Wow, it’s crazy how much I feel out of place: like an outsider, a nobody. I can’t come close to others without feeling like an intruder.

Friday, we played Lake City for their homecoming; I only played for 4 minutes, and I did horrible, but since we won everyone was in a great mood, everyone except me. I felt like I was in the wrong place.
Now I’m sitting on the bus on our way back home. As I sit here looking out the window, I write this, feeling like they all see right through me, like I’m the window, joking and chatting loudly with all the others. Yet, I sit here trying to stay out of the way so others can have their fun. I have always felt like I shouldn’t be here, in the way of all others. Like the moments I sit there, in the same crowd as many and yet, I know that I’m lonely, left out, with no one to speak with.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the one pushing others out or possibly hiding. I don’t know and I can’t say, so I stay out of the way.
Even at home I’m out of place. I’ve never liked hunting or fishing, yet my whole family does. I can’t fit in
It’s impossible to converse with others when you know you have nothing in common.
Yet I try.
I try to make friends to find someone like me. They all say it’s good to be different but till what, how different. Where is the line drawn? How far do I have to go to find someone? Am I just too different to fit in anywhere? Even the people I thought were my friends seem to have lots more fun without me in the picture.
During math or science, I feel like a tool: something people pull from a drawer just to help them with answers. I’ve tried to make an appearance, but no one notices this kid trying to make a friend that actually wants him around for more than just answers.
No one actually knows how bad I feel. How far out I am. The pain inside me. I have never inflicted pain upon myself, but is there a point where someone breaks and they cannot take anymore?