Sometimes I have my head filled with questions about the existence of the world and its meaning and it drives me crazy, sometimes we don’t realize what we have in front of us, what I mean by that it’s that when sometimes we have a problem we see it as a problem, and we don’t ask ourselves if that situation is trying to teach us something. That’s what happened to me at a very young age.

When I was little i was happy, i was a girl filled with dreams, hopes and i lived on my own little own world of fantasy, i thought that everything in the world was good and that there was not such thing as cruelty.

I spent many afternoons playing with my dog Chispita (Sparkles), she was the “person” that would always be there for me, she wold always make my days better, i really miss all those memories, i wish I could go back to the good old times.
Another memory that I have is that when I went to visit my mom i would run free on the paddock, with my brother and sister, Juan y Valeria, we would tell lame jokes and wait too see the sunset, feeling the fresh air, the grass tickling between out toes, hearing the birds sing. Those were special moments that would always be in my heart.

All those good memories from my childhood are something that no one can take away from, they’re just mine, and I like that. I’ll always think about them when I'm having a bad day and i remember the reason why I’m here.

All the happiness went away when the monsters came into my life. Everything stared to get dark inside me, I felt empty and disgusted with myself. What hurt me the most was that those monsters were people i trusted, people that I felt protected, but they became the most heartless people on earth. They were four monsters, and they damaged me at different times, but they kept going, everything started when I was 8 years old, until I saw around 12.

The fist monster that started, told me it was normal, and I agreed, and i didn’t told anyone because i was afraid, and then the other monsters came and i was accustomed to it. When i grew older the pain became bigger. I had to pretend that i was a happy girl and that nothing was happening to me.

Waking up was a constant battle, I didn’t had any privacy, they just came and did whatever they wanted with me, and when they left my eyes filled with tears. I was tired of feeling those disgusted hands on my body. I was ashamed of myself, I thought that no one would ever love me again that i was worthless.

Many times i tried to end my life, I was tired of it. I found refuge in pills, drinks, and anything that could take me away from my reality, anything that could take the pain away.

I never told anyone what was going on because I was scared that they wouldn’t believe and that they would hate me.

Those monsters transformed me in something evil, I start to see and think things that weren’t normal, i wasn’t innocent anymore, i was just a body with an empty soul. I had no love to give, all i had was regret, hate, and sadness inside.

Now that I look back at those moments, I wish I had made some different decisions, but it’s impossible, the only thing that I can do it learn from it.

Now that time has passed everything is better, I’ve healed many of my wounds, and I found people that love me and support me through everything, those monsters are where they have to be, paying for all the damage that they caused me and my family and all they things that they took away from me. I’m pretty sure that the good thing that i can take out of those bad moments, is that they help me to become who I am today, a strong and smart woman. I must keep going on with my life, looking forward to becoming better.
That was a bad chapter in my life, and that doesn’t define me. I am more than that.