Throughout my childhood, I thought my cousin Christine was just shy. It all started when I was eight. My Aunt Diana, who is Christine’s mother, had to always order Chris’ food for her when we went out to eat. Chris was about eleven at this time, so I thought it was odd how I could order my own meal at dinner but she could not. All my cousins and siblings were able to speak for themselves. Why wasn’t she? That was the first time I knew something was different about my cousin Christine.

As I reflect and look back on my childhood memories, things start to make more sense. After my parents told me the truth about Christine when I was thirteen, my memories of her started fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. It was like a single puzzle piece was missing to an otherwise solved puzzle and I had finally found it. I had finally understood why Christine acted the way she did. Christine had an anxiety disorder called selective mutism. This disorder prevents Chris from speaking in social settings where she is uncomfortable and nervous.

Before I had found out the truth about Christine’s behavior, there were many other instances that were clues for my cousin’s unusual behaviors. One of these was the way my mother would talk to my siblings and me before we saw Christine.

  “Andrew, Michelle and Amy!” my mom exclaimed. “Can I talk to you guys?” she asked us.  We walked down our stairs to see what she wanted. She told us, “When we go over to Aunt Diana’s house, I want you all to play with Christine and make sure you spend lots of time with her please.” I could not understand why my mom asked us this. There were lots of other cousins that were coming over to Aunt Diana’s house. Why did we have to focus on just playing with Christine? I asked my mom this and she couldn’t answer the question, avoiding the discussion.

About a year later, when I was ten, another odd occurrence happened with Christine. I had been coloring with her at a table on summer vacation. Talkative as I am, I kept asking her questions about what it was like to be in middle school. She was thirteen years old, in her first year of middle school, fifth grade. I was intrigued and fascinated with middle school, since I would be stuck in elementary school for another three years. What was strange about this conversation with Chris were her responses. She would nod her head “yes” or “no” to questions she could answer with those replies. It was odd to me how she would not reply to me verbally. The questions I did ask her that had to be answered out loud, she simply did not acknowledge. I believed that I had offended her in some way, she was mad at me or perhaps I was just being too annoying.

When I was twelve, an experience happened that my belief that Christine was different than me and my siblings hinged on. My sister Michelle was a freshmen in high school at this time, the same age as Christine. At a family Thanksgiving celebration dinner, my cousins, siblings and I were all sitting on the couch playing board games. Michelle was talking about her experiences at her new school and all the new people she had met. I thought it was odd how Christine had not mentioned her new high school in New Jersey that she was attending. Michelle and Christine were just a month apart in age, so why was Michelle so much more outgoing and talkative about school but Christine wasn’t.

That was the last memory I have of Christine’s behavior before my parents finally had told me about Christine’s selective mutism.

Then, my parents had told me about what was really going on with Christine. This opened my eyes in many ways. I had understood why Christine acted the way she did around us. Also, I had learned not to make assumptions about a person. I believed that Christine was awkward or just didn’t like to be around our family. But, that was the opposite of the truth. She did the best she could for the situation she was in. This taught me that I do not know what someone is going through, so to not assume things about them without knowing the full story. Knowing the truth about Christine allowed me to learn life lessons that I can still apply to my life today and always will.