Lao Tzu once stated, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” (“Love Quotes”). Love causes people to go to extremes for the other person, but true love is something everyone is seeking. True love sees all flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings yet loves despite all the bad things. I have yet to experience love like that; to be honest, I have never seen love like that. Upon my quest for true love, I have come across three main types of men that I do not ever want to meet again: the beater, the hypocrite, and the manipulator.

Approximately ten million children witness some form of domestic violence annually, and those who witness it are twice as likely to experience it themselves (“Domestic Violence Statistics”). Unfortunately, I am partially included in that statistic. After my parents’ divorce when I was five, a strange man named Ronald moved in with me, my sister, and my mom. He was OK at first, but he soon became the nightmare I nicknamed the Beater. At first he was demanding, but he soon began yelling and calling my mom awful names. He would get mad whenever my mom would buy things my sister and I needed. It was not long after that I began to see the bruises. I remember the first time I saw him hit my mom like it was yesterday. My mom and I were in the kitchen talking about our day, and Ronald came out of the bedroom demanding my mom make him coffee. When my mom told him to wait a minute, he slapped her in the face. My sister and I ran to our bedrooms and cried. After that day, I swore to myself that I would never date a man who hits me, a beater. To this day, I have kept that promise to myself.

Another type of guy I would never date again is a hypocrite. During my junior year of high school, I met a boy named David whom I will soon nickname the Hypocrite. He was very religious and had ambitions of becoming a youth pastor, and he had a good family history. He seemed like a breath of fresh air for me. That did not last long after we began dating. He soon became very critical of my behavior. He would critique my every reaction and decision that he did not think was “right.” Things boiled over one day when I went to his house to surprise him, and I caught him watching porn. I was very upset to say the least. I was not mad that he was watching it, but I was angrier that he constantly judged me when he was doing worse things. We had a big fight and broke up. Two months after our break up, I learned that he and his “new” girlfriend were celebrating their four month anniversary.

Finally, in my most recent relationship, I dated a boy I would soon nickname the Manipulator. I met ****** October of 2013. He was studying to be a firefighter, and I was here to transfer to ECU. I was instantly charmed by his rugged, southern disposition. My parents loved him, and I was thrilled. We lost our virginity to one another, but soon after, things started going bad. After months of saying, “I love you,” to one another he told me he did not know if he really loved me. Two weeks later, he dumped me. I was devastated. I felt so stupid and violated. I gave the one and only thing that was truly mine to him. I began seeing what was right in front of me after that. He used me, and it has taken me a long time to forgive myself. He left an impression on me that I will not soon forget, and sometimes I still feel heartbroken.

I learned big things from each of these relationships that I will not soon forget. From the beater, I learned how I should be treated by a man and how I should treat a man. I learned relationships are give and take. I have to give respect to earn it, and if a man does not respect me, to leave him. I believe every woman should have a man who holds her when she is crying, make her laugh when she is mad, and smile with her when she is happy. I do not believe a man should ever lay his hands on the woman he claims to love. If a man lays his hands on a woman, he does not really love her. The same goes for women too. When I get in a relationship, I expected to be treated like a lady. I expect to be hugged, kissed, and spoken softly to. In return, I will give him love and treat him with respect. I will listen and be understanding. I get very sad when I hear domestic violence stories, but it breaks my heart when I realize how many more are going unreported. In reports from ten different countries, fifty-five to ninety-five percent of women who were physically abused by their partners never contacted authorities or shelters for help (“Domestic Violence Statistics”).

From the hypocrite, I learned to not be a hypocrite. I try to mean everything that I say, and I try not to judge people when they make mistakes. I know I am not perfect, and I know I will make mistakes. Who am I to judge others who make mistakes? All I can do is listen and offer advice.

Finally, from my relationship from the manipulator, I learned about forgiveness. I learned how to forgive other and myself. It has taken a long time for me to forgive myself, and sometimes I still beat myself up over my stupidity. I cried every night for months, and I was clearly not happy. I finally realized that millions of girls make the same mistake, and that I must forgive myself to move on. I deserve to be happy and being sad all the time means that he won. I learned how to be tough. I now realize that I must pick up and move on.

“Everyone has a past, but that’s just it—it’s in the past. You can learn from it, but you can’t change it.” Best-selling author, Nicholas Sparks, once stated. This quote best sums up everything I just wrote. While I have not always had things easy, I must move on. I know what to do now to make things better. I have learned from these boys what type of man I do not want, but I want to discuss what I do want. I want someone who is hard-working, honest, sweet, loyal, and understanding. That is all I can really ask for. I know I do not want encounter a beater, a hypocrite, or a manipulator again.


Work Cited
“Domestic Violence Statistics.” Domestic Violence Statistics. N.p., 2014. Web. 14 Apr. 2014.
“Love Quotes.” Brainy Quotes. Xplore, n.d. Web. 12 Apr. 2014