about to tell me would change my life forever.

She looked shocked on the verge of crying and I repeat “What, what, what!” knowing she’s normally not like this. All she said was “Go look at Zoe’s facebook page.” So immediately I do and I see is “RIP” all over her timeline and I didn’t know what to do, I thought it was a joke, there's no way that she could be dead. Molly had known Zoe from school, we all went to Kenowa. We were all good friends and liked hanging out with each other. So Molly’s mom called Zoe’s cousin and asked if it was true or if it was a joke but unfortunately it was true. I was in shock, I cried for a second but nothing more came out because I didn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it. This couldn’t be real I thought to myself. It felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest, I didn’t even get to say goodbye...it was so unreal. I didn’t know how my life was gonna go on without my bestfriend.
Zoe was 13 years old and was a beautiful, smart, energetic person. Zoe and I were on the same cheer team, because I forced her to do it with me, but she turned out loving it.  Zoe and I met in the 6th grade, we had the same teachers but we didn’t like each other all that well in the beginning but quickly became best friends. Zoe and I were attached at the hip, we hung out every weekend and were together everyday at school and were always partners in class. This began into the 7th grade, she was still my best friend, we were in cheer together, which she was amazing at. I remember watching her get skill by skill: I remember the night before tryouts she spent the night at my house and we practiced for the tryouts and she said “I’m probably not even gonna make it, i’m not even good.” and every time she would get a new skill I would say to her “And you thought you weren't going to make it” and she gave me the biggest, happiest smile. 

As the year went on I noticed that Zoe had kept getting more and more mature. She had been hanging out with a  few different people, dressing different, and I noticed, along with the maturing, how she was getting more and more depressed. She was being cyber bullied a lot on facebook, this is when I seen a lot of cutting all over arms and her and legs, which I thought about and I wanted to tell someone but I didn’t because I thought that if I told someone about her cuts then she would tell on me for cutting too and that would ruin our whole friendship.  But as the year went on the cuts got deeper and deeper, she would facetime me and show me, but I still never did anything about it. This lead to her committing suicide; I regret not telling anyone and everyday I will always feel like I could have done something to prevent this from happening, everyday I think in my head If on I would have told someone. This is the biggest regrets I have. I know we were only best friends for two years but, it felt like a lifetime. Zoe is always on mind, each and every day. Everything I do I’m always think about her, heaven gained a beautiful angel.

Looking back on this day, i've realized that this has changed me tremendously. I've changed in so many ways but the biggest change is that i've learned how to deal with death and a heartbreak because I lost my best friend, the person who made me who I am. This was my first friend death, my dad passed away a couple of years ago but it was nothing like the pain that this has caused me. My heart was and still is very broken.