I was 8 years old when I realized death is not fair and God cannot save everyone. It was a typical Sunday, my dad and I went to church first thing in the morning and afterwards we always came home to the delicious smell of waffles on the griddle and bacon on the stove. My brothers were still asleep as I crept upstairs not trying to wake the beasts. Later in the afternoon, my family and the Ryan’s, family friends of ours, went to the concert in the park and sat for hours listening to the old time bands and eating barbeque. As soon as we got home the telephone rang, my mom answered and my brothers and I were told to go up stairs to watch a movie. I immediately knew something was wrong. I peaked down from the top of the stairs, seeing my mom curdled up in the arms of my dad on the tattered couch in the living room. Tears ran down her face as she hung up the phone.

“She’s gone.”, she said to my dad gasping for her breath. I scurried back to my brother’s room fearing they would see me spying on them. A little over 15 minutes later they both came upstairs and explained to us that my Grandma, one of the most wonderful women I have ever met, has passed away and gone to heaven. At first I couldn't make sense of what they were telling me, but as they explained it to me I came to my own understanding, that I will never be able to see her again and that she is gone forever. That Sunday in the middle of August still haunts me to this day.

My grandma was an inspiration to not only me but to anyone who met her. When my mom had just started college, my grandma was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and the spinal cord. She later became crippled and was restrained to a scooter. Even though she was faced with so many challenges everyday, she always was positive and took everything with great strides. She taught me that it was okay to be different and that it takes strength to overcome the trials that God will put in your way. She was one of the most tenacious and loving women I have ever known.

2 months later we were headed to Maryland for her funeral, and I had absolutely no interest in going. “It’s not fair, she was supposed to be here forever.” I cried to my mom as we were packing our bags. My mom then explained to me that my grandma will be happier in heaven; she will be able to walk and no longer be in pain. The thought that my grandma was in pain everyday of her life killed me. I felt selfish that wanted her to stay for me, and that I didn't even deserve her in the first place. I then began to feel angry and spiteful, God should have never let her become to sick and then just take her away with no warning. I looked at death and God in a pessimistic way and was unwilling to accept Him into my life. I regret that decision to this day.

The funeral home was a somber place. Silence ran rapid throughout, and everyone was acting as though they were walking on pins and needles. As I entered the room I saw my grandfather, Popop, was standing over my grandmas casket with an expression on his face that I had never seen before. Tears filled his eyes but a modest grin grew on his face. He loved her, he really did. My Popop had accepted that she is now gone and that she would want him to be happy. It may have not been fair to take her away, but it was her time and he knew that.

Death is never fair, however sometimes it is for the best. God works in mysterious ways, whether you want him to or not. It took me a long time to accept that is was my grandma’s time to move on and go to heaven. My Popop taught me something without me even realizing it. I needed to accept death into my life because there is no running from it. When someone leaves your life, you should be content with all the things you have done and all the memories you have made with them. Without using any words my grandfather gave the most important advice that I will ever receive.