Looking back, it seems like you were right. I never put anything forward - but neither did you. Though at least I knew where you stood. As for me, you just never knew. . .and I didn't intend on telling you. Yes, I hid from you. Why? Because I was afraid. Afraid of you, afraid of love, afraid of being vulnerable. I was never afraid of getting hurt; I was terrified that I would be immune to the pain I knew was supposed to be there. But as I watched you walk out of my life, I remember standing there crying. I knew it was my fault. I was a liar because I was silent. It hurt. Something finally hurt. Something inside of me finally broke. I finally cried for a reason that I understood. And I laughed - because it felt so good to feel. So good to understand my tears.
It's easy to say I never decided how to feel about you. Falling for you was like tripping on a cement block and falling into a fire. I didn't mean to. I'm a klutz. And I was burned. You were the most irritating thing I had ever come face to face with. &When you started to figure me out; I hated you for it. You were the fear I wouldn't confess to - The one I always chose to fight. &You were my reason to smile. The cause of sleepless nights. You were what I couldn't stay mad at. The one that taught me how to feel. The way you got under my skin. . .I never said thank you for that.