I’m on chapter 5 of 'A room of one’s own' by Virginia Woolf and here are the thoughts that occurred in my mind during the reading.

Firstly, I should mention how long I have been reading this book and why I regret not having swallowed it immidiately. Probably, I first opened the book at the beginning of July. Therefore, it has been a month and I have not finished it yet. As a result, now it is difficult for me to remember the sequence of my thoughts all over again. That being said, it is not of any use to retell the process of thinking in my mind, so I will provide you with my latest thoughts and ideas.

Whatever the reason, I have never been eager to uncover the biographies of female writers. Happily, this book provided me with them and awakened rebellious ideas in my mind. Having found out about the upsetting necessity of women to write in disguise and being strongly critised, I was impressed by the courage and persistence of those women. It was Jane Austen’s way to hide and be shy of her writing that is so familiar to me. 'Without boasting or giving pain to the opposite sex, one may say that Pride and Prejudice is a good book. At any rate, one would not have been ashamed to have been caught in the act of writing Pride and Prejudice. Yet Jane Austen was glad that a hinge creaked, so that she might hide her manuscript before anyone came in.' This reminds me of myself closing the notebook with my story and switching to Google like I am doing something normal, not writing (what a shame that would be!), when someone came into the room. Despite writing not being a disgraceful activity at all, I feel like neither my family nor my friends should see my stories. I can calmly and confidently show my pieces of writing and my ideas to absolute strangers, but sharing what is inside me with familiar people seems awkward and scary. As if they will know that I am not what I claim to be. So I do not open my mind to them for fear they might change their perception of me, and, subsequently, their attitude towards me. They will treat me with all that criticism they believe an artist deserves. 

But in the continuation of the quote Virginia Woolf asks, “would Pride and Prejudice have been a better novel if Jane Austen had not thought it necessary to hide her manuscript from visitors?”. From my perspective, there might be a difference, because from my own experience, frequent interrupting and fear of being caught in writing creates a mess and chaos in one’s head. This leads to irretrievable loss of the thought and the longer time required to write a single piece. These are the only drawbacks I can think of. In general, I am not convinced that my writing is much affected by interrupting, except the latter’s effect on my emotional state.

Finally, I reached the part of the book where the author says, “Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind”. This was impressive, I thought and went on reading. But then I decided to stop and think about it. “There is no lock that you can set upon the freedom of my mind”. I realised that some people have actually been trying to do so by creating limits for me. My parents have been telling me not to say aloud everything I have on my mind. My peers have been laughing at my ideas. My grandparents have been trying to make me a more obedient and quiet girl. My teachers have been condemning my beliefs. Little by little, I myself began to limit the flow of my thoughts if they ‘would not be useful for society’. And now, the confidence and willingness to write are boiling inside me.

I do not want to hide my potential anymore. 

I do not want to constrain myself.

I will write for my own sake only.

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind” will be my anthem for the rest of my life.