Click clack go the keys on the keyboard of my laptop, like a melody that I compose every time I open up my computer. It’s always different, the keys being pressed down never sounds quite exactly the same as they did before, creating a new symphony time after time.. but what if the music stopped? No figurative crickets chirping in the background like there’d be in some comedic TV show – just silence: pure, unaltered, deafening silence.

I find that I often ask myself the question of “what would I do without certain things in my life,” and the answer to that is unclear, it always has been and likely always will be. There is no real way to know or gauge just how different your life will be without something in it unless you remove that ‘something’ entirely. 

Let’s imagine a day where that were to truly happen, if I forgot my computer. What would I do with that time usually filled by hours staring at a screen, typing endlessly without any true end goal? Waking up to see the usual ‘are you still watching’ screen mocking me on my television because I fell asleep watching my favorite show. There’s clamoring upstairs from my family waking up, I roll over in my bed and grab my phone (which blinds me) and see the time is 6:03 in the morning. 

I then zip up my bag, throwing it over my shoulder and I'm already out the door– wait. What am I forgetting? My laptop. All of that time spent doing homework, piles and piles of research compacted all onto this miniscule screen that makes my eyes hurt isn’t there. The day is boring: instead of my eyes hurting from staring at a screen they’re swimming as are my thoughts, staring at paper not knowing what to jot down and what to not, my vision blurring from looking and overanalyzing it for way too long.

Without my computer I’m more boring than I am already, no possible way I’d be able to jot all my thoughts that pop up in my head that quickly with just the movement of my hands – though it’s funny: isn’t that what typing is? Using your hands in order to create something interesting and entertaining for the sake of yourself and others, using the search engine to find something that’s been stuck in your head for 2 weeks yet you just can’t seem to find it ever again! So what’s the difference? The difference between writing something down on paper and typing it up on a blank document? The difference is I can confidently put myself and my writing up on display for other people to see.

And then I'm finally home. The anxiety, the fear, it all just washes away the moment I open up my laptop. The moment I sit down at my desk and begin composing the sweet music that comes from the keyboard once more, everything feels like it’ll be okay again.