"I was finally free of his abuse and could venture out to find happiness." So this being the last line of my blog referring to my first serious relationship, shows just how wrong I was when I jumped into my next relationship.

As humans, once we have fled a bad situation, it almost always seems that the world is going against us and throws us into another bad scenario. For me, it's almost as if no matter how hard I try, the world knocks me back onto my butt again and laughs.

Freshly out of an abusive relationship, I found myself rather lonely and hurt. I needed someone to comfort me and make me feel "special" again. I guess my mistake being the need to always be admired, leads me to my next trap much like a mouse being lead to what they thought would be their prize.

He was one of my best guy friends, and I had always known that he liked me. He was upfront about his feelings, and didn't let that come in between our friendship. I guess one of the things that most attracted me to him was how determined he was to date me.

We tried dating a couple of times, but it always ended up being too awkward, until one day something finally clicked. From that moment on, we would date for one year. After our relationship ended, we were on a constant rollercoaster, and to be quite honest, to this day I know he still has feelings for me.

It was an amazing relationship in the start, up until a few months in. He was such a good boyfriend to me, so good that his friends would call him "whipped". After all of the bullying from his buddies, I figure this is where he snapped.

It started out with small little things like, ditching me at lunch, or flirting with other girls, but soon progressed into a full blown nightmare. If it weren't for Myspace, nobody would know that we were dating. He was never around me, and if he was, it looked as if he was dying of boredom. The old boyfriend was gone, and he was replaced with a cold, and heartless man.

As summer rolled along, our "love" was plummeting to an all time low, and I still was determined to keep our relationship strong. From being a once clean, and happy guy, he turned into a "partier", and for him it was (as he put it), "Bros before Hoes." What a keeper right?

I would call him to make plans, and the rare occasion that he would answer his phone, I could hear girls in the background laughing, and then his muffled voice as he didn't realize he answered the phone. After he would finally realize, he would instantly hang up, and then turn off his phone.

There were times where he would tell me to meet him somewhere in town, and I would literally wait all day for him to come. Finally, as darkness started taking over the sky I would go him... alone.

Now besides being left behind, he also brought out the worst in me. A healthy relationship should enrich both of your lives, but if every second of every day you are sad or angry, it should be time to get out. The rare times in which we spoke on the phone, he would scream at me for stupid things. If a boy talked to me, just a simple "hey!" pushed him over board. He didn't want me around, but he didn't want me with someone else either. Now after feeling guilty, for just saying hi to people, a year later I find out that he cheated on me. So naturally when I found out the news, I did what any self respecting woman would do, I punched him in the face. Oh, and I was in my cheer leading uniform!

For the following year he verbally harased me, and pushed me into cutting and Bulimia. I couldn't take his verbal abuse, so I developed unhealthy ways to cope.
I went from being beat straight into being neglected, and that left my confidence shattered. Now being three years since we dated, I can say with a smile on my face.. he's definitely kicking himself in the butt.